Guests: Aunt & Uncle Assuming Teenage Kids Are Invited

That's shitty, and awkward! I don't know why people just assume they're invited to stuff...

I would think you could just address their invite as Mr. and Mrs. Soandso, rather than Mr. and Mrs. Soandso & Family and indicate that you've reserved 2 spots for them, not 4.

Call them and talk to them. Unfortunately you will have to do it anyway if they change the RSVP card. I would just get it over with now.

ETA: I broke the rules and put nicely that its adults only on the RSVP card.

When you address your invitations, address it to Aunt and Uncle and leave it at that. If they RSVP for 4, you can follow up then. It would be super rude to actually put something in their invitation specifically saying who is NOT invited.

Thank you! yes, i did address the STD to just aunt and uncle, the cousins' names or the word "family" were nowhere on there! and they are still assuming this.

also, the issue is i can't use "no kids" as a rule, because the cousins are 16 & 18, i believe.

so the question is, do i awkwardly call and say i now know they are thinking this, which will still throw my mom under the bus and put her in the middle of it (which is exactly why she didn't say anything in the first place) or wait until i get the rsvp card?

rebecca i agree about not putting something in the invitation.

I would follow up after you receive the RSVP.

I don't think that you should call. Your actual invitations won't even go out for a while and a lot can change during that time. I still think it would be rude to specifically point out who is NOT invited, whether by invitation or phone call. If it comes up again while they're talking with your mom, she should pipe up and say that unfortunately due to venue space y'all are limited to aunts and uncles only.

Would they have to fly to your wedding? If they're local and wouldn't be booking non-refundable flights or anything, I'd just wait for the RSVP. Then you just say "Im sorry for the confusion, the invitation is only for you and Aunt Sue. We cannot accomodate Ann and Jim. We hope you can still make it!"

We are doing the same thing at our wedding. In order to avoid as little confusion as possible we are addressing invites only to Mr and Mrs and on our RSVP cards we are writing the amount of seats reserved for them (I.e. " we have reserved _2_ seats in your honor...") So everyone hopefully gets the hint without any awkwardness on our or their part.

Is your aunt or uncle your mom's sibling (assuming they are)? She should feel comfortable calling them up and explaining the situation, you'd love to include everyone, but with space restraints, you can't invite cousins.

I don't think you should call. You make your invites very specific as far as who is invited. You let your parents know that you've carefully curated the guest list, you send the invites and let the chips fall where they may.

Unfortunately, your Mom dropped the ball, on this one.

My MIL did, too. She was told our wedding was adults only and when her friend asked to substitute her 9 year old granddaughter, for her husband who might have to work, my MIL had a brainfreeze. My Mom dealt with it - my parents hosted - and wrote an e-mail to my MIL, saying it was her responsibility to correct what she said, to her friend. The adults only fact was on our wedding website and both StD and invitation were addressed to only adults.

I have a extremely entitled aunt. When we had a family wedding near a major, national theme park area, her husband called the MOB and said they were bringing the kids anyway, because they wanted to go to the parks. The MOB caved - the bride was livid. While we were there the aunt said to my sister and I, they can't wait for us to get married, because we have a nationally know amusement park, in our state.

My sister and I had to quickly leave the room, so we could burst out laughing. She may have seen our eyeballs roll, before we got out of there. That was the 2nd time in our lives we had seen the kids, and my family has been doing adult-only weddings for decades. They don't even exchange Xmas cards, with my parents. Geez!

Why aren't you inviting them, if it's not a "no kids" thing?

That being said, I had an adult-only wedding so invite who you want. We invited many of my parents' friends who have adult children but ONLY invited the parents, so you are absolutely within reason to invite whoever you want. If it was me, I would wait until I got the RSVP back rather than assume (no matter what they said to your mom).

Anna, it's that we simply cannot afford/do not have the space at the venue to invite our cousins. I simply said I can't use a "no kids" excuse like suggested because they are not young children, they are teenagers. But thank you for your advice! I am going to wait until I get the RSVP card back from them.

I think that since you know that they think the kids are invited you should at least send a email or something.

otherwise all this time they will be making plans to go, and they won't know until just weeks before hand that they were wrong all this time.

no matter who is in the right, I think most people would be angry with you for just waiting and not setting the record straight. sounds like you'll have to deal with this now or later on, I'd just deal with it now.

There's a chance they will figure it out for themselves if you make the invitations very clear. Also you may choose to use the RSVP method where you fill in how many are invited. I would wait until invitations go out.

I wouldn't say anything at this point in time, unless you're asked directly. Address your invitations very specifically, and indicate that you've reserve 2 seats for them on the RSVP. If you get the RSVP back and they've written that 4 will be attending, that's the time to have the conversation. The one exception would be if they're OOT guests. If that's the case, maybe ask your mom to talk to them so they don't book 2 airline tickets that can't be refunded.

Another vote for its way too early to mention.

RE their ages...I would say that unfortunately no guests under 21 are invited and you hope they understand

We tried the old "address to the specific person/people you want there only". We even added a line to the RSVP that said "reserved ___ seats in your honor" and wrote in the amount of people were invited. Most people adhered to it. However, one did not. We had FH's aunt and uncle call and harass his dad, scratch out their names and add their sons and their sons girlfriends and write over the 2 with a 6. In the end, we got it sorted out.

Try the invitation trick first. With any luck, it will be realized and left at that. If not, I would just try to be as courteous as possible but stand your ground. Of course you both would want everyone there if it could be that way, but at the end of the day it is you and your FH's wedding. You both have to do what is best for you.

Best of luck!

I'm going through the same thing and I really screwed up because I initially put "# of children" on the RSVP card. Many of our friends and cousins have kids and in my head that was a good way to get a quick count on kids. So stupid of me...

I put a note on our online RSVP that said, "while we both love children, we've elected to limit invitations for children to our family" and am HOPING most people go to the website and see that.

If possible, you could request that all of your guests RSVP online (my friend went this route for her very formal wedding so I think you can get away with it no matter the formality of your wedding) and put a note above the RSVP that indicates the wedding is for adults only. That might spare an awkward conversation.

If all else fails, maybe your MOH or another willing friend could make some calls for you. My good friend has volunteered to do that. Good luck!