Guests of guests

So we totally are having this dilemma too!! Our goal was 75 people max, therefore we were super stingy about plus ones. We didn't give them out to anyone that wasn't in a serious relationship, engaged or married at the time of our invitations going out. Even then, some of the male guests didn't get plus ones because we aren't very friendly with their girlfriends...

One of my bridesmaids broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years two weeks after invitations went out. She now has a new fling and wants to know if he can come to my wedding with her (6 months from now). I told her no because once we found out they broke up, we invited someone from the "B" list. **Triggered**

View Quoted Comment SAME!


Weddings are more fun with a date, I don’t care of my single bridesmaid brings a gigolo - her happiness at my wedding matters to me! We found a way to budget for it!

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I agree with this. The first wedding I was in, I was the MOH at my sister's wedding back in 2007, and this was before the internet and forums and asking about what's "right" was a thing. She and her husband decided to only invite couples who were in long-term relationships, married, living with each other, or engaged. So that being said, there were some people whose SO's were not invited that did not meet those things. And guess what? Those people were at the wedding without their boyfriend/girlfriend, and they had a great time. There were single people at the wedding, and they had a great time. So "etiquette this, etiquette that" - you do what's best for you and your budget.

A good rule of thumb is to only give plus ones to people who have been in a relationship for 6 months by the time you make the guest list. You could also only give plus ones to couples who live together or are married.

We aren’t giving plus ones to anyone. We are inviting by name only.

Many weddings that I´ve been invited to only included guests for those who are engaged. So out of the dozens of weddings I've been to, only twice have I had a fiance to bring as my date! I had no problem hanging out with friends and family at the wedding because there were plenty of people who were also single or their spouses didn't come for whatever reason. The nice thing about the engagement cutoff is it's a clear line so you don't become judge of how serious a relationship is. Good luck!

I think there is a difference when it comes to who it is. If it's your cousins, they will be fine without their 2 month long SO. If its a friend with her year long SO, I would highly suggest inviting them. What it all comes down to is, it's your wedding. Do you want someone there who you don't even know their last name? or will be out of the picture in a month? You know your budget and what you can swing. The only person you need to make happy is yourself, you can't make everyone else happy. Stay strong girl!

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I did same

For me personally, I’m considering personal relationship with me or my fiancé, and not the time length of their relationship. I’ve already had to tell a few guests politely that either we couldn’t add a plus one, or that we only reserved a seat for them due to limited space/budget.

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How early did you send out your invitations? Etiquette says they should go out between 8-10 weeks. By the time your wedding comes around, they will be pretty serious. This is why you don't send out invitations that early and b listing is incredibly rude.

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Hi Jill! We're having a small destination wedding, therefore, our etiquette is slightly different than a "traditional wedding." We also wanted to be courteous and give our guests enough time to save money for travel & accommodations, along with childcare. As for the "B" list, it's not for everyone but it is our prerogative. Thanks for your input though

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Having a destination wedding doesn't make etiquette any different. So many things in people's lives can change in 6 months. New jobs, getting laid off, someone can engaged and married in that time frame. If you're okay with someone saying yes 6 months out and then circumstances change and then can't go anymore - go for it. However, making a bridesmaid travel for your destination wedding and not letting them bring their boyfriend is pretty crappy. But that's your prerogative.

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Sure it does. I'm not sure why you or ANYONE on this forum feels the need to school someone on the ebbs and flows of life. We are all grown adults and capable of making our own decisions, this is the decision my FH and I have come to. If we prefer not to invite someone's flavor of the month "boyfriend" to our wedding, or send out invitations early..... (again) that is our prerogative.

Someone's opinion that I don't know from Adam is not going to take our invitations out of the mail system, so I find it pretty crappy you would voice your unsolicited opinion on something I was basically concurring with another bride about??

View Quoted Comment When you post on a public forum, you open yourself up to other people’s opinion regardless if you asked for it or not. This is an etiquette board and if someone is doing something that in my opinion is against etiquette, I’m going to say something. They can agree with me or not ... no skin off my back. You have a nice night!

View Quoted Comment I mean, your bridal party absolutely should have the option to bring someone if they want. In theory, this person is one of your nearest and dearest friends.

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I completely understand that's tradition, however, we're not quite having traditional wedding, not to mention our venue has limitations. We're about 10 people away from capacity and in order for everyone to be comfortable, we are not looking to add anyone else to the guest list as of now.

View Quoted Comment It is absolutely 150% not about tradition. It’s about respect for the closest people in your life, who presumably are shelling out a fair amount of money to stand beside you on your wedding day.

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I do also totally understand. Hopefully our decisions as the bride and groom can be respected as well.

We invited anyone in a known relationship to bring their SO. If FH or I didn't know they were in a relationship, then we only invited that person with no plus one. We had to keep the guest list down somewhere and that was one of our methods to do so, along with deciding on no children included.

As it gets closer to the date, if we have extra space from other guests declining and someone asks to include a new SO then we'll do what we can to make that possible.