Heavy Hor D'Oeuvres instead of Buffet/Dinner plates

Michele - looks like you've had a hard time reconciling your budget to your desires...just like we all have at one time or another, lol! I think for the most part, people are just trying to be helpful here...

Is there any way you can send a postcard (get them free from Vistaprint!) to send out a change of menu to your guests? This way they will know that if they can't make the evening without a full meal, to eat before they arrive. I'm sure this won't cost you the $2000 you are saving in meal vs appetizers to send out notices. This might be a good compromise.

I'm sure your day will be wonderful :-)

@karen that sounds like a good idea! That is an option that we could do that! Thanks!

I have never been to a wedding with just Hors D'oeuvres so I don't have any useful advice there. My only thinking is people might not take advantage of the Hors D'oeuvres because they think it is just cocktail hour and don't want to fill up too much before the dinner. As long as your guests know that the Hors D'oeuvres are the dinner, they will eat until they are full. Just make sure that they are not standing/sitting around waiting for more food with an empty plate.

Michelle weddings are expensive. Everyone here understands that because we are all planning or married. Your guests are coming to celebrate your union but i think Karen makes a good suggestion to send a change of menu information. Take into account you may have people with health issues that may need to eat a full dinner (diabetics). The reception is a thank you to your guests for coming and you do want them to feel appreciated. Sharron was only responding to the comments you made and did give you good advice by saying that your idea will and could work but just alert your guests. Not everyone will go to the website so sending out a message is a good idea. Remember your guests are spending money as well (travelling expenses, gifts, attire and etc).

I would be upset, not because of the amount of food or the way it which it is served.

You will have guests who gift you money, like myself I base my gift on cost of dinner plus what I would normally give as a gift.

If I know ball park figure that dinner is costing 50.00 a plate and we are two of us from my family going I add that amount to the gift I would give , making it that my gift is enough to cover the cost of my dinner and gift portion.

100.00+100.00(dinner)= $200.00

Good Luck with all your planning, at the end of the day all of us here are in the same boat and we are simply here to offer each other support, understanding and guidance.

God this lady is such a bitch to you guys who are giving honest thoughts about what the guests might feel.

"Good luck on your marriages"? Cripes.

I say just get the word out. I'm ok going to any wedding as long as I know what to expect and to know to eat beforehand. Also, I'm an hors deovers person (sorry, I'm too lazy to look up the correct spelling) - that's how I love to eat so I would be thrilled as long as there was enough.

Someone suggested talking to your caterer to get an idea of what is enough. They will also know what are the popular items. We doubled up on certain appetizers knowing that they would fly off the plates quicker than others.

I know wedding planning is stressful and it is YOUR day but you're also hosting and need to address the needs of your guests.

Don't think of it as being a bitch

She may be suffering from T.V.S also known as Tunnel Vision Syndrome

sees only one way.. HER WAY

who cares what the guests who have spent alot of money to travel, buy a new outfit, take time off work, buy a gift, possibly hotel accomodations, etccc THINK, obviously not her..

!. your wedding is at dinner time.

2. You TOLD guests that you are serving dinner

Now, unless you plan on ordering enough to equal a meal, and yes, you need to assume that everyone WILL eat everything, that will cost more than a meal. You will have guests that are upset, and guests that leave early. It has nothing to do with their motivations for coming, your comments aside, and everything to do with how YOU presented the event (incorrectly). Even if you post something on the website, many will miss it. If you stated a meal would be served, serve a meal. Coordinate with the caterer until you can reach a compromise and get within your budget. It's the least you can do to thank your GUESTS for spending the day with you.

Also; lose the attitude. People are going out of their way to help you with the question you asked.

For what is worth, I do as some of the girls here said: I don't eat much during the day, even skip lunch, if I am expecting dinner. Yes I do consider I can get filled up with heavy HD so I don't think it would be a problem. You should consider the guys, and the girls with awesome metabolism mechanisms that can eat. If my boyfriend was to hold up on his food expecting a dinner, trust me, this man can finish your HD in a matter of an hour. Now I am sure you will have more than one man that really eats so I would seriously plan on it. I think my boyfriend would eat on average 15-20 pieces of HD if he was hungry and waiting on them all day (if not more). I would multiply this number (15) by the number of good eating guys that you know in your guests list, and add everyone else with an average of 7-10 pieces (what I would eat if I had actually waited on dinner all day). So, lets say you have 100 guests and 50 are superb at eating thats 750 pieces of HD plus 350 for the normal eating ones.

