Horrible wedding

My grandmother would be rolling over in her grave if I didn't feed my guests! We ate at her house EVERY time we went..... didn't matter if we just got done eating Thanksgiving dinner at the other grandma's house..... "I'll put on the coffee....oh, and here's some cookies.... anyone want to make a sandwich?..... " and so it went.

I'm mostly attending my own wedding for the food. If we couldn't serve dinner I wouldn't even want a wedding. You are still paying a boatload of money for that day but now everyone is going to leave early and instead of remembering your wedding they are going to remember how hangry they were.

Ms Mac? I have a great working concept of poorness. I've been an self employed person for almost 40 years and some of them have been real shit. There have plenty of months that I chose to pay my employees before myself, which is not particularly noble, but it's what ethical bosses do.

I have never said that ANYONE should go to the courthouse (okay, maybe once) and I've NEVER said they should just go home. What I CONSISTENTLY SAY and I have PLENTY of company on this thread and others (so I don't know why you chose to single me out but whatever) is that people should do what they can afford for a group they can afford to host. And I'm sorry, warning people you're going to treat them like crap doesn't make it any better. If you are having a wedding at a meal time (which to me is pretty much any time, but that's the former caterer in my) you need to feed them a meal. If you do a very short afternoon wedding with an invite that says "join us for punch and cake following the ceremony", it's a little better, but I wouldn't have any expectations of having them either fly across the country or travel.

If you can't afford to treat 200 people reasonably well, you treat 15 people well. What is so mysterious about that? These "what a horrible wedding" threads all basically come down to the same thing.....couples who choose to invite too many people on too little money. And I"m sorry, no one has 200 people they are 'very close' to.

Everyone is 'allowed' to get married, but no one is 'allowed' to ask an investment of time, money and emotion from guests they have no intention of hosting. I think sometimes that couples forget what they are asking from their guests; it's a lot. And their time, money, and emotion is just as important as yours. In theory. If you really care about them.

Many people here have worked four jobs, saved for years, gone without things they'd like or need and made real sacrifices to have, in many cases, very modest celebrations.

Wedding receptions are luxury items. It's total BS to say things like, "Everyone deserves a big wedding". No one deserves anything they can't take responsibility for.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh to you but it's reality and adulthood at the door.

Here's an idea; years ago, some of the bigger local charities here started doing "no you don't have to come' fund raisers.....no one had to get dressed up, leave the house or sit around for six hours at a dinner dance. They just got an invite to send a check.

A midway point between "here's a piece of cake' and "here's our honeyfund. And yes, I'm kidding.

Your friend was obviously not a member of wedding wire.

Okay in my college days, I would have been all about cake and booze as my dinner, but we are adults now who take time off work to go to these weddings where no one feeds us, and that's unacceptable. Hope y'all stopped and got the best dirty burger ever.

Good thing is bride and groom paid for the food truck , but lots of people were pissed and left early .

Wow!!! This was wrong on so many levels.

Oh damn. That's terrible!! I'm starting to feel bad bc my wedding is on a Thursday :-/ but people could also have a 4 day weekend or a 3 1/2 day weekend as it's an evening ceremony. However there will be TONS of food!

Jnav, there is nothing wrong with Thursdays. We are booking the daylights out of them for a lot of reasons. And the ones I've done have had not had a lesser turnout than any other night.

@JNav don't feel bad! My wedding was on a Thursday and I had like 98% of my guest list attend. I had an open bar and some amazing food! People who want to attend will make it! and will thank you for being a good host! Now if it were a Thursday wedding with no food - like this Tuesday fiasco then yes you should feel bad lol

Oh don't stress over it @JNav like I said it was hard for us to take the night off ( we own our own business) but we made it happen . If they would have had food there wouldn't have been complaints lol.

You can be frugal without starving people.

There's nothing wrong with serving spaghetti or something if that's your budget. There is something wrong with guests leaving (early at that) tired and hungry at 9pm on a Tuesday.

@Kate... me too. I have increased my catering menu about four times.

@MsMac... I guess I find your response a bit presumptive. There are many in this community who are without much by way of financial means. As someone who grew up pretty damned poor, I take offense to you equalizing limited means with an inability to properly host.

My mother ALWAYS had food when she invited people to the house. This is how everyone in our very blue-collar neighborhood operated.

Honestly, the best wedding in my memory was my brother's. he was married when I was very young, but it was my family and friends at a small ceremony at the church after which we all came home and ended up hosting about 100 people all night long. The food was not fancy, and it was all buffet style, but it was delicious and plentiful. My Mum made some of the dishes, and others were brought along potluck style, not because they were asked, but you simply don't show up empty-handed to such gatherings. This is how to do it on a budget... not by simply skipping meals.

@Celia speaking the truth!

WOW! Alcohol and no food - horrible combination. To be honest, I can live with no alcohol, but no food is unacceptable. And no warning, just let your guest stand around starving and wondering when the food would come out, only to find out (by word of mouth) that there's no food.

This is what I think of when someone recommends a cake and punch reception.

I don't understand why this concept is so difficult. As was said before, you host whatever number is comfortable for you, but you do it well. Having a 200 person wedding is not everyone's "right" (and in fact is some of our nightmares), but in the end if you can only afford to do a small, cake and punch reception then you have it in the afternoon and be done with it. Otherwise it just sounds like a gift-fishing party.

@Traci, your post resonates so much with me. I grew up poor (atleast 90% of our town lived below the poverty line) and my mom always had and offered food when someone came over. My grandmother did as well! I do the same! It may be scraps that is somehow pulled together and made into a delicious meal or snack, but it's food and it's offered. No one left us hungry!

We also had a lot of potluck events (weddings, family reunions, church events, etc). Unfortunately, pot luck meals are frowned upon on WW (and there are valid reasons why they are discouraged), but I have a lot of fond memories of events where family members all brought a dish.

The moral of this post is, never EVER EVER EVER let your guests leave hungry! If you don't have food to feed them, don't invite them.

@LoveLoveLove

I know that potlucks are frowned upon here. I don't agree with that particular majority opinion. Different cultures, I suppose. I guess one other important distinction is that the events to which I refer weren't called 'weddings' I suppose. It was more like, "Hey, Joe and Jan got married. Please come to our home/church/The Knights to celebrate with us." Again, we just never went anywhere without bringing something. I still would never attend anyone's homestyle event without offering to make a dish/dessert/both.

I went to a wedding on a Sunday night once. It was supposed to begin at 7pm (I had to be at work on Monday morning at 6am) the wedding didn't begin until 9:30. I had to leave right after the ceremony and I was starving.