Help! My Maid of Honor has done NOTHING!

I understand where you are coming from here... This is a very exciting time for you and you want to feel like the people that you have asked to share it with you are just as excited. It hurts when you feel like people expect you to care about what is going on in their life but can't so much as ask how things are going for you. I think the best thing to do is to talk to the people that you are feeling hurt by, chances are they are not aware of how you feel and what it is you need from them because she's never been a MOH before. Remember why you asked them to be a part of such a special moment in your life and let that guide you in the way you choose to handle this situation. I'm a bride myself, I really enjoy doing allot of the planning and everything on my own but it really means allot to me when my bridal party reaches out just to ask how things are going to see if I may need any help.

I understand where you are coming from here... This is a very exciting time for you and you want to feel like the people that you have asked to share it with you are just as excited. It hurts when you feel like people expect you to care about what is going on in their life but can't so much as ask how things are going for you. I think the best thing to do is to talk to the people that you are feeling hurt by, chances are they are not aware of how you feel and what it is you need from them because she's never been a MOH before. Remember why you asked them to be a part of such a special moment in your life and let that guide you in the way you choose to handle this situation. I'm a bride myself, I really enjoy doing allot of the planning and everything on my own but it really means allot to me when my bridal party reaches out just to ask how things are going to see if I may need any help.

Ok wow so I've been reading throughout the comments.. I understand where ure coming from. I personally think that a MOH's duty is to feel obligated to do something even if she can't put money into it. As busy as she is with school and even if she doesn't have the funds, offering could do some! Now.. have u talked to her about this? Maybe she just doesnt know "proper etiquette"?? U should just talk to her about it.. and ask her if she could help with some things? Just approach her with softness.. like "hey I know ure really bz with school but can u help with this and that?" Somethin like this.. my sil does the same thing. I don't think she knows though... she's just a bridesmaid but never once offered to help with the wedding. Anyways good luck! Every bride desserves to be heard ♥

I’m not trying to sound rude I swear. First, my sister’s (2) threw me one wedding shower, which had like 40 people. I paid for none of it so instead I made sure to get them nice gifts (I got one of them a wind chime and $25 for Outback and the other just $25 for Outback), my soon to be FH’s aunt’s (2) and mother-in-law threw me another wedding shower for his side of the family/friends and I got them pretty nice gifts and only thing I paid for was the shower invites.

:contd: The bachelorette party I paid only for the hotel and then I paid for sashes for the other bride/myself, games, tiaras, necklaces for everyone, etc., it came to $300 roughly. We all paid for our own dinners when we went to the dinner place, then we all bought our own drinks when we went out to bars/to drink on the party bus. Party bus was paid for by the other bride ($420 total, $30 for each guest to ride except for me and my fiancé b/c we paid for hotel room to crash in).

The hotel the night of my wedding, I’m paying for that ($180 for a Jacuzzi suite).

And btw I kicked my first MOH out (not because of her not doing anything but that was one of the reasons, not the main reason though). I now have a great MOH who's wedding on 7/20 I'm in as well (bridesmaid not MOH but oh well), and we're helping each other. My first moh was a complete waste of a person and we're not friends anymore.

I felt my MOH was absent too! Instead of me bearing feelings of frustration I called her and just asked her, "Is the job of MOH too much for you?" So I agree with you and Amy. Just like there is etiquette for brides, in my opinion there is etiquette and expectations from the bridal party as well. It would be nice for a phone call to ask how I was doing with the wedding planning, what have you done so far, and if I created a pile of sh@t as a centerpiece I want her to tell me how lovely it is!

The MOH should be helping a bit whether its only input, throwing your shower/bachelorette party, etc. my mom threw my surprise bridal shower, my MOH couldn't make it (we live 15 mins away from each other) she had to go to Pennsylvania with her mom that same day for something. My MOH also doesn't understand that it's suppose to be "her responsibility" for lack of better words to throw the shower. She is throwing the bachelorette party, she's done everything herself and hasn't anyone to do anything (I have a total of 5 girls in my bridal party) and she's only aske me to do one or two things. Mind you the first half of the party is at my house!

I think when you choose your maid of honor,it is someone close to your heart and they should wan't to give you moral support at the least ,that is there job,you asked them because they mean something to you,and is an honor...to be asked thats the whole point.All money aside,not everyone has the same cash flow,this is understandable.And maybe its not her day,but she was that one person you picked out of all the rest and an honor....so that being said it should matter to her cause it does to you...Expecting any less is just crazy,anyone can just show up in a dress.My maid of honor and best friend would never just show up,come on really.Just my thoughts.

View Quoted Comment Well that’s not really the case I don’t think. Per tradition your maid of honor should knwo her duties are to organize events... even if they can’t pay

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First, this is a long-dead thread. Second, it's nobody's job to organize events for you. The only duty a bridesmaid or MOH has is to show up at the wedding in the correct attire. Anything else they choose to do is gravy - extra and optional.

View Quoted Comment Youre right. idk why people are up in arms over this. maybe you cant expect her to contribute financially but if you agree to be MOH certain things are expected of you. where i come from MOH or bridesmaids plan the shower with the mom. my mom happens to be planning mine herself though

View Quoted Comment I am not sure, my second maid of honor organized everything and helped me out a lot by being my emotional support. She was there to hold my train and my hair during my bach party, I think if you moh isn’t willing to help why have them at all if they don’t want to celebrate with you ???

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You have bridesmaids and MOHs because you want to honor your relationship with them. It's a ceremonial role, nothing more.

Personally I've always had the mindset that if you can't afford to be part of the bridal party, you shouldn't agree to be in the wedding. With that being said, it should at the very least be discussed with the bride what you can/cannot afford and what your intentions are in terms of assisting in planning or attending/not attending different events. There are many things bridal party assume the responsibility of but aren't necessarily obligated to do. When it comes to paying for things, it's such a gray area.... I don't think that bridesmaids are required to pay for certain things or not pay for certain things, it's really all about what they're willing to do or what they can do. I'm sorry she didn't discuss her level of involvement with you in advance and has showed no interest in helping plan things; that definitely sucks. Even if she can't be there in person, she should still show interest and try to assist in any way she can, maybe just making suggestions or phone calls when necessary or whatever. We paid for our entire wedding, I even paid for part of my bridal shower. So in terms of someone paying for the room the night before, I don't think it's anyone's responsibility other than the couples. At least I've never been to a wedding where the couple didn't pay for the room themselves. It's great that your parents can and are willing to pay for so much! But to alleviate their costs maybe you and your FH can contribute more to offset what your cousin cannot?1 Unfortunately, sometimes bridesmaids/bridal party members can't afford different things but don't want to turn down the invite to be part of the wedding because they want to be there for you and share in your special day. What i've learned when it comes to weddings is although it's one of the most important days in your life, for everyone else it's not so much... even for your bridal party. So although you're upset that she's nowhere near you to help with planning or attend the shower, maybe she made the decision to stay at college because that's what made most sense for where she is in her life. I know it sucks, but maybe just try to have a heart to heart conversation with her and tell her how you feel. I know some of my bridesmaids, including my sisters, had never been in a wedding before so they didn't know what I needed from them or what I wanted. In the end, I think everything will turn out great and be just as you hoped! Try not to stress too much and enjoy the engagement while you can