And that is just a very rough count. On a good day my boyfriend can go through 3 sandwiches, glass of milk, muffin, and a nutella sandwich, and this is after having bkfst and lunch. So plan on REALLY HEAVY HD

I forgot to mention, when we eat little bits of food we space them out, so we eat that per hour or two, so multiply but the time you have your reception for.

And for the record, no matter how much I love you, if I am hungry (not starving) I get a headache, then I start shaking, within 30 minutes I get seriously pissed, and I would leave just so I can eat and not be in pain (nothing to do with you telling me to wait on dinner when there's non, just a natural survival reaction to being hungry). I am not the only one that reacts this way, my boyfriends says I am scary when I am hungry and so is his best friends fiancee.

@miya when I said good luck on your marriages I meant good luck on your planning and congrats to everyone I dnt mean any harm. People can take typed words out of context rather than actually hearing it including myself...people get keyboard courage over the internet but u actually wouldn't say that directly to me....
I'm done with the discussion though today is a new day! Sorry if I offend anyone Happy Wedding Planning and again good luck I wish that everything falls into place for everyone!!!

Michele...I guess what I don't get is didna you know the cost of your meal and build a guest list based on what you could afford?

With a new day, perhaps you can see this in a new light. Yes, it is your wedding day, however, it is also the first event you will host as husband and wife. One of the other posters on WW, in another forum re bars, Heather M., said it best. The ceremony is for your FH and you. The reception is for your guests. Many of the brides on WW, including myself, approach our receptions from that direction...being the best hostesses we can be.

For me, wedding food is never free. I have bought an outfit, hired a babysitter and driven to your affair. I have written a nice check to cover the projected cost of that meal, and a little more, in the form of a wedding gift.

If you decide to go with horsies only, with the carving station and the taters, you may be okay, but def get the word out to your guests who are expecting dinner.

@Jennifer F thanks you are soooo right!

I really am concerned abt my guest that's the kind of person I am I want everyone to be happy! My real friends have told me that I need to stop stressing abt it and remember that it shld be a happy day for me and that everyone will be ok....Ive said over and over that I want my guest to have fun and enjoy themselves so I'm not shelfish nor do I think its all abt me. Im done responding to anything NEGATIVE that people have to say...

Well like I said before, nothing wrong with HD, just make sure the amount you serve is enough to replace dinner.

Obviously you don't know Miya, because I'm quite sure she WOULD say that directly to your face.

@Michele...I sure hope you didn't perceive what I had to say as negative. I was trying to explain how I felt, and what the job as a hostess is.

THe bottom line on a forum, especially WW, if you throw out a question, sometimes you are not going to get all of the answers you want to hear. HOwever, from what I could read, most answers were posted in a respectful manner in response to your saying you didn't care about your guests.

Good luck!

@Suzanne: That makes sense. Just reading this thread made me do a *facepalm*. Someone asks a question, they get an answer, then they go banana pudding puppy all over the ladies giving their opinions. WTF?! Take it constructive criticism.

@Michele G:Listen, at the end of the day, these women are here to give it to you straight and honest and yes, I would totally say what I said to your face.

Talk to your caterer and maybe they'll be able to help you tailor a menu that is within your budget and you can serve a regular dinner. Tell them "I want to spend X amount per peson. What can you offer me?". Some of your guests may feel cheated if they came to a reception of apps only and you can not assume everyone will check the website.

@Bright Eyes right obviously I don't know her I don't know anyone on here LOL as far as her calling me a bitch thats immature but her opinion is her opinion...I don't do internet beef..its stupid!

@Carole B nope I didn't perceive what you said as negative the negative feedback that I didn't like was that I had an attitude and didn't care about my guest..and that I was a Bitch!! Everything else is what I asked to hear..If I didn't care about my guest I wouldn't have asked the question..I don't know how many times I have to say this but when I said oh, well I don't care..I meant I am tired of stressing over how to please everyone and I was venting I didn't mean it literally!! Most of are guest are traveling from Colorado, New York, and Maryland! It is VERY important to me that they enjoy themselves and talk about how great the wedding and reception was when they leave!!! I've gone above and beyond with the favors when I was told I'm doing too much...Ive paid for transportation and

Hotels because I wanted people who could not afford to come to be here..So this is not just about me in my eyes my theme is family and bringing two families together..I just hate that people on WW got the impression that I am shelfish, a bitch, and have TVS..or whatever because honestly that is not at all the case!! I've been told to stop worrying about pleasing everyone...but thats not me!!

and that is all..Done repsonding!