Help! Wedding Venue Etiquette Question

Personally, I don't understand why she cares so much, especially since your wedding is after hers. I on't think there is anything wrong with having the same venue. If it's what you love then I say go for it.

My wedding is six months before hers... in November, hers is in May of the following year. I don't understand either, which is why I need help in how to discuss it with her (without saying I really don't see where she's coming from).

thank you for the advice

What a sec...she's a family friend? How close? Will there be a lot of the same people at both weddings?

Honestly, I think she's being a little rude. Sure, it's the venue she's already chosen, but her wedding is MONTHS after yours. If you and your fiance like the venue, then I would just tell her that. Just be sincere. If she has a problem with it, then there's not much you can do.

She needs to get over herself. It's not like buying the same dress or using the same colors.

Her family and my family have been friends for 25 years, we've known each other since we were 3. Our weddings are completely different themes, colors and styles- the only thing that would be the same is the venue (I'm getting married during the day, hers is in the evening). I'm glad that I'm not the only one who doesn't understand where she is coming from with this.

Well.... I'm not gonna lie, this would bother me too! But, it would really depend how many guests we had in common. I didn't want to use a venue a friend of mine used at her wedding in 2001, even though we only had two guests in common. Otherwise those guests will just be liek "oh remember when X had her wedding here?" or whatever.

The only cross over guests will be her parents and her and her fiance...

Had you heard of the venue before she chose it? Had either of you discussed wedding plans at any point prior to engagement? Are there many other comparable venues in the area? I'mjust trying to give you some arguing points here because she's not exactly sticking any flags anywhere. She didn't discover america! What if your families attended the same church? Would she want you to find some place else for your ceremony as well?

You have every right to have your wedding where ever you choose. If it were much closer to her date I could see why she might get butt hurt but we are talking 6 months. I wouldn't discuss it with her any further and move along with your planning.

Oh I'm sorry I missed the 2011...though it said May 2010. But, I still don't see the big deal. It has been said before on here, and I will say it again- Your weddings will be completely different because you are 2 different people. I think you should really just sit down with her and talk about it, but if it were my dream location I would book it too.

You have every right to have your wedding where you want to have it but I do understand her feelings on this I am in a very similar situation (especially if the venue isn't a standard ballroom/country club). For me the issue is about wnating my day to feel completely unique and special and it will be very hard for me to attend a wedding at my venue and watch it done a specific way first and not question my choices and compare the two when it is my turn. In the end she will get over it, like I will, but it definitely makes it feel a little less special to go second.

The venue is a fairly popular venue for our area and I had looked at it several years ago with a friend who got married there. There are some other venues, but for the money and atmosphere, this is the best one. When I told her that I wanted to have my reception there I actually thought she would be flattered (I would be if someone liked my venue that much) and it isn't like it is unique, they do 4 weddings a weekend there... I don't know, I guess I'm just frustrated with her response and trying to figure out how to say that although her opinion matters to me, it is still my wedding day.

Yeah... but then it won't be "special" anymore... LOL. I know it's completely ridiculous, but I actually agree with the friend here! I would be so upset if someone booked my venue and had their wedding there before me - in fact I would probably even switch my venue as a result! Otherwise the person with the second wedding comes off looking like a "copycat" of the first wedding. People just don't notice details like colors etc all that much, but they certainly will notice the venue! I think the other ladies are right in their advice, but I am just posting to provide the alternate viewpoint of what your friend must be feeling!

Honestly I don't see the big deal with you having your wedding at the same venue. If you like so much then I would just book it. Just try and make your friend see how important it is to you to have this venue. And who knows maybe she will understand. My FH and I almost booked the same venue as my sister did two years back but then found something we liked better. But my sister could have cared less. I could understand if you were picking the same dress and all that. But venue who cares your weddings will be totally different.

Yadayada I can understand if we had the same guests attending our weddings, but they'll be completely different... Can you explain what it is that bothers you, other than the posibility of it being considering a "copycat"?

We frequently host weddings/receptions for friends, in fact, our best referrals are wedding guests who attend events here. Our last 2 events for 2009, last weekend and this upcoming one, are for brides who are good friends (150 and 289 guests). The venue's setup won't look the same for either bride they'll have different vendors (we don't have a preferred vendor list) - different music, food, decorations and each family is receiving individual attention specific to their needs. They share some mutual friends so there'll be crossover but it WILL NOT MATTER because guests are there to celebrate the unions - that's what it's about. If the guests do comment about past weddings at our location it's w/ good memories of how much fun they had. Also, spring and fall adds another layer of unique, the seasons, especially w/ an outdoor venue are different.

The place where we're having our reception is the same place we held a banquet for our former pastor about 3 years ago. there'll certainly be some people from our former church and i'm sure some will remember "oh this is where we had the banquet for rev" but that certainly won't take away from our wedding b/c folks remember being there for a previous event.

@Jacqueline, thinking about it rationally I do agree with the other ladies and think that it is ridiculous to be bothered about something like this. HOWEVER if it were me no amount of rational thought could keep me from being upset! I wouldn't care if someone used the same venue AFTER I did, but before? No no no. It would be like dating your friend's ex-boyfriend or something LOL. You want your wedding to feel special and like you are the only one in the world doing a wedding this way, and to have your friend use your venue before you takes away from that "specialness." I have been to two weddings at one same location and spent the time comparing the two weddings in my head... I wouldn't want my guests to do the same. Also after all my hard work in finding a venue I wouldn't want a guest to say "oh she just picked this venue because X picked it.." or whatever. But again I am crazy I didn't want to pick the same venue as a friend used in 2001 (with only 2 guests in common!)

It's just a place. The wedding is about you two. As long as the day is filled with love and family and friends, the rest are just details.

I dont see what the big deal is. I am currently in the same situation kinda. I am getting married 9/4/10 and my best friend is getting married @ the end of sept beginning of oct 2010. They havent set a date yet but went and looked @ the place we r having our wedding & her FH loves it. My bf is hesitant because she doesnt want 2 make me mad or feel that she is coping me. I told her i could care less, its not like we r having the same colors or theme. If thats where they would like to have it then i think i did a pretty damn good job picking my place. Besides who cares what the guests have to say about it, if they want 2 Bi**h about it then they dont have to come. Thousands of ppl get married @ the same place that you dont know. Some of your friends may be friends with other ppl you dont know who have also gotten married there as well so ur not going to choose that venue? Its a joke, woman need 2 remember that they are not the only one in this world and it doesnt revolve around them.