High-end Registry Destination - Rude?

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Really? I was thinking it was more the shaming someone for having a charity shower, which, by the way, I wasn't interested in anyone's opinion on. I started this thread to ask about something completely different and now everyone's up my butt for something completely separate.

Oh man, I would LOVE to see the look on my horrid, Trump-supporting aunt-in-laws face if I had told her she was donating to PP in my name. I might have a party just to do that so I can see what happens.

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Ha! If someone can't support women's healthcare, I'm not interested in their attendance at the shower anyway!

View Quoted Comment You didn't have to include those details.. people are free to ask what they want and contribute opinions on what they want... I am a huge supporter of women's healthcare and women's rights but this rubs me the wrong way.

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I'm not sure why raising money for a cause that you support "rubs you the wrong way" but I'm sorry to hear that. I've received nothing but support for the decision and people are excited to attend. If they're not, they don't have to come, or be part of my life.

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What is your question exactly? You told us you made a registry and followed all the "rules" or "etiquette" for price points. I'm not sure why the name of the store would matter - that's a personal issue I guess. Personally, I would never worry about my guests judging me considering they are my closest family and friends...

As for the rest, you offered up that information. Where I donate and how I donate is completely personal. Whether or not I support an organization's intent, doesn't necessarily mean I do or do not want to donate to them. There are plenty of great orgs out there but I have a select few that I choose to prioritize and send money to. If I want to give a gift, then I want to actually give a gift... to the couple. If you truly support PP - then take your cash gifts after the wedding and donate those. I don't know why people keep trying to interlink charity and weddings. It's your own business what you choose to support - it doesn't need to be interwoven here.

So the guests donate to the charity directly? or do they give you the money and you donate in your own name and take the tax write off?

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My question is incredibly simple: Do you judge couples on where they choose to register? If the department store that a couple registered at wasn't a place that you'd typically buy things for yourself, would it rub you the wrong way?

I offered up the rest of the information to give context to the registry. I will not be changing anything about my shower; I am very, very happy with how it is being planned.

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The guests donate directly through a conduit that's tied to FH and me. Guests get the write-off, not us.

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Why are you worried about your family and friends judging you? They are presumably your loved ones. Why would they judge you for something so petty? We're all just internet strangers - much more likely to judge. It really did seem like you made this post to boast - that's just honestly how it read.

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I honestly don't know what to tell you or anyone else. I wanted to know if someone would be fair in judging me for registering at a store that they themselves don't shop in. Is there etiquette surrounding this I'm unaware of? I have no idea how that's boasting. (nearly) everyone here is planning a wedding and many are having showers and registries. If you want to go register at BGs, do it. I'm not doing anything that anyone else here can't do.

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Yes - take your own advice. You're really overthinking it.

"If you want to go register at BGs, do it."

However if you are truly worried about etiquette, then you should take what PP have said in regards to your shower under consideration.

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It's not overthinking something if you're asking if there might be etiquette I'm unaware of. Wedding planning can be so infuriating because you're either a monster for breaking etiquette or apparently "overthinking it" if you double-check to make sure you're not missing any.

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Please show me a source that says my shower would break etiquette. Until then, I'm not changing an event based on other people's preferences.

If someone close to me only registered at a high end store, I would simply purchase something on their registry that I could afford, even if it's something small. I don't know where this thread got off track with charities, but I choose the charities I support based on my moral values, not someone else's.

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All I said to you was that your original post came off with a boasting attitude - it doesn't mean you intended it that way. Just the way it is worded read in that manner. I don't believe anyone is calling you a monster.

If you're asking if "Emily Post" had a rule about at which stores a registry should be made, I'm nearly certain the answer is no, there's no specific point of etiquette on that issue. Like I said before, based on your post, it seems likely you believe at least some on your guest list may "judge you for registering at a store they themselves don't shop." You've chosen a very high-end specialty store, with only one location (two buildings) on 5th Avenue in NYC. From what I know, there is only that one location because of the company's long-standing strategy of maintaining a perception of "exclusivity." So, yes, outside of a social group that does things like host charity benefits as bridal showers, it is likely some people might find your registry pretentious. If you don't care about their perceptions, then do what you want to. But, if you truly don't care, then it does raise the question of why you posted in the first place.... And, as mentioned, some might have the perception that you are boasting. (I'm not calling your motives into question, I am just saying that might be a perception based on the BG registry, charity donation shower ["your first large donation" as a couple], etc. Absolutely nothing wrong with "doing good," but lots of people choose do it privately....)

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Etiquette is defined as "the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group."

Your source of etiquette is myself and other PP who have expressed their distaste in your bridal luncheon/donation event. You are not only asking for gifts with a registry but also asking for donations. I'm not sure why the two are linked together at all, really.

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According to your definition, cash bars and honey funds, if applied "among members of a particular profession or group" would be perfectly okay according to "etiquette". I think we all know that's not true.

People want to get us gifts for our wedding. My mother desperately wants to host a bridal shower for us. We're cutting down on unnecessary "things" while giving people an opportunity, if they would like to give us a physical gift, to give us something that we'll treasure and use for for special events. Maybe in your circles women's healthcare is controversial, but it's not in mine. So far, according to the RSVPs, people have been very happy to attend an event where they can celebrate our upcoming wedding and instead of buying us a thing, support an organize that we hold very close to our hearts. If you don't like it, as people love to say around here, it's an invitation, not a summons.