how do you have two seperate weddings because family doesnt get along?

Maybe you could have a JP wedding with your mom has a witness and then a small little dinner party.

Than the other one can be a big one.

Or you can just try to sit your brother down and talk to me and do the same with your mom and see if you can come to an understanding about how important your special day is and see if for just that one day your family can come together and celebrate it with you.

I don't think you should do 2 weddings at all, and it is ridiculous for your family to put you in that kind of a position. You should explain to your Mom and brother that if they love you they can put aside their differences for one simple day. They don't have to speak, just tolerate being in the other's presence for a few measely hours. It's not too much to ask at all.

Good luck

No go on them getting together, already been discussed. I wanted to have a JP wedding in Nashville because we would be there on business anyway. I asked my mom to drive there, and she said no...i cant ask my brother to pack up two kids and drive there??? But that was my forst choice to do that and then come back to boston and have a party for family and friends that couldnt make it to nashville. ( side note) just so i dont seem completely insensitive....my mom is finishing chemo this week and is cancer free thank god, i would never ask her to drive all that way if she was going to be sick...ugghhhhh....

Tell them to suck it up and be adults. this is your wedding and you want them there. If they don't want to talk to one another then fine, but they need to be your family and be at your wedding. Having 2 weddings to please the rest of your family is not right. THis is your happy day - not theirs.

Maybe its time to not think about them... set you wedding date and location for a place that you and your FH really want. Then send them both an invite and let them figure it out. That way it will be less stress on you and if they can't be big about it for your sake, then they need to live with their choice.

I'm having to do something similar with my family. I'm coming to terms with the fact that a few people may not show... and realizing that it has less to do with me and reflects more on them. Its not easy, but it saves me the headache of dealing with it.

Yeah I agree with those that say do just the one day. It is your day and it is crazy for you to have two different weddings to accomodate everyone. Set the date and go from there. If they choose not to come that is their choice and that stinks you are in that position. My FH has a similar situation. His mom won't come if his aunt is there and none of his aunt kids or anything can be there. All over something so minor. But his flat out told him that she would not come if his aunt is there. It has really upset him a few times but he wants them all there. Because that is a good portion of his family. We have set the date and it is now up to his mom to decide if she is truly not going to show up to her sons wedding. I don't see why people can't set aside their differences for one night.

Im not thinking two weddings, just a small wedding w/ parents and then a casual party for family and friends local? Still crazy??? I need to have them all included somehow?

Maybe you should let your brother know that you understand he doesn't want to come to the wedding, but you would like the kids to be included in some way. Maybe your SIL or another family member could bring them on the wedding day so your brother doesn't have to show up if he doesn't want to. I agree that it's ridiculous for you to have 2 weddings.

Yadayada- i know i may seem like someone who is going to shoot down any advice, but i dont know if its fair for my mom to meet a granddaughter she has never met..never to see her again? My fiance's mom could care less...she said "elope" then i dont have to buy a dress hahahha!

The first thing you need to do is figure out is "What do you want" If you want to have a small ceremony with just your mom and step-dad present go for it. Then have a family dinner/get together afterwards go for it. But you should not be put in the middle to choose who you want there. Brother should suck it up if you choose to have one wedding/reception. If I am understanding correctly its the brother and not you mom that refuses to go.

I agree with everyone else. This is YOUR day. Plan ONE wedding, the one of your dreams. How would your brother know if your Mom was going to be there and vice versa. Don't tell either of them anything. If they love you then they will forget the drama and be there for you. They don't have to speak to each other or sit with one another. How rude of them to think only of themselves. This is your only wedding day and they are worried about drama? No, they need to be there for their daughter/sister regardless of what is going on in their own lives.

My family doesn't get along well either. My dad skipped my sister's wedding back in June and my brother's high school graduation the next day. We haven't spoken to him since those two days. He hasn't even made an effort to apologize. So, I'm just not going to invite him to my wedding. At one point, I would have liked my dad to be able to come to my wedding. But I know there is no way he would be able to come to my wedding and keep his mouth shut about the whole thing. So instead of having him there, able to start a fight, I'm just not going to invite him.

