Help! Wedding Venue Etiquette Question

Thank you to all who have commented. I really like the location and since the only crossover guests will be our immediate families, it isn't going to stop me from choosing the place I like.

Vgssarah, like you said... if someone chooses the same venue, then you did a good job of picking it! It wouldn't bother me at all if someone told me they were getting married a week before me at the same place. Each wedding is unique to the couple, even if the venue is the same. I just need to find a polite way to tell her this.

I don't think having the same venue is a big deal at all. Lots of people use the same venue. I mean I could see if it were the colors and same thing, but its just a space. She needs to get over it!

There are many places to have a wedding and their is always a compromise somewhere. Sit down with your friend and explain the cross over. Weddings happen in the same place all the time. I am getting married in the same place my Fiance's sister got married about 10 years ago. Your colors, decorations and theme really can change the place. As long as your pick something different there the weddings should look nothing a like. The hall is bare bones. It is you that gives the personal touch to make your wedding what it is.

I dont see a big deal your weddings are going to be different in the way you decorate and celebrate, and probably family that crosses over are just going to be so happy for the brides that their not going to care where its at. i would just sit down and explain to her that your not trying to hurt her feelings and in the end no ones going to have their "thunder stolen" i bet a nice conversation and easy explanations and ideas for differences will smooth it out.

Tell her to go up! Your not asking to get married on the same day in the same place. If the venue is open and that is what you want, book it! She has her big day when she gets everything she wants. That day it is your turn!

I can see where she is coming from. It's kind of like getting a present that you can't open till Christmas and it is sitting on your coffee table since Jan 1 and then in July someone tells you what it is but you still have to wait till Christmas to open it. Yeah it's still exciting but it looses something after you know what it is. Does that make sense?

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I saw my cousin get married at the venue we used (her mom actually owns it) at the time I was like 15 and was far from thinking about getting married anytime soon so it didn't bother me and anyway from the moment I saw the venue when they first bought it I knew I would get married there I didn't even look at other venues when I was finally engaged. We suggested our venue to a subordinate of my husband who is actually getting married on our 1st anniversary but if they were getting married right before us I don't think I would have because it does loose some of its specialness.

When my hubby and I had to find a new place kinda at the last minute for our wedding and my sister suggested the venue where my cousin had her engagement party and when she found out that we were going to look at it, she threw a fit! I didn't understand the big deal. But she ended up getting married 6 months after me and the bottom of her dress was exactly like mine, the flower girl (we had our same little cousin as our flower girl) wore the dress she wore in my wedding but with little changes here and there and my hubby and I didn't get around to doing our "rock the reception" moment because our wedding was becoming a disaster so she went ahead and did the dance we were going to do. Bottom line, it's your day, not hers. Who cares if it's the same place, just because you guys know eachother doesn't make it any different from when other random people get married there. All deco is different for everyone's wedding.

Since all of this has started, we did book our reception at the same place as hers. She has sent me a nasty email telling me that I am a liar and insincere because if I cared about her I would never have done this to her. She won't speak to me now. At this point her childish behavior has made me so crazy, I have to let it go and just enjoy my happiness.

Bride Wars anyone? Wow! I'm sorry your friend is behaving that way. Weddings have a way of bringing out the ugly in people. Since your families are friends, any idea what her parents are saying or how they feel about the whole thing?

My mother has tried to contact her mother, and she hasn't gotten a return phone call. My sister's loyalty to friendship was questioned because she told this girl she thought she was being ridiculous. It just seems so unbelievable to me (oh and her and her mother unfriended me on Facebook- I find that part the most hilarious). I don't know what is going to happen, but I already know she tried to call the location and cancel our wedding

Wait she tried to cancel YOUR wedding?! See now she is just trying to get her @$$ beat! Oh my! Well I hope it all works out.

She called the reception location and pretended she was me. Apparently, they have a double confirmation for cancellations and the venue called my fiance to confirm. This is getting out of control and I don't know what to do.

If alot of the same people are going to be at both, then it may be a little weird... but it would be more like buying a similar dress than the same one! lol. but it is true that since she booked it there first, it would be stealing her thunder a bit. if i was a guest at both weddings, i would wonder when i went to hers, "hmm she stole so-and-so's idea" but in reality its the other way around. so if theres hardly any guests that will go to both, then who cares, you can dress it up wayy different and itll be like a completely different place. but if its pretty much the same crowd? i dont know about that. but i do understand her frustration

Ohhh... wow i just read the part about her trying to cancel your wedding. wayyyy out of line. thats crazy

The guest list is completely different, the only cross over is her parents and my parents. As for wedding venues, there are a few in the area, but none that my fiance liked as much (or we could afford!) Our weddings are going to be completely different (different colors, theme, everything...) and although she booked it first, it was somewhere my fiance and I had said we would want to use before she even considered it.

I would just sit her down and tell her that you have liked the venue from many years ago, and that both your FH and you love it, and that you're not trying to steal her thunder. And that guests really don't care where the wedding is held, and if they've been to a wedding held there before. And, as I learned, keep your wedding plans and ideas to yourself as much as possible, I know her wedding is after yours, but just a general advisory to all brides, I've found out when people, family, friends, or even strangers,hear your wedding plans, they will have something to say about it, and most of the time it's rude. Just tell her than even though they will be held at the same location, they will be very different weddings with different guests.

Perhap you can talkt o the venue and see if the two of you can get a discount on recommendations that lead to bookings? Perhars that will change her tune. ANd I have to agree, she's going a little bridezilla..

At this point I am going to keep all wedding plans to myself (other than my fiance and mother) It will be a complete surprise for the guests. I have to just let her be angry, because she has stated she doesn't want me to contact her any more. I feel bad that she is upset, but can't let it ruin my happiness.

You have the right attitude about it. It's unfortunate but she's being unreasonable and you can't control her behavior.

What you need to do to safe gaurd your wedding is to tell all of your vendors what is going on. They will set up a special password that you will have to know in order to change anything about the wedding or they will require you to come in in person! And it might just be me but I would be beating the breaks off of someone that tried to ruin my wedding! The least that I would do is lock her up for fraud!