How do you say NO!!!

My aunt, who hates me but i love her kids and want them in the wedding, always has a new flavor of the week. my gma informed me today that he hasnt decided if he is coming yet, like its his choice! my mom, her sis, told me to tell her that her flavor of the week isnt inivited, in those words! haha there is no shame in our fam! so yeah, i would say tell em like it is. when you are paying per person, you cant invite the whole world!

I rarely post anything on Facebook....we are Facebook friends and she heard that other people got save the dates via mail and she was just wondering why she didnt receive one. I have been very hush hush about details on FB and stuff so she found out from other family members.

Honestly, I made it aware to everyone that my wedding is small. And those who still took it upon themselves to ask if they were invited or even, YES ask to be IN the wedding, were people who haven't wanted anything to do with me for a few years. So I politely told them that I havent spoken to them in a few years and my wedding will be there for close friends and family because the venue is small.

I agree with Devin R. FH and I both come from large families (mine much more so though). We are close to all of our family members as witnessed in our reunions and get-togethers. Unfortunately, inviting everyone would be next to impossible, not to mention extremely expensive (especially when we are paying).

The response I've given for family who have questioned invitations is the truth "We're very sorry. Nothing would please us more than to have everyone in the family and all of our friends attend. Unfortunately, due to budget and venue constraints, we cannot accommodate everyone."

I tried to respond and explain the best that I could and hopefully she understands. I am from a place alot of ppl dont get married and if they do its courthouse or at a church and a free for all reception because we get someone in the family to cook. So trying to explain this to everyone is very difficult because they wont understand as easy as someone who is going through or has been through planning a more formal event

I had that issue...my sister tagged me in a post talking about my wedding and a girl I barely talk to messaged me on why she wasn't invited. I kindly told her that I couldn't invite everyone because of my budget and she understood.

What I have said to people who have asked FH.. (because they know better than to ask me) is.

While we would love to invite everyone we love, we financially can not. please no that we dont mean to offend but we have to do what we can afford. Hopefully we can spend time with you sometime soon to catch up.

Sounds to me like you aleady have an answer, & its the truth...

"being that we are paying for everything and have our money set for our wedding we can't really afford to be the "yes" couple and allow everyone who asks to come to come"

I know we are going to run into this issue as well; but we are on a strict budget; and if ppl can't understand that, than there deeper issues at hand.

I had a brother of an ex-bf from hs ping me saying he couldn't wait for the wedding, lol. That was random and I just ignored it. Other than that we've kept our wedding talk to ourselves at big gatherings where we know a majority of people aren't invited.

Yes, we don't discuss it much with people who arent invited either because I don't want them to ask that question "am i invited?" lol As a matter of fact, people are the ones who bring it up to me because I know not everyone cares about our wedding details so I keep quiet for the most part.

She just responded to me and said she understands so I am glad that went well...I just don't like to tell people no and try to keep the peace with everyone so I wasn't sure of her reaction.

Thanks everyone!

There has been a lot of good advice!! And holly cow Julie K.!!! 21 Aunts and Uncles alone!! AHhhh! I'd elope!

Sami - that is so random. I mean, I don't understand why you WOULDN'T invite your ex-boyfriend's brother. You must be so close. lol.

Lol kris!

I don't think you should feel obligated to invite ppl just because you are related. I can see if you talked ever so often and met up once or twice a year for a visit. I am limiting my guest list to 100 as well and that meant not all of my of my FH aunts or uncles or cousins were invited. We have had to tell some aunts and uncles that their is no room for their kids (they are all adults now and off at university) or just not invite some of our aunts, uncles, or cousins. I have had a lot of ppl ask if they can come or bring a guest... ppl I haven't talked to in over 10 years were expecting an invite. I just out right say no, sorry we are at our limit for the ceremony and reception. I am very straight forward and don't beat around the bush.

I think you've gotten awesome advice.

Just to add, don't base your "no" on a "problem" that the person could "fix". For some people if you say, "I'm sorry we can't invite everyone we want, we're on a budget," that opens the door for them to say, "I'll pay for it!" It happens.

I like this response - true, simple, won't open any doors for people to challenge your reasons or try to change your mind - "Thanks for your interest in our wedding, that's kind of you - we made our guest list a while ago and it's pretty set, we chose to keep things on the smaller side so thanks for understanding - hey have you read Hunger Games yet?" and just change the subject.

I posted this on our wedding website....

Note: If your name is not found via the search, please let us know using the "contact us" feature (or just call us). We may not have your correct information. Also know that unfortunately, due to resources, we have not been able to invite all of our family and friends to our celebration. We hope that you will be able to celebrate our lives and friendship at other times.

And when asked in person, I simply say I wish we could invite everyone, but our celebration will be a small one with just family and a few close friends. So far everyone has been accepting of this.

@ Jessie Lyn...haha yeah we come from a very big Catholic Family!! We are fertile myrtles !

To prove Kris's point, at a friend's wedding last Friday, my little told me how he wants to come to my wedding, I let him know I'm on a budget, I don't know yet, he offered to pay to come. I threw out $125 a person, he said that would be fine. It does happen.

We had someone say the exact same thing. We almost gave in and invited him, but in the end, we plan to just apologize and explain that our guest list was very limited to close friends and family.