High-end Registry Destination - Rude?

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No, I don't agree because I don't think that honeyfunds are widely accepted at all. I think it's pushed on us through social media but that generally people are uncomfortable with the concept. Not many guests are going to tell the bride/groom that but it doesn't make it untrue.

I did not even address women's healthcare being controversial. I'm not going there because it's irrelevant. I don't see how charity should be associated with your wedding. Charity should be done with the intent to give and support - you don't need to tie a wedding event to that. Donations are a very personal choice - if you and your SO decide to take any cash gifts you receive after the wedding and donate them then that's your own choice. I just don't see why you need to tie an organization to your wedding event. As a guest - I like to gift. If I saw your invite, I would be confused and put off. Just as many of us are confused and have asked many questions to try to understand.

Also - you truly have no clue how your guests feel about it. I can tell you that guests do not tell the truth when it comes to wedding etiquette, I'd probably save face and nod along with you if I knew you in real life.

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LOL okay! I know how I felt when I've actually, you know, attended one of these, but I'm sure you'll write my experience and feelings as being invalid somehow. Have a GREAT day!

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First of all, do not even try to dismiss me. You asked a question, so I answered. This is a forum for DISCUSSION.

Secondly, I did not tell you what you feel or what you have experienced. In case you forgot - I'm an stranger. On the internet. I have no clue what you have or have not attended.

Thirdly, just because you weren't offended doesn't mean others won't be.

I genuinely try to respond in a constructive way to have a discussion rather than sink to insults or trash talking. I have no intent of changing your mind - I don't care. I'm not a guest of yours - if I was I would decline because as you said it's an invitation not a summons. However my point earlier was that you made this whole post in regards to being concerned about etiquette. You are picking and choosing where you want to be "proper" in terms of etiquette. You care about having your "high end" registry but you don't care to hear opinions on your shower - fine. Then don't bring it up. Don't ask for a source and drop the topic because you obviously have no intent of holding a discussion or considering any advice/opinions.

HAVE A BLESSED DAY.

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Lol lady, I actually didn't ask your opinion on my shower. I asked if there was etiquette surrounding registry destinations. But thanks for all this additional, super interesting, FUN info!!!!!

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I did not get into my opinion on your shower until you asked for a source of etiquette.

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I'm sorry I called you out for not knowing the difference between etiquette and tradition.

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Here's my final point: If you want to continue to use this forum for advice - then you'll need to be a little more thick skinned. The more you lash out, the more people are going to lash back. I rarely "get into it" on here. I've never even been flagged or reported but the way you respond is very argumentative. If you don't want an opinion, don't offer the information. Whether or not you directly ask for it - once you bring it up then it's open for discussion. There's certainly things about my wedding that people on WW would disagree with but I don't bring it up because I have no intent of changing my mind. There's no use in asking a question or offering information about a topic that I have no intention of reconsidering - same to you. I hope you find some value out of this forum like I have but if you continue to lash out like you did to me then you won't get much out of it.

Not going to touch the shower.

I don't think there's specific etiquette on what stores to register, but I think it's considerate when the couple looks at two questions when they are registering:

1) Does this store have a location that is accessible to all of the guests? If not, maybe we should pick a second store so that those guests who don't live anywhere near store #1 can go to store #2 that they do have near them, in case they'd prefer to shop in person and not online. I think this is especially important if you have any older guests who aren't tech savvy. For example, we used to live in AZ, but my family is concentrated on the east coast. We have Dillard's in AZ, but I had never heard of them before I moved out there. We knew my family and some of my friends would have no clue what Dillard's was, so we chose to use Macy's for one of our registries because it was going to be more accessible and familiar for more guests. So ask yourself if Bergdorfs is a store all of your guests have access to, particularly any guests who might not be into online shopping (older relatives).

2) Are you picking items in a variety of price ranges? Sounds like you are making sure you have gifts that are in the under $50 range, so you might be okay here. Is there a substantial amount of items in the under $50 and under $100 categories? Usually, items like china, crystal, and silver aren't the items on a wedding registry that fall in those price ranges, and those are the price ranges where you want your guests to have a lot of options.

Now, if I'm being totally honest with you, I would be putting two and two together here that you're registering for only fancy gifts that aren't for everyday use at a high end store and you're having a shower where the gifts don't go to you and I would come to the conclusion that you don't actually need anything. I have never seen a wedding registry that was ONLY for china, crystal, and silver. I've seen those items on wedding registries, but always along with other things that have more practical uses so that guests could choose between everyday gifts or special occasion gifts. I'd find your registry to be abnormal.

Now, if registering for only china, crystal, and silver and registering at Bergdorfs or similar stores is typical for your circle, then I don't see any problem. But, you've admitted that your guests don't typically shop at Bergdorfs, which says to me that you likely haven't had a lot of friends and relatives register there, either, which is why you're questioning whether registering there is okay.

If it were me and I had fallen in love with a china pattern only sold at a store that I knew my guests weren't familiar with or wouldn't shop at I would either create a small registry there for the things only sold there, and have a second registry at a store you know is more popular among your friends and family for other things you'd like to have. Or, I would choose not to register for china at all (with the plan to use some of the monetary gifts you may receive to purchase some of the china you want from Bergdorfs after the wedding) and would register fir the other things you want at a store where your friends and family are more likely to shop, or would just not register at all.

Again, I don't think there's any etiquette rules outlining any of this. I just think it's important to be considerate of your guests when you are registering.

View Quoted Comment I honestly don’t understand all the questions about your shower either because it has absolutely nothing to do with the original question.
I say do what you want, people will either buy off your registry or they won’t and if they don’t that’s fine. I wouldn’t mind buying my friend something from an upscale store. I’ll probably register somewhere more expensive then normal myself

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Thank you! WW can get so fixated on things...

So, we have a equal distribution of gifts under $50, $50-$150 and $150+. If you saw that you'd be a-okay, even if all the items were "nice" and no household, everyday type things? Eh, scratch that. After wedding planning I think the crystal wine glasses may be a daily use item...

I would be okay 100%.. I went out to dinner w my friends tonight and told them the only things I’d probably even register for are China and crystal sets, and if no one or only a few people buy things off the registry then whatever, I won’t be offended if I don’t get everytjing

And 50+ is perfect also.. I wouldn’t think of spending any less for a wedding