Help!! Maid of Honor's Nightmare

From what you are saying you are going above and beyond what a standard MOH helps out with. She is being a bridezilla for sure. Might need to have a conversation with her about all of this.

Wowee. There's a LOT happening here.
So as far as the bridesmaids dresses go she should have asked everyone their budget and then found you all dresses. Agreeing to be maid of honor or bridesmaids often means buying and wearing an ugly dress.
That being said as a bride you should NEVER ask someone to throw your shower or bachelorette! That's a big no-no! It's greedy and not appropriate! She also shouldn't be telling you more than a theme or activities if you offered to throw a party. It's simply rude of her to do that to you.
Also maid of honor doesn't have to do anything for planning that is ALL the bride and Grooms job! It is their wedding and they need to plan it, hard stop.
I think the way she handled the make up comment was wrong, but if she's paying for it is often considered where it's okay. A true professional make up artist will understand how to deal with sensitive skin and should only use high end products and clean instruments. You can definitely ask the make up artist how they deal with that.
It sounds like you're dealing with a bridezilla.

I think she's asking you to do a lot. I dont think you should be her wedding planner. However, I don't think it's outlandish for her to give 9 options of dresses and you to choose from that. It probably only feels ridiculous because of all your other duties. Pick from the 9. I have never had a dress I liked for a wedding. I've had brides tell me "you can wear it again." Almost never true. She is being ridiculous about where you buy the dress. If somewhere else offers any of those 9 dresses, who cares?!

You need to set boundaries for your own sanity. Hand the planning reigns over to her. You only need to go to the last bridal appt to learn how to bustle her dress.... if you can make it! Good luck!

As long as it is in your budget you should wear what she wants. However she should find a dress that looks good on every one. Her fiancée should be helping her plan.

I agree with the PP about having 9 dresses to pick from I think that is fair. I would just go get the dress from another shop and be done.

She should be going to appointments with her FH and she should be the one setting up appointments.

I think she's being a bridezilla.
As MOH, you shouldn't be doing all of these planning things. B & G should be doing the planning. It would be more acceptable to ask help in say, stuffing invite envelopes or assembling something, but sounds more like she's treating you as a secretary.
For the dress, I think it's best to suck it up and buy one of the 9 mentioned.
And the makeup thing, if she's demanding you have it done by the pro then SHE needs to be paying for it.
I'm sorry you're dealing with all of the troubles!

Uhm, as MOH, you’re her maid of honor and not her wedding planner. I haven’t had my MOH do anything for me except join my mom, dad, FMIL, and me for dress shopping. I asked her opinion on the bridesmaids dresses, asked her input with regards to flowers, and that’s really it. She has a daughter moving in on campus for college next weekend, so her money is very tight as well. I’ve offered to help her buy her dress and pay for her makeup. Anyway, as far as setting up appointments and all goes, that’s something she and her fiancé should be doing. It sounds like maybe she’s being a bit demanding and bridezilla-like.

This bride is expecting too much from you! She's being bridezilla to a tee. She seems very inconsiderate and selfish based on everything you described. Her behavior is not okay. I don't blame you if you choose to step down!

Oh my gosh. No MOH has to do all the things you are doing. You schedule her bridal fittings and the venue?? You drive her to her appts??? Oh hell no! I would have a talk with the bride and help her understand that these are not your jobs (unless you want to do them).

Well as far as the dress goes, you should wear what she wants you to wear; it's her wedding. She should have (hopefully) checked with all about budgets for dresses prior to this, too. If she is requiring you to have your hair and make-up done, she should pay for it. And she should have been upfront with her entire bridal party regarding expectations/hopes of paying for parties and such.

As for the driving her around and booking her appointments, I think that is excessive and not the purpose of a bridal party. You should talk to her about this and hopefully she is willing to plan her own wedding and drive herself to her appointments, she is an adult after all.

I have a bridal party of one and would never ask her to do any of this. She is a teacher also, and would never expect her to foot the bill for any parties. All she has to do is buy the dress and show up. I will be paying for her hair and makeup, any style she likes.

Good luck!!

Ummm. You are not a MOH...sound more like a personal assistant. Why are you having to book her vendors and apts???
As for the look and dress, you should just do what she wants and let her pay. I looked like Elvis Presley at my friends wedding and I kept my mouth shut and smiled. My sister and I still laugh about it. Also, you should let her pay for the makeup and hair. It sounds like she does want you to look good and has good intentions with having you stand out from the bridesmaid.
The bachelorette party- come up with a plan and estimated cost. Send out an email to all the guests and inform them of how much each person will need to pitch in. Everyone does this. You shouldn’t have to pay for everyone.
Bridal shower- be honest and tell her you can’t afford this. She needs to assign someone else this task or give you money.
Its expensive being a MOH but you shouldn’t have to spend this much. That’s crazy expectation.
Last advice- tell her you might not be able to live up to her expectation and just be a guest. You’ll have a better time.

1) The Bride has become an Offical Bridezilla.
She has taken advantage of you, and the others around her. She needs to be reined in- best of luck with that!

