help...fmil upset over invitations noe my feelings are hurt

You can still like her :-) But you don't have to agree with her about everything. I totally understand why you did it, and you followed what you learned about proper wording. In future let him deal with it until it's solved.

Neither parents are included on ours it says mine and fh name even though my mom and step dad are paying for it...was easier than trying to put my mom and step dad, my dad and his wife and then fh mom and step dad and his father to much.. lol

It could be that she was planning on giving you money after the wedding? That's what my parents did.

Overbearing MILs are the worst (I had one), but I also had a husband that would stand up to her and defend me. Without that we would have crashed and burned even sooner than we did. I don't like him now and wonder what I was thinking when I married him, but I do appreciate that he was willing to grow a set and stand up to her.

I wish I could say something to this woman FOR you! Because this makes me upset to hear. Especially because for me and my FH, the wedding finances has been somewhat of a burden (considering the financial requests added on by parents wanting to invite ppl etc). So when it came time to make my invitations, I felt a deep secretive satisfaction in putting only me and FH name's on it. It was like, 'at least in some teeny tiny way we can be recognized for throwing this big party all by ourselves(financially speaking)'.

I really feel bad for you that you have to go through this extra stress, but I hope you can keep your invites. Perhaps you just have to talk with her and explain it. Maybe you could say, 'Im sorry I didnt explain this to you before ordering them, but I am also new to wedding planning. The way it works is that the person paying for the wedding is honored for their financial gift to the couple by being mentioned in the invitation as the person throwing the wedding. cont.

'It doesnt mean we appreciate you less, it is just traditional ettiquette to honor my father for paying for the wedding. Anyone who is familiar with traditional wedding ettiquete will understand when they receive the invitations. We still appreciate everything you have contributed and we will absolutely find other ways to convey our gratitude to you and your husband within this wedding' .. Something like that. Think it will help?

Or you could do what my FH does, everytime his mother asks for something (more people to come, more food, more alcohol etc) He puts his hand out. Lol. He says, "Okay, that isn't what I want to spend MY money on, but if YOU want it for my wedding, it will cost _____ dollars, and I am fine with you adding that if you so choose".

She hasnt added a single thing. Except she rudely invited two families to the shower so they could get invited to the wedding. That infuriated me, but you have to put a stop to these things as quick as you can. So we let her know next time she invites someone she is calling to apologize..

Thanks bee j...that's just brought up something else, she wanted me to give her 5 invitations so she could invite some other people but she wouodnt give me the address so I could type it out and make it uniform with the rest. And I need those names so that I can put them with the count.

Fh and I didn't put our parents name just us.. We are paying for our own wedding and doing everything ourselves.. My mom did help pay for my dress but I feel in my opinion the parents name goes on invites if they are paying/ hosting the whole wedding. We haven't received our invites yet but I know our parents won't seem to care if their names aren't on it because they know we are paying for our own wedding.

Once again...I'm with Mrs.S. the bigger issue is that your FH didn't have your back.

I see exactly why you did it that way and I also see why FMIL was upset. I'm sorry your feeling are hurt your intentions were not to hurt anyone. Hopefully this will be the last upset.

keep in mind some people are just difficult...stay strong.

Agree with Future Mrs W and am doing the same...

fiances parents are paying for alcohol at the wedding, my wedding veil, and fiance's suit...they are also helping us by drawing for our invitations and finding some special touches I wanted.

But I don't think you did anything wrong really...many invitations don't have groom's parent's names.

That sucks! It sounds like maybe it's just her last way of trying to control FH's decisions/life before he's your 'property' and not hers. Like a last ditch effort to win. Does that make sense? Anyway I hope it all works out!

