I HATE My Fiance's Aunt & Don't Want Her or Her Husband at the Wedding...PLEASE HELP!

To add to it a bit more: I have TRIED to talk to my fiance about it, but I feel terrible bashing his family, and it feels as though that is what I'm doing, even when I going about it in a respectful manner. These lies and rumors that this aunt has spread are things that I simply cannot move past. It's important to my fiance that he not "rattle the family cage" by not inviting an aunt...who lives with his Grandfather....but she and her husband are just terrible human beings, and I don't know how to handle this without causing stress in my relationship. Any advice is welcomed!

Honestly I find it rude that you invite one but not the spouse. I can't stand my FSIL and my DF wanted to invite her husband only nope. I told him that doesn't look good. Not only that the husband is just the BIL but damn the sister won't come. I doubt she would be OK with it but I know it's rude. So I told him that I know if it was me and someone invited him and not me I would take it personal.

You are so right! That's how I see it. To me, it's not okay to invite one and not the other. I feel as though it should be both or neither. But my fiance doesn't want to cause problems among his family, so he wanted to "compromise" by inviting only the aunt and not her husband. To me though, the stuff she spread around was so beyond terrible that I cannot forgive her, and I don't want either of them there. Any idea how I can convince my fiance that neither should come? To give you some ideas, this aunt and her husband admitted to spreading the following, but only apologized to my fiance and said it didn't matter to apologize to me: 1. that I had an affair with her husband (eww). 2. I was raped and had a kid at 15 years old (not true at all). 3. I'm an athiest. That is just the tip of the iceberg. I just cannot seem to forgive either for it, but my fiance wants to make sure his Grandfather comes and believes he won't if we don't invite his aunt :-(

Wow that bites.i feel for you.does your Fh know the extent of the rumors that shes been spreading?if not you need to tell him. be honest and just tell him that you would be really uncomfortable and unhappy if she came

Sorry honey, but this isn't going to stop until it is properly addressed, invited or not invited. You are about to promise yourself to someone for the rest of your life and if you feel like they are still causing issues than your DF needs to step up and handle it once and for all. If that's been done, invite em and show him that you are supportive of his family. If its not really over, you will look like you did everything you could and will be the good guy. By not having them apologize to you, he is not supporting you.

It really sucks that she is that hateful to spread such lies & bs about you. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. But IMHO it's not up to you to invite or disinvite any of your FH family. If he wants to invite his aunt or dis-invite the husband or whatever, that's on him to deal with if any drama arises. But b/c that's not your family, as much as you dislike FH aunt, it's not your place to try to convince him to not invite her.

If she gets invited, just ignore her. Be cordial at the wedding, but that's it. If she starts drama it's up to your FH to tell her to stop or leave.

Edited: I do agree that your FH needs to support you on this. It's not ok for his aunt to be that way towards you, it's really unfair for you to have to deal with this.

Um why is your FH ok with inviting someone who is saying awful things about you? And no it is never ok to invite 1/2 of a married couple. That's wrong. And you think she would come at that point? I would call her out. Tell FH that there is no wedding if he is supporting her and see what happens. Sometimes it takes you being very drastic for the boys to understand how hurt this makes us.

People kill me with saying what's right and wrong when it comes to someone else's wedding and feelings! You need to nip this in the bud and address before your wedding and hope you guys work or out with all parties being present that's involved. I refuse to have my uncle's wife at my wedding until we hash out some things because I know it will make my father happy but I will not let someone tell me what I have to do because at the end of the day IT IS OUR DAY and it deserves to be a day of happiness and drama free! Who in the world wants the possibility of DRAMA at their wedding because of disrespectful family members...Pleassssse! Smh

Thank you so much everyone! I wish I knew why she keeps doing this, but the only thing I can think of is that she has a history (and scarily prides herself on being..) a pathological liar. It's even more pathetic that members of my FH family keep spreading the false gossip. My FH and I did go and confront her and other family members months ago to nip it in the bud, but then after a few weeks of quiet, she started up again. He does support me, but since this aunt lives with his Grandfather, he is so worried about him not attending which is why, unless she starts anything else, he wants to still invite her. I tried telling him that you cannot invite 1/2 of a married couple, but he still wants it that way. Maybe with a bit more time and communication, I can get him to understand how inappropriate that is.