2) The dress issue: A) I can see her point about the white/ivory & glad you can too( my former MOH didn’t and is gone- but not just for that reason!), however if the gowns perimeters are such that she has left you with severely limited options she may have to allow people to look at other stores.
B) If the dress you found fits you, the limits and is mostly Another colour, than I think she should be more open to it being worn. Especially if her gown is not the same shade.
C) Go try on gowns from the other places and see what looks good, take front, side and back pix and send them to her to pick a gown she likes.

3) Hair and makeup: Have your hair done and makeup, if she can swing the paying for you let her. Take the makeup you know you CAN wear, most artists will happily work with what you’ve got, as they want to have you look & feel your best- for those future referrals.

4) Tell her flat out that you and the other girls are planning the Shower & Bachelorette Party and she can have SOME say, but it’s up to you all to do. You want her to be happy, but not go into debt doing so.

5) I would 100% tell her that you have far exceeded the MOH duties and are her wedding planner and expect to be compensated as such. If she continues to be such a diva.

6) My, former, MOH told me she’d help me diy items, plan and wear what I asked of her. As well as plan the shower/parties.
She moved, married a jerk, and has complained( nicely put) non-stop about the venue, theme, my shoes( are lilac to represent my grandfather waking me down- he passed away and the lilac was his favorite colour- she knew this!), my dress, etc.....
When the colour became the second choice, Wine, thereby making the plum not work( her colour) ahe went off on me! The Wine was FH first pick btw. The 4 perimeters were: elegant( pref not strapless), Sangria( looked awful on them!) or Wine, limited sequins, and long.
I gave her THREE options:
a ) Wine, she’s plus size so did not want to be in strapless as the other 3 girls are. Thereby being in straps/ sleeves sets her apart..
b) Quartz, a dusty lilac.
c) Chianti, a softer wine shade.
She refused and said she’d look awful in the last 2, but the other 3 girls are all very similar in hair/skin colour to her and looked fine!, and she refused Wine saying she wasn’t “different” enough. She informed me she Would wear Navy, Dark Green..... Or Ivory/champagne- my gown is those shades sooo no!
Her tirade email went on to tell me how horrible a person I am, how I allowed the other 3 girls to “roll over me” that she would “pick the cheapest dress in the Quartz she could, regardless of how it looked”..... Mind you I’d made David’s Bridal the store as bridesmaids dresses are $200 or less- unless you do Special Occasion. As well as giving the option for helping pay for gown!
She is jealous, petty, as well as upset that she has a controlling husband, and was screwed out of a wedding by him( her 3rd btw), and is trying to convince “me” of how wonderful her new life is...... She is not in the wedding nor a friend anymore.
* I say all that because you are an AMAZING MOH! And sheis super lucky to have you. I’d kill for even 1/2 of what you’ve done for her! Lol

Aw I feel really bad for you! I agree with the other people that she is being bridezilla. She shouldn’t be asking you to do everything for the wedding. You aren’t her event planner.
As for the dresses, if you tried on them all and they all don’t look good on you. Then I would bring her with you so that way she can see you in all the dresses. I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable in the dress. Having someone be uncomfortable in a dress will come out with some unhappy pictures. But if she still wants you to wear one of the 9, then find the one that will be a little okay in your mind.

Wow you're doing a lot o.o you sound like her planner and that does sound overwhelming.

Definitely you are being asked to do WAY too much as MOH!! It sounds more like you were put in as honorary unpaid wedding coordinator!! There are a few things from that extensive list that I could see you helping with but in no way are you obligated to have that long, expensive list to deal with. I would see if the other BM's could be put on the errand, helping out, etc. duty with you. Good luck!

Your "duties" as Maid of Honor: Buy the dress (no other expenditure is required); show up at the wedding sober and wearing the dress; smile for the pictures.

You are not an unpaid wedding coordinator or personal servant or party planner or endless source of funds for this woman.

You are absolutely not a bad MOH. From what it sounds like, you are being a very good one. Above and beyond of what is required. However, being a bridesmaid / MOH does mean the possibility of wearing a particular dress that you might not have purchased otherwise. By agreeing to take on the role/job of MOH it comes with knowing that there are certain things you will have to pay for such as dress, hair/makeup, plan bachelorette party, and help with the shower. Having your hair and makeup done and paying for it yourself is standard. It’s good that she is going to pay for it. With that being said, I do agree that she is being a difficult bride for sure. Maybe have a talk and tell her how you’re feeling. Good luck!

Hi Everyone! Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read and to offer your advice on this post. Just to give you all an update, I did end up finding a dress that was perfect! It is in the shade and the store she wants, looks great, and was very cost-effective ($70). Score! As for all of the other things, I did end up having an uncomfortable conversation with the bride, saying that I needed to back off of booking things for her since I was starting my first week of school soon and that I have another job on top of that. She felt hurt at first but then we both moved on and now things have been smoothed over. She is still insisting that I get my makeup and hair done but I can save up for this expense over the school year and hopefully afford it by then. Thank you for making this MOH feel a little less alone!!

The things she's asking you to do are be her free wedding planner. I would be a discussion with her about this and how you feel. If this goes south, you may need to be prepared to step down.

I dont understand why you are booking her fittings and venues. I would tell her that you are happy to help, but some of this seems like extra duties that really should be made by her. I think she's definitely being a bridezilla.