We're paying for our wedding ourselves. My dad gave us our wedding gift of some $ early to put towards our honeymoon planning and bought my dress, but that's all he could afford. And FH's mom & stepdad can only give us a grand- which is nice but won't cover really anything. And his father & stepmother can't give us anything either. So we're just going with our own names on the invites since we're paying for pretty much every single thing ourselves! Well, with the help of probably a bank loan. Maybe we should put "Bride & Groom, with PNC Bank, invite you to..." haha

Bittsey my situation is the same. my mom paid money out of one of her personal accounts bc her husband is a butt and is upset that he's not giving me away. generally speaking we are paying for most of everything. his parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner. i think we are going to forego naming names and go along the lines of us and our parents would like to invite.

what i'm finding with this whole wedding thing is that people like to make this event more about themselves than the actual couple. i wish you the best.

I dont think you did anything wrong, altho I think your FH was wrong for not having your back. He needs to stand up to her. I love Bee J. example of what you could say to her. Just be gentle but stand your ground.

FH & I are paying & planning everything. My parents agreed to be DOC for the reception, which I am so thankful for. However they refuse to be a part of the ceremony. So FH doesnt want them "honored" on the invite since they're dishonoring our ceremony due to religious differences. FMIL & FFIL live a state away, they arent doing anything but showing up. The only names on the invites will be ours.

I don't think you did anything wrong....! I didn't put my parents or my FH's parents names on our invites...... I am grown and been out of my parents home for some time.... I paying for my wedding on my own.. I wasn't trying to be disrespectful to my parents or his parents..hopefully not one will get there feelings hurt..

My parents are paying for the wedding, so I did the same thing. I'm sure FMIL would have liked to be listed on the invitation as well, but I think she's aware of the rules of etiquette. When we first got engaged she was sure to tell FH that my parents were responsible for the wedding and that he or his family shouldn't have to contribute anything at all. They aren't even hosting the rehearsal dinner... ;-)

It's crazy that we get so worked up over these silly things. I have always been a normal, rational person, but as soon as I started planning this big expensive party, I don't recognize myself. It sounds like that is happening to a lot of us - getting worked up over things that normally would be insignificant.

I had no intention of putting my parents' names on our invitations - I'm in my 40s for gosh sake! However, my parents are making a large contribution (enough to cover the reception). My mom's feelings got hurt when I showed her the first draft that basically said "we invite you..." I was annoyed, but they did give us a big chunk of money, and we DID accept it, so it seems the polite thing to do to honor her request to have their names on there. Although it irritated me to do it. Irrational, right?

Anyway, you didn't intend to hurt anyone's feelings - you did your best to do things the "right way" by researching the etiquette. I'm glad you like your FMIL - that's what

Really matters in the long run. Not what the invites look like. Sometimes we need to just smile and apologize even if we didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings and even if we really believe we were right. You want to get your life together started on the right path. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Just know there are other brides going through the same silliness with their OWN parents, ha!

Sending good wishes your way!!

I don't think you did anything wrong either but I must add we are assuming that his mother knows about wedding etiquette. Speaking from the perspective of a parent, (but not knowing the circumstances behind why his haven't contributed anything) I would be hurt especially if I didn't know that ettiquette dictated the invitation to be worded like that. Perhaps you two can sit down and have an in depth conversation about how you are folloiwng strict ettiquette and that it is not an intent to hurt or alienate anyone. Also while you are at it, you can clue her in on what ettiquette might have to say about having to invite people to your affair who don't trust you enough to leave their addresses in your care.

I kind of understand where she's coming from... I don't know if she wasn't able to help you with your wedding because she didn't want to or because of her personal financial situation but that could make a difference. I know that while my finaces parents plan to help us some my parents are just not in a position where that would be possible as much as they would like to. They still have plenty of love ans support to contribute to our wedding though and I would be upset if my fiance didn't want their names on the invite just because they don't have money to give us. She might just be embarassed she can't do more for you. I'm not saying you should change them, its your wedding and they're your invitations, but maybe you could try to understand her feelings too, even if you disagree with them.

@boots - I feel ya'! My step-dad just threw a hissy fit and forbid my dad from wearing a tux because I told him I'm going down the aisle alone! I thought they were supposed to be the "grown-ups"!