Help! Cousin +1 dilemma

Sadly even though that is your rule it come off offensive to only allow some people to bring their partner regardless of the seriousness of the relationship. I can see where you are coming from about him saying that but I would imagine your cousin told him because usually a guest in a relationship is usually invited. I can see why he assumed. I would just cut the guest list further if you cannot provide spacing for people and their partners because you may upset more than her. However, it is both of your day and your decision so if anything I would tell her in advance so she won't be blind sided by the invite.

I doubt he assumed he is invited, your cousin probably told him he was. I would just let it go until it actually becomes an issue. If you send out the invite and she does say something, I would just let him come. It is very awkward to basically tell someone their relationship isn't as important as others.

I wouldn’t say anything unless cousin brings it up and then explain that due to budget/ venue restraints you’re keeping the guest list smaller and to only friends and family unless you know their SO well. I had the same issue with a friend who we were even up in the air about inviting because we only see her once a year or so. We gave her her invitation in person and she asked if we were planning a brunch the next day because then “Ralph would have to take off of work” I bluntly asked who Ralph was and she explained its her bf she’s been seeing for 8 months and is currently living with. We explained we didn’t know he existed and unfortunately we did not account for him in our guest list. She was pretty understanding about it

Honestly it is rude to not allow your guests to bring their significant others. You want them to come celebrate your relationship while you are dismissing theirs just because they aren't married, live together or engaged. I can tell you they probably figured they were invited because that's the nice polite thing to do. I would be really upset if I was invited to a wedding, but my significant other couldn't attend.

It is very rude to me to not allow a couple just because they're not engaged. It's your day, your rules, but I know I'm still smarting because my aunt wouldn't let me bring my bf of 2 years due to us just starting to live together and not being engaged. I get it. You have to draw a line somewhere. We elected to not invite all of my cousins because we didn't want to include all of their families, but we didn't invite one half of a couple either. I know I was annoyed about going to an out of town wedding, regardless with my family being there, by myself.



As for the "assumption", he probably assumed that he would be invited as he's dating your cousin and she will be attending. Again, it's generally the thought because weddings are inherently a date-like air, and it is normally nice and good ettiquette to invite both halves of a couple. But it's your day and your call. Just be prepared for pushback because people will be offended by you inherently saying couples aren't as serious if they're not at least living together. That is a judgement call, regardless of if it was your intention or not.
If she asks, you can tell her due to budget constraints you can't include SOs. She'll probably be a little annoyed, but I doubt she'll blow up too much.

View Quoted Comment I agree with you!

View Quoted Comment If only I could like this one too!

Would I be upset at not being invited to a wedding...probably not. I will tell you though, my fiance and I were very serious at 2 years. We didnt live together due to living one hour away and already having established careers and college in those locations. While the wedding invite may not phase me, I'd be more upset knowing that the reason behind me not being invited is because our relationship didn't move at the pace that someone else sees as fit. I think that is where people may place blame on you.

View Quoted Comment I agree. I just would not have invited cousins, ensuring all other guests could invite their partners or have a +1 if single.

You can do whatever you’d like because it’s your wedding but if that’s the case, don’t be surprised when people make comments like this. It’s proper etiquette to invite the couple if they are dating at the time you make your guest list. Personally, I don’t agree with how you are excluding dating relationships but that’s your call. I just don’t think you can have your cake and eat it too. I would expect to be invited if I was in your cousin’s boyfriend’s position. You should respect other people’s relationships.

I'm more of an overthink it but wait til it's an actual issue kind of person.

I was a non-invited guest once. My FH family has a under 1 year rule. If you have been dating less than a year you aren't invited (all our cousins are our age so everyone was in earlier dating years). But it was a known rule so I was absolutely okay with not being invited. I think if it is a family wide known rule its fair.

So lucky for me most of my cousins are single. There are only a couple on both sides in a relationship (we actually hang out and talk with their significant others too) so we gave them the plus one. I recently had my momma ask if my 2 cousins on her side are getting a plus one. I told her no because they aren't in a relationship with anyone and if they are I have no knowledge of it since we don't really talk too much anyway. She told me it wasnt fair because 2 cousins on my dads side are getting plus ones. But the one lives and had a baby with her significant other and the other has been around for more than a yr and we actually talk and hang out, plus both cousins will be doing my makeup for the wedding.


Weddings are expensive enough with limited space. Don't feel obligated to invite someone because you are paying for it in the end.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. He should be invited. I don't think what he said was unreasonable, he assumed he was invited along with his partner because that's the polite thing to do.

I agree he should have been invited. At the beginning of the thread you said he's a "new" BF, but a year isn't new. If this cousin is really young (like under 18 or 21) that would be the only reason I can think of to exclude a long-term partner.

I think the only must invites are spouses and fiances of guests. I might give cousin a heads up what your policy will be.

Fun fact: my Fh and I have been together 7 years now, three years ago (so dating for four) one of his friends got married and I was not invited as we weren’t engaged or living together. I was not at all upset about this because my Fh had other people there to enjoy the day with and I didn’t know the bride and groom super well (only met them a handful of times at big friend events). I don’t feel that it’s rude not to invite someone you don’t know well to your wedding. If your cousin was just a friend who didn’t know anyone else there then that’s a different story but she has people to hang out with.

Couples are a social unit and invited together by name. Only the members of a couple can decide whether or not they are a couple, so, if necessary, ask one of them. It doesn't depend on engagement, living together, or length of relationship--it depends on whether or not they consider themselves a couple.

You honor their relationship as you hope they (or one of them) will honor yours.

A plus-one is the date of a guest and entirely optional.

Your made up rule is against etiquette and rude. Anyone with a partner when invitations go out should be invited with that partner. You are using the term Plus One incorrectly. Plus One is what you give a single guest; guests with partners should have their partners invited by name, as they are a social unit. He is assuming he's invited because he's assuming that you're following normal rules of etiquette, and because he should be invited.

I think the whole etiquette thing is bogus. Unfortunately when those “rules” were created, life wasn’t as complicated as it is now. Which means we have to alter them to our lifestyle. Whether you’re right or wrong isn’t really the issue.
You made a decision for what was best for you and your fiancé, so stick with it. I would however let all your cousins know, not just this one, that they do not have plus ones and the reason why. Tell them that you want them there but between your budget and maybe the capacity of the venue, you couldn’t invite their boy/girlfriends. Yes, some may still be upset. But at least they’ll know why you made that decision and that it’s not personal.