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Cheryl
Devoted November 2012

He Cancelled the Wedding

Cheryl, on July 23, 2012 at 12:57 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18

Two weeks ago, I had the worst day of my life. My fiance called off the wedding. We got in a huge fight the night before and the bad thing, the fight was all done through text messages. All our arguments have been through text messages. We had talked in the past about not texting anymore and to only have verbal communication, but that night, we didn't. It's all my fault. I lost my temper and I lashed out him, which I had done before. I'm now in therapy, but I don't want to lose him. I showed up at his apartment last Mon night and asked where we go from here. He said he needed time and that his #1 priority right now will be his son. He did admit he needed to see someone too but then he said it would have to go on the back burner because he's going to concentrate on his son. I sent him an email this past Thurs telling him I was backing off. We haven't communicated since and now he's on a week long camping trip. I'm just scared I've lost him for good. I just need your prayers.

18 Comments

Latest activity by Cheryl, on July 23, 2012 at 2:44 PM
  • Mrs. S™
    Master October 2011
    Mrs. S™ ·
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    Cheryl, I am so sorry to hear that. I know there were problems related to his son before. I really hope you work it out.

    Also, is this CONTAGIOUS?!?!?!

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  • Leisa
    Super March 2013
    Leisa ·
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    Just give him space, as much as it will hurt to do that. If it's meant to be, it will work itself out. He needs time to think, and you can focus on YOUSmiley smile Taking care of yourself is so important! Good luck Cheryl.

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  • Carole M (a.k.a "old tart")
    Master October 2011
    Carole M (a.k.a "old tart") ·
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    Cheryl, I am so sorry to read this. I know you must be hurting.

    I will keep you in my prayers.

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  • Cheryl
    Devoted November 2012
    Cheryl ·
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    I hope so too. The fight wasn't even about his son. He told me the night he brought my things over that he couldn't marry me and it was over. He said he couldn't risk me blowing up in front of his son. Of course, I was crying and begging him not to do this and promised that it would never happen again. That's why I got into therapy. Even though I've only had one session, I know I have an anger problem. My therapist said NO MORE texting with him. All communication is to be verbal. You see, I would have never verbally said those things to him. It was just mean things that I said. Words I can't take back now. I'm eaten with guilt and just can't seem to forgive myself. I asked him in the email to find it in his heart to forgive me and find his way back to me. I just miss him and love him so much.

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  • Mayra
    VIP September 2012
    Mayra ·
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    I'm with the girls...just give him so space to think...also to be without you and miss you. like Leisa said if it's meant to be then nothing can stop you two. Take care of yourself so things like this wont happen again...

    @ Mrs. S I'm thinking that too...it's so sad...

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  • Ab
    Master October 2011
    Ab ·
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    Aww sorry to hear that..hopefully it will just take time, and he'll see you can decrease your anger after spending time focusing on yourself in therapy. Good luck dear! Who knows, this time apart could turn out to be a really good thing to make some positive changes.

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  • Mrs. S™
    Master October 2011
    Mrs. S™ ·
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    I know, it's just awful :-(

    @ Cheryl, I think avoiding any form of communication other than verbal is a very sound advice. But please find a way to get rid of guilt. That is usually a very unconstructive emotion and it won't help with anger management.

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  • Carole M (a.k.a "old tart")
    Master October 2011
    Carole M (a.k.a "old tart") ·
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    Cheryl, Don't beat yourself over this. It takes two to fight, even when it is done by texting. If I recall correctly, and I could be very wrong, and if I am I apologize, but, the impression I got from your other posts is that I didn't think your FH was quite ready to let anyone in his life with his son. This impression I had is based on 7 years of dating men with children and having children of my own.

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  • Carole M (a.k.a "old tart")
    Master October 2011
    Carole M (a.k.a "old tart") ·
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    As usual,well said Mrs. S!

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  • Cheryl
    Devoted November 2012
    Cheryl ·
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    I'm trying to forgive myself. Guess in time I will. He knows I went to therapy and that I have additional sessions already scheduled. I want him to see the changes and that I mean what I say. That's why I haven't reached out to him since the email. I promised in the email I would back off and that's exactly what I'm doing. I still have the ring though and told him I would give it back so I know when he gets back from his camping trip, we will have to have some kind of communication for that but I'm letting him initiate it. Thanks for your replies ladies.

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  • Mrs. Christie H~
    Super August 2012
    Mrs. Christie H~ ·
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    Cheryl, I pray that the two of you will overcome your communication differences and work things out!

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  • Mayra
    VIP September 2012
    Mayra ·
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    Like Carol said don't beat yourself up...You're trying to do something about it and going to sessions and all. So don't feel like its all your fault..You're doing you part...blaming yourself will only make things worse...

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  • Jasmine
    VIP September 2012
    Jasmine ·
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    I'll keep you in my prayers and I hate that you are having to go through this. But I'm with all the other ladies just give him time and everything will be okay.. If its meant to be then it will be.

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  • Fawn
    VIP October 2012
    Fawn ·
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    Praying for you, Cheryl. Just remember it takes too - it's good you are making the effort, but he needs to as well. Hang in there...

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  • Labake
    Master June 2012
    Labake ·
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    CHeryl I am so sorry to hear this. Right now, you need to focus on yourself and taking care of yourself. You've made an effort, now it's his turn.

    Please, don't beat yourself up.

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  • Michele
    VIP July 2010
    Michele ·
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    Sometimes I think texting was the worse thing technology ever came up with. So many relationships harmed because people text things they normally wouldn't say.

    I am so very sorry you have to go through this, Cheryl! Just so sad. I know it's tough, but right now is the time to focus on you. You cannot control his actions, you can only control yours. Work on who you are, make yourself the best possible woman you can be. I'll be thinking of you!

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  • Sabrina
    Master November 2014
    Sabrina ·
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    =( I hope you can both take the time and work this out. Hopefully he'll postpone and you can continue your own therapy and maybe you can BOTH go to couples counseling. best of luck

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  • Cheryl
    Devoted November 2012
    Cheryl ·
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    Thanks everyone. I pray every day that it will be God's will for us to get back together. I will continue my therapy. I agree with the couples counseling. I'm trying to remain positive, but it's hard.

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