Help! My Maid of Honor has done NOTHING!

I personally think she should help somehow with the bridal shower (even if it is only with time and not &dollar too unless she has approached you about why she might not be able to at this time...I don't really understand why she was to be in charge of hotel reservations though...

I'm guessing that distance and money are the big things getting in the way of your MOH helping you plan the wedding. It will be hard for her to do much planning from far away, but there are things she can help you with at the time of the wedding and even after. She can help at the venue making sure the bridal party and vendors are where they need to be, if you don't have a coordinator already doing that. She can help you get ready the day of, she can round people up for photos, she can make sure you don't forget things like your license, vows, etc. If you have gifts to open after the wedding, she can keep track of who gave you what.

So there are a lot of things she can still do when she is in town that won't break her budget. Since she's so young she'll probably just need you to tell her specifically what you need her to do. I know the first time I was a maid of honor I really did want to help, but I had no clue what I was supposed to do!

Has she ever been in a wedding before? When you asked her to be an MOH did you communicate your expectations? You can't expect people to read your mind. And, you know what happens when you "assume."

The Flower Lab, Yes maybe thats what I need to do is go to her and see if she wants to help with something specific. I guess just figured she'd jump right in because that's her personality. But, things dont always happen as planned haha

I agree she should be trying to help out with time and planning, but probably not financially. My sister is my MOH and she is in school and across the country, no less. I would never expect her to contribute financially, my mom had to buy her dress. But I would expect that she tries to help out for the bachelorette party, with planning etc. My mom is throwing the shower because she wants to, but my parents are also not paying for my wedding. I'm doing that myself. Consider yourself extremely fortunate that your parents are paying for your wedding.

I would never agree to be in a wedding as a MOH if I didn't expect to help. And when I say expect, I personally would provide a bridal shower and bachelorette party. I agree no one will be as excited as you are about your wedding but there's no point in agreeing to be in a wedding if you don't want to help. I think I'm with Amy on this one.

Rules now are MOH duties are to show up. It's YOUR wedding so it's up to you to plan it AND figure out away to pay for it. The only money a MOH OR BM is suppose to pay for is their travel, dress, hair/makeup, and shoes. She is NOT responsible for you hotel! She does not HAVE to do anything. She isn't even required to. If she CHOOSES to throw you a shower then she can as MOH however, there is nothing that says she has to do so or pay for any part of it. She also doesn't have to pitch in for anything (gifts or anything else) her job is to be there for you On the wedding day it's self anything above that is just being nice. Also she isn't local I don't think it's fair to expect her to plan much IMO. Maybe have a local BM help if you can.

Yes, she has been in 3 weddings before. And I know that she was very much involved in helping with them

If she knows then she must be using the distance as an excuse. There has to be something going on for someone who's been in weddings before and who has helped with weddings (or at least showers before) to just suddenly not help with a wedding/shower.

"Also, I have had to plan and pay for the night before the wedding hotel reservations because she surely didnt do it."

Here you're asking her for money, that she obviously didn't/doesn't have. This is one area that's not her responsibility and she should not have to worry about. Where you lodge or stay isn't her business. Not does she have to figure that out for you.

We have been close forever, and I dont know if maybe she is struggling with things changing. So she is distancing herself so that it doesnt have to be reality to her...

Question you mentioned she has been in 3 weddings before was she 7 hours away from them? Was her situation exactly the same as now? I wouldn't compare to past stuff things change. I really would just focus on you and not her. It's yours and your FH's day no one elses.

I believe in that sentence I said PLAN also, which she has not done and if she would pay for it I wouldnt expect her to do it herself.

You've stated she hasn't paid for anything that's saying you expect financial help, or complaining she's not coming home is again another financial expectation.

No one is required to do anything except buy a dress and show up.

You can argue why your right all you want to but it's a public forum, expect input whether you like the answer or not.

Yes, for the last one she was in the same situation and helped out a lot. Her sister that she was helping was even further then 7 hours away from each other.

I also disagree that a MOH shouldn't do anything....sure the MOH shouldn't plan the wedding BUT they should at least help with the shower in coordinating even if they are NOT financially contributing. she should be involved in getting the list of friends for Bridal shower, sending out invites, helping with gift registry, giving the bride opinion on her dress/ help pick out the dress even if it means just texting a response to a picture sent from her phone whilst she tries on the dress in the store. There is so much she could have done without being physically present. The funny thing is that when her time comes around and she needs a BM or MOH, many people may not be inclined to help her in her own situation. The little she could do is at lreast provide moral support to the bride and especially help on the day of the wedding.

Lauren hang in there. unfortunately this stuff happens, just acept whatever help she can offer. At least your parents are very supportive. I hope it gets better

I never complained that she isnt coming home. I said I was upset. As I would assume any bride would be about her MOH

Why are you talking to us instead of your MOH? Have you asked her if anything is going on in her life that she needs help with? Maybe she's upset with you about something and once that's resolved she'll want to help.

Thank you Amy and Hot Chocolate!

Yes, thank you J&B I do check in with her weekly and this is a board to post question which is what I have done