He wants to postpone... :(

I'm so sorry hun, I know the pain that goes along with calling off a wedding, I've been there. My only advice is this... It's better to postpone and take the time to work it out than go into it with doubt. Both individuals have to feel that it is "RIGHT" and if there is any doubt, postponing it will not keep what is supposed to happen from happening... Everything happens for a reason, and you will find your happiness whether it is now, or it is a few years from now... do not enter into something with doubt... best wishes sweetie and you will be ok!

I'm so sorry, Lauren. Something similar happened to my brother. First, it was "I want to live on my own for a while and stay engaged." Then, it was "I don't want to be engaged, but I still want to stay together. After that, it was "Maybe we shouldn't date, but we can still be friends."

On the other hand, I have another brother who ended an engagement, kept in contact with his ex-fiancee, got back together in a couple months, got re-engaged a year later, and they've been married for almost 15 years.

It could go either way for you, but I would be concerned that he did it so close to the wedding. Stay strong and keep your head up!

Ohh Lauren, I'm so sorry for you. I had a close friend go through this. I know in her situation it was very, very difficult for her to forgive him for postponing (which eventually turned to calling it off). If you do decide to stay and try to make it work, I'd recommend continuing the counseling sessions together to help you both communicate and figure out how to be "just dating" again.

**Internet hugs**

I agree with Jamie if he is not fully committed you shouldnt take the leap in getting married. I personally dont believe you can go back to dating you guys have so much history together to take steps back especially if you have been planning to get married. You both should really sit down and talk before you take vows.

I am so sorry =[ I hope you guys can work things out.

I agree with bella b.! I am sorry this happened. *hugs*

Definitely hugs for you. If he feels that way, then you guys really need to sit and talk. Even though he hasn't mentioned it to you before, there are always little "warning" signs men throw out (they are subtle, but there). Something is making him unhappy. Find that out and work on your relationship before getting back to the marriage. Wedding is nice and fun, but you are doing it for the marriage. I hope it works out!

Thanks so much for the support you guys.. means a lot! I just keep telling myself everything happens for a reason, even if I don't know what it is yet. BELLA- There really hasn't been much stress since we had so long to plan... His parents and a couple of his siblings had some rocky marriages for awhile, and I honestly think it freaks him to get into a "official" commitment...but I'm ready for one, and I don't know how I can forgive him for this. He's never been a big talker and doesn't say how he feels very often..but I would have thought this could have come up a lot sooner than 3 months b4, & he should be able to talk to me about these things I think. It's going to be very hard b/c he lives by my best friend, and one block from my mother.. ugh. Moving on sucks...but I think it may be what I have to do.

If I were you I would give him what he asked for. I know it may hurt, but it's better that he told you now, so you didn't start your marriage off rocky. It sounds to me like he needs to find out who he is and what he wants. Oh and I don't think that I would continue to date him. You should talk things over with him and let him come to a decision. Try to find out his underlying issues. Why isn't he happy now? What changed?

Lauren, I know its hard and you are hurt but from someone with way to much experience with men like that... RUN don't walk away ... you deserve so much better than to be put on hold like that... He is treating you like you have no life and can just sit around waiting til he's ready to move on... I completely agree that if he is not ready then he is doing the right thing by calling it off but if he wasn't ready he's known for some time now and doing this to you right before the wedding is just cruel. You need someone who will make you happy and wants to protect you from heartbreak... I know it will be hard but believe me EVERYTHING happens for a reason and you will find happiness wihtout him...

I am so sorry you are going through this, but if one person is having doubts it's better to postpone (and work on the relationship through therapy, just dating, etc.) to make sure that you both are fully committed to spending the rest of your lives together.

Stay strong and be true to yourself!

Yes that def. makes sense, Bella. And I think it would be the only way I would know if he really cares. Thanks for all the support/advice, again! You're all too kind!

Very sorry to hear this

A really good friend of mine was in a similar situation where they kept postponing by a couple of months until finally after invites went out, dresses were bought, payments were made, he just said "Sorry but I don't want to do this." She was devastated, but eventually the right man popped into her life. She is SO much happier than she was before and is now expecting.

Awww... sorry to hear this hon.... I hope things work out for the best for you two. Big hug hon!

I am so sorry sweetie! My first suggestion (if you haven't already done so) is surround yourself with positive people. This is where family and friends come in. IMO, the only person that can make the final decision on whether you should "date" after calling off the wedding is you, because you are the one that has to see his face. But from what it sounds like (i'm so sorry to say this), he is looking for an easy way to let you know that he wants out of the situation all together. I was in a relationship for 5 years before I met my FH. My ex came to me one day with pretty much the same words as your man did. Granted we weren't engaged, but we were living together in a house we bought together (and I was hoping and presuming we would get married soon). He told me that he felt that we grew apart and that he loved our relationship 3 years before, but not how we were at the current time (pretty much the same as you). He also asked if we could stay friends after I had moved out, but

Since that day (almost 3 years ago) I talked to him twice….this was before I met my FH. I’m not going to lie, it hurt, but to this day I am glad that things turned out the way that they did. If one of the two of you do not have 110% invested in your relationship, then someone is going to end up miserable. Other advise I have for you is to have a sit down with him and let him know that you want the full story, feelings aside. You need to know where you stand and not to give you false hope of your relationship turning around and then hurting you again. ..as this is what I am getting (false hope where he states he still wants to date you, but he doesn’t love the person you are right now….kind of a contradiction on its own).

He owes you a real explanation at least. And if he states again that he just needs space, I would give it to him, but without the “dating” on the side. I think it should be one or the other and nothing in between (he cant have his cake and eat it too). If he comes back after you give him space (I suggest at least a few weeks without face to face contact), then this is when you decide whether he is worth a second chance. And if he doesn’t come back, then you are better off without him and you know where you stand. I don’t mean for this all to come across as harsh, I’m sorry if it does. But when I was in that similar situation, I felt better separating out all of the “unknown factors” and then could move on making a better life for myself. All the best wishes. I’m sending an internet *hug* your way.

Alicia your advice is spot on. Please do not date him after this. He will just string you along emotionally. I am so sorry and wish you the best of luck. You deserve much better than this. Hugs and keep your head up!

Oh, I'm so sorry you are going thru this Lauren. How heartbreaking. I think the other ladies have given great advice, and agree with them. I hope everything works out for the best.

Praying for you Lauren M., what an awful position to be in. Please keep us posted on what ends up happening with all this