How do I tell my sister her asshole boyfriend is not invited?

How long have they been together? I hate to say it- but he deserves an invite. As much of a d-bag as he may be, he is the man she has chosen to share her life with. Is the 5 year old his? How about instead of not inviting him- tasking him with taking care of the 5 year old so she can tend to her duties- which may include leaving early to put him to bed if he gets restless.

I understand he has been a source of contention for the family, but alienating him will only make things worse and may cause problems between her and the family.

What Meghan said. The best way to ensure that your relationship with your sister deteriorates is to do things like try to exclude her chosen partner from family events.

As much as everyone may not like him I agree with Meghan he does deserve the invite. Also if you chose not to have him invited that would probably hurt and upset your sister. And I know for me that I wouldn't want to do that to my sister especially if this is the guy she has chosen to be with.

I believe it would be very rude not to invite the bf. I understand that are things that this man has done but your sister has chosen to put up with it. Be prepared for your sister to back out if you chose not to invite him. There is really no nice way to not invite bf anyway you put it will still end up hurting your sister. I would explain to your sister and maybe she can talk to him about being on his best behavior.

I'm going to have to agree also....

Who knows maybe he won't want to go, I'm sure he must sense the issues as well, and even if he does go... there will be so many more important people and things happening that the fam might not even notice he's there...lol

OK--I am going to be the only person who says this---but you HAVE to figure out a way for him not to want to go. You will alienate your sister if you don't invite him but here is what could happen: My sister has an idiot boyfriend and I gave in and invited him. I didn't find out til after the wedding because everyone kept him away from me, but apparently he made a spectacle of himself, telling penis jokes and drinking and antagonizing the wait staff. I still have coworkers who ask me who was that guest who was acting like an asshole. Maybe you can put him at a table away from your friends and coworkers. And you HAVE to ask your sister to have a conversation with him about behavior. I am sooo embarassed about how rude my sister's boyfriend was and you don't want that to ruin everyone's good time..

If I were you I wouldn't have made her a bridesmaid if you really can't allow her BF to be there, since you have...I agree you pretty much have to invite him, or don't expect her to show. If you do tell her he can't come, don't be shocked or angry when neither of them do. Save yourself some heartache and eliminate her as a BM or, invite them both.

I don't know the extent of this particular situation with your sister and her boyfriend but I understand, I did have one of my dear friends who I was going to have to invite on the condition that her boyfriend did not come. He was the reason I didn't make her a bridesmaid, he was so insecure, possessive and potentially violent that he probably would have started HUGE unnecessary drama about any time she would have to devote away from him, and her walking down the aisle with someone else was just a recipe for disaster. Thankfully they've broken up (for good I hope) so she should attend, and I've made her daughter the flower girl.

Well yes you can always figure out a way to make him not want to go but its only going to futher alienate your sister ... but MAKE her have the convo with him about his behavior ...

I had a friend who I didn't invite to our wedding because I hate her husband that much. But it's all or nothing with couples--they're social units and they have to be treated that way. And not inviting your sister is a much bigger step than me not inviting my friend.

And if you really hate this guy and think that he's abusive--well, that's actually an even bigger reason to invite him, because abusers do everything they can to cut their victims off from social support. If you refuse to invite him, and your sister then either doesn't come or at least pulls away from you more, then you're basically doing his job for him.

As much as you probably dont like him, it would be very distasteful not to invite. Your sister is apart of your wedding and that is the man she chooses to be with. I would invite him but have a talk with her and explain the moment he gets out of line, he will be escorted away.

LI guess ill have to invite such a pathological liar, physically & mentally abusive asshole to the wedding, since you all would. Dont think she has chosen him as a partner, its more complicated then it sounds - to the point where she was suicidal. Shes pretty much stuck in a relationship of 7 years Im sure shed be happy to come without him, just like she likes to come visit me in Chicago without him. Only thing holding her back from leaving this jerk is her child. ( I hate when people put their lives through this esp when its a family member). So thats where its hard for me to find the words to tell her, i wouldnt like him at my wedding. And to not make her a bm is out of the question, she is there for me for everything. Ill put his name on the invite and cross my fingers he doesnt come. Only comment that made sense to me was causing more conflict between my sister and him if he isnt invited. I appreciate everyones input.

From a personal standpoint, regardless of the child she should get out. My daughter and I are much better off without her bio father in the picture. Staying together for a child NEVER works. In the end, the child will suffer the most.

@ irin997.. I completly agree with you.

Jazmin- if she is only with him because of the child, you need to encourage her to get out of the relationship!

Regardless of the situation, she has chosen to stay with this man. After 7 years, he is family. I'd encourage her to encourage him to be responsible for caring for the child the entire time- so he is occupied and out of everyone's way. That is of course if he can take the time of work to even make the wedding, because you know that would be a huge sacrifice on his part (so much nicer way of letting him not come at his choosing)...

Jazmin; Sorry you are going through this! I'm not sure the extent of the abuse in the relationship currently; but please keep in mind, one of the most dangerous times for a woman in an abusive relationship is when she chooses to leave; the guy feels he is loosing control and things could escalate. So if she does choose to leave make sure you have a plan worked out ahead of time; like bag pre-packed, stuff stashed at your house or wherever so it's at least somewhat seamless.

I would tell your sister that given his behavior, they are invited, but will get the farthest table from you, not to punish her but him.

Wow jazmin, what a terrible situation for your sister to be in. stand by her, it sounds like she needs your support.

Thank you all for understanding.. @October bride Id totally sacrafice inviting him rather then punishing her by not inviting her as well. Shes a huge part of my life and to have him off to the side would make me happier then to not having my sister there. Esp since she is standing up.

Jazmin, I am very much in the same situation as you are. My brother is in a long-term dysfunctional, abusive (mentally, emotionally, and physically on both sides) relationship with a passive-agressive, manipulative, lying woman. She will not be included in the invite to my wedding. By not including her, I am taking the chance that my brother, who I love very much, will not attend my wedding. However, that is a chance I am willing to take. She has ruined too many special events for my family, and I am not willing to chance my wedding day on her drama. In short, I fully support your decision not to invite him, but you must be prepared for the unfortunate possibility that your sister might choose him over you.