Well...there were restarining orders involved....and definitely, they will not all be in the same room or place. To Fernie, thats exactly what i was planning to do, small wedding then come home and have a casual dinner etc..for family and friends. BUT my mom said she wouldnt go to Nashville for a wedding, so popular opinion is if she wont bend, and they are the ones who want to go to a wedding so bad, i should tell her to choose. You all are right, i cant please everyone and it should be MY day. I agree, but how do you make it your day when you know it consists of all DRAMA, and its just sooooo stupid!!!!

I will tell you how!!!! You let them know that this is your wedding and if they can't be in the same room without being civil to each other, then both of them will miss a very special day in your life. i understand you want your nieces/nephews in the wedding, but I am sure you can find other children that you are close to, to include in your wedding. I agree with the other ladies posts when they say IT IS YOUR DAY. Also as harsh as this may sound do not let your mom give you the bs about having cancer, I am a cancer survivor and I must say it has taught me how to appreciate the lil things in life. Especially my kids and their feelings. If you look on my daughters profile you will see she is going through something similiar with her eldest sister.

To just 4 enasMom...my mom is the one who wants the actal " wedding" and as harsh as it sounds, all her friends couldnt imagine how she would tell me she was not going to drive anywhere to go to my wedding. Everyone else that has kids say they would drive to the end of the earth, no matter what it took....i feel like if she wants to be at "a wedding" she should have to make the effort? If not, than WTF, not my problem??? am I wrong???

So I guess I am not in the same situation but I have something similar I am dealing with. When we started planning our wedding it was intended to be at home, them we decided that we are going to have a destinaiton wedding in Cancun Mexico. Everything is booked there and ready to go my FMIL told us a couple weeks ago that she was kinda disappointed that we were going to far away becuse her mother could not go because she is sick. This will be her first grandchild getting married so we decide we will have two wedding. I actually like it better because now I can have my beach wedding and still have my wedding with the whole family there. So if your budget allows I would do one destination.

That was my plan sarah, but my mom says she wont go and my brother cant pack up a two and five year old.....your situation is exactly what i wanted, i just need my mom to cooperate ( is FMIL) short for fuckin mother in law? So would you suggest that i have the destination wedding, which my mom is perfestly capable of going to, and come home and have a party of some sort for everyone else? So if my mom refuses to go to nashville, is it ok to say you had your chance???

Both of our families our divorced. I think thats enough explanation with how our families act around each other lol. My father has tried sending my mother to jail, and my stepdad has vowed to stand up to my dad the next time he ever sees him...that being said, i have told everyone: if you cant keep your mouth shut, evil glares, and actions to yourself DO NOT SHOW UP! i dont want anyone fighting at my wedding. If they dont like the rule they dont have to show. It would be their loss not to come simply because they couldnt think of me, instead of their selfs! So now, as far as i know, everyone is coming. My wedding will not be an akward situation because i refuse to let it be! It's mine and my FH's day and no one elses....If they care they will be there. Its not about them, its about you and your FH!!

I REALLY FEEL FOR YOU AND COULD NOT IMAGINE BEING IN THIS SITUATION. BUT I AM A TOUGH COOKIE AND WOULD TELL EVERYONE TO GO TO HE**. (SORRY FOR BEING RUDE) BUT THEY AND NOT YOU HAVE TO REALIZE THAT THIS IS YOUR SPECIAL DAY & YOU SHOULD HAVE NOTHING BUT GREAT MEMORIES BEHIND THE HUSSELL & BUSSELL OF PLANNING A WEDDING. I DONT THINK THAT THE ARROGANCE OF THEM BOTH SHOULD BE CONSIDERED WHEN PLANNING YOUR SPECIAL DAY..SIMPLY SEND OUT THE INVITES & HOPE FOR THE BEST...

As a mother i too would go to the end of the world for my kids. I have 2 daughters that do not get along. But, they act civil when they are at a family event. They can actually be in the same room and not speak to each other. You have given your mom the option already, so, what is in your heart? Every girl dreams of having her mom by her side the day she gets married. But not every girl can have that. So, I say do what your heart tells you to do. Only you can really answer this question. We can all give you advice but the final choice is yours. Once again it is your day.