Head Table: Who Sits there?

It's a shame you don't understand it. It's English and certainly not "ass backwards."

Sharing opinions, ideas, information is one thing. Essentially telling others they are wrong for their thought...isn't respecting other opinions.

@ambrok, when you split couples that isnt always possible. Ive been to and been in several weddings in which the only people I knew were the couple and my partner.

Ambrok, telling others you feel their opinion is wrong is all over this site and even this thread, on both sides of this issue (and don't even get me started on other threads, like excluding significant others or self-catering where things get more heated) and does not violate CGs. Do we need to start every sentence with "IMO" so people realize it's IMO?

I can't...

I think it depends on the situation whether a head table is rude or not. My SIL is my MOH and my sister is a bridesmaid, so for them my brother and BIL could sit with their kids or other family members and it wouldn't be an issue. However, my other two bridesmaids are friends from school and their SOs won't know any non-wedding party members there, so separating them would be pretty rude. We'd like to do what I've just learned is called a king's table including the dates as well, but that would be 18 people, 22 if we include our parents as well, so we may end up just doing a sweetheart table.

Splitting up couples is rude. You wouldn't do that to any other couple. So how is it ok because it's your wedding party? I chortled at the, I'm honoring them, excuse. Believe me they'd much rather be honored by sitting with their so/date. They'll lie to you and tell you it's ok but they are talking shit about it and counting the seconds until dinner ends and they can go be with their so/dates. We wanted our guests to enjoy our WHOLE wedding, including dinner.

@Terri, you are contradicting yourself. Your comments imply that BP memebers should just deal with being split from their partner, while also saying that the purpose of the head table is to honor the BP. If I dont actually enjoy the way you are choosing to honor me, it isn't really an honor anymore. The honor actually comes from standing by your side while you exchange vows. Many people, as evidenced by the opinions expressed by majority of users whenever this topic arises, don't need/want to sit at a head table to feel honored. If your true intention is to honor them, when a BP member expresses a preference to sit with their partner shouldn't you respect that instead of belitttling them by calling them clingy?

@Ashley B and @K Squared it's really this simple - if a couple has decided to have a head table - they are NOT forcing you or your SO to be a part of their BP it's a request. If either you or your SO find a head table rude - DECLINE and attend as a guest.

And I don't believe people have the ability to read anyone's mind to be able to say what someone is really thinking. If I did a head table and a member of the BP felt uncomfortable, I'd expect them to be an adult and tell me that, not sit there sulking when they had a choice to decline. In that scenario, I can tell you what I would be thinking "WTH she/he can't be away from you for 30 minutes? Seriously?" and at every event I saw them at afterward he/she would get the side-eye from me.

If I'm driving my ass to your wedding and spending all morning getting ready with you and taking photos, the least you can do is let me eat with DH who I probably haven't seen all day. Let's not pretend that people are only being separated from their SOs for only 30 minutes.

Terri, of course couples are capable of spending 30 min apart. They'll all "get through it" but I just set a higher bar for my wedding. I wanted my guests to enjoy themselves. I also believe splitting up couples is poor hosting. So you're being a poor host and then side eyeing your guests who have a problem with it? I'm sure they're side eyeing you right back.

I believe we are only talking about the reception - let's not conflate the issue and start adding in the time for getting ready, etc. ETA: Once again you have the option to decline and attend as a guest so you can be with your SO the entire time and enjoy it together. I don't see why that is so hard. You can't control what other people do you can only control yourself. So decline.

I dislike head tables. There's no real reason for doing it, other than "it's tradition", and that's a terrible reason.

Unless you are the WP member who sits right next to a member of the couple, you won't really be able to talk to them unless you talk over/around people. I sat two away from the bride at a wedding H and I were in, and didn't get to speak a word to her at dinner, so that excuse doesn't work.

And it's not just dinner that your WP is away from their SO. It's pretty much all day; getting ready, pictures, the ceremony... At the wedding H and I were in, we barely saw each other all day (except the drive from ceremony to reception, and after we finished pictures during cocktail hour). By dinner time, I just wanted to be able to sit and talk to H.

@Terri by your reasoning, if I feel like I don't want to be separated from FH (#teamclingy) for dinner, the first question I would have to ask a bride after she asks me to be in her WP is if she is doing a Head Table? Can you concede at the least that that is a bit ridiculous? And saying you'd give side eye because someone gets salty about not seeing their SO all day (cause we all know WP duties include a shit ton more time than 30 minutes, come on!) and not getting to eat dinner with them is pretty harsh.

@Terri, you keep pushing that the purpose of a head table is to honor your BP. But the more you comment, the more it is clear that you don't care about their feelings.

I've always been to weddings where the bridal party sat at the head table. SO and dates usually sit nearby. My FH was in the Marines for years and there were many times that I sat and waited with the other wives/girlfriends because our dates had tasks to do for the night. It didn't last all night though and everyone was always so nice it didn't really bother me. I feel the same way with weddings and think though all of the wedding festivities (Bridal showers, parties, etc.) you start to get to know people anyway. It's only dinner and then the bridal party can mingle. I have to laugh about comments that it's rude to have the bridal party sit at the head table though. What?! Lol I have never once thought that! It should be an honor to sit at the head table with the bride and groom. I see some people have mentioned a kings table. I've never heard of that. Who all would that include?

@Terri, head tables are traditional. And they haven't always been rude. But when that tradition was developed, people tended to get married a lot younger, and in their home towns. Families tended to scatter less, so the cousins, etc. came from the same town. And the wp consisted of either siblings or people with whom the couple had gone to high school in that town. So the SOs of the wp would know plenty of people -- the relatives and their high school classmates. Under those circumstances, the SOs could catch up with friends and relatives at another table until the members of the WP were finished dinner.

But today, people get married older, and families are more scattered. So it wouldn't be at all unusual that the SO of a BM would know absolutely no one besides the BM and the couple. Making them make small talk with a table full of strangers for a couple of hours is hardly a kindness. And for a member of the WP, worrying about the SO is not going to feel like an "honor."

If you want to honor people, pay attention to their feelings. And these days, that typically means you seat them with their SOs.

"It should be an honor to sit at the head table with the bride and groom."

Because they're royalty?

@Terri I'm glad I'm not your friend. I guess I'd be too damn clingy to be honored at your table.

Separating couples IS rude. I don't see how this could be a matter of opinion.

I will be having a head table but my bridal party includes everyone's significant other so they will not be seperated