Masquerade Bride, you make a valid point that since it's his family, it's not right for me to disinvite/not invite members of FH family, but the wedding ceremony and reception are both actually taking place as my parent's house, and since this couple cannot or does not respect me, me and my parents are so uncomfortable having them at their residence. FH wants to wait and see if she does anything else, and if so has agreed she isn't invited, but if by some miracle she behaves until then, I guess I truly will have to just suck it up and be cordial and invite her (be the better person I guess). Erica M. your comment is very true! It just sucks that we had to limit our guest list by 200 people and they would get invited when they aren't even supportive/nice when there are other people more deserving of the invitation. You all have been great helps, and I truly appreciate it! Thank you! :-)

Hey you,my advice is have a dinner or lunch with his parents and see where they stand with this. If the parents like you, they will defend you. Again I don't know, but if the parents didn't like you, that promotes the aunt to say things about you without anyone as powerful as his parents to stop her. Only then if the parents have your back, you two need to at least sit down and have an honest discussion with fh's aunt and don't lose your cool and keep your attitude to be at the best. If you discover she is a real b17(h to you then at least you came out as the better person in front of his parents. I read you did try previously and I am glad you did but some people need a few tries. But man those stories....I feel for you. I have a crazy aunt too. She is super cheap and says BS about everyone. But I think if I don't invite herby grandma would be upset.

My prayers are with you hun and I hope you guys get through this because it should be such a happy time for you and your FH and your families. I hope your other family members come to their senses

Alteray, I wish I could do that, but he's an orphan. His parents died years ago. His father figure is his Grandfather. But I think your advice is sound actually...even though he lives with this aunt, it would be beneficial to sit down with him and talk this through and see what he thinks/says about it. Chelsea H. thanks girl! My family loves FH, and I think most of FH family loves me despite these two crazy people!

Has he tried talking to his grandfather about it? It sounds like he doesn't really care about the aunt and uncle, so if the grandfather knows WHY they aren't invited, maybe he'll be okay with going to the wedding even if they aren't invited.

Oh man no wonder why you didn't mention his parents! Yes that will do, good luck chatting with the grandpa! And be very sincere that you are not the person the aunt is making you sound like and ask him if he believes in you. Remember grandparents are not the ones you can get snappy or have a bad attitude in front. I am not saying you have a bad attitude lol but you know when you hear bad things like that around you, you can easily turn on the defensive catty mode and just make sure that doesn't surface.

This is how I see it- don’t invite either! She should feel some shame in what she did so she should not be invited! Apologizing to you is the least she could have done. Because she didn’t shows she has NO respect for you, meaning she doesn’t respect your marriage. Your Future husband is not marrying his aunt but it marrying you and should care about your feelings. This is the one day that belongs to you and you should enjoy every moment. If her being there is going to affect you, she shouldn’t go. Let your husband be the one to tell them!!they need to respect you as his wife. If he doesn’t put his foot down now, the family will continue to talk badly about you and walk all over him. Also, please stand up for yourself- no more being nice! Those who matter don’t mind , those who mind don’t matter. BE HAPPY! Don’t let no IN-LAW get in the way of happiness!

Is there another family member who can bring the grandfather to the ceremony and home again? Under NO circumstances should this woman be invited to your wedding. Your FH needs to stand up for you and end the relationship with this woman.

Honestly, if he won't stand up for you now (and inviting her to avoid "rattling the family cage" means that he cares more about what his family thinks of him than what his family thinks of YOU or what YOU think of HIM), you shouldn't expect him to stand up for you later. You are supposed to be #1 in his life now, not his extended family.

I think ALL make very valid and honest points. It's true...she doesn't have respect for me, and has treated me unbelievably badly, which also reflects on disrespecting FH, so it's key that I get him to understand that in a respectful and understanding manner, so as not to further upset our relationship with this. Thankfully, his Grandfather drives (rather well for an old guy haha), so assuming this gets handled properly, I am pretty sure he'd still show...the talking to him part is a great idea! As much as I don't want to cause more upset with FH family, I think it's obvious that FH needs to step up and put his foot down, and that neither should be invited. Although family is beyond important to FH, I am about to be a part of that family, and he needs to stand up for me as his FW. Thank you so much guys! You've been a tremendous help!

If she prides herself on being a pathological liar, why is it that they all believe her?

Good question...actually, I don't think his other family members believe her. In fact, even though I try really hard to avoid those situations, and remove myself from the gossip as much as possible, it sounds like his family, although doesn't believe what is being spread around, seems to find it fun to still continue to spread it..and as people know: "broken telephone" is never a good thing, especially with false rumors/comments. Frankly, most of his family has been very nice and loving minus the fact that some how all of this stuff keeps spreading around. I think FH family just thrives on gossip, and whether they believe it or not doesn't matter. What they are too stupid to understand; however, (yes that's mean but SO TRUE), is that I actually am going for a real career (unlike 99% of his family)...and this stuff while they may be having "fun" could eventually destroy my career. Regardless, it needs to stop, and all your guys' advice is so helpful!