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Just Said Yes May 2016

Guests: Aunt & Uncle Assuming Teenage Kids Are Invited

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Ariel, on August 21, 2015 at 12:30 PM

My mother recently told me she visited with one set of my aunts and uncles, and while she was there they were talking about how their kids are so excited to go to the wedding. My mother, while knowing we have made the decision to invite no cousins on either side due to both venue space and financial...

I feel that she may have validated them by not saying anything (though I understand her reasons for not, so no blame there), and now I don't know how to go about letting them know that this is not the case. Mom thinks I should put something saying that cousins are not invited in the invite to "avoid embarassment," but I think that might cause even more. A lot of posts cover how to address this when guests put more "attending" than were invited. My dilemma is that now I KNOW this is something they are assuming and so feel bad waiting until I get their response card that will say 4 instead of 2.

Now I don't know how to address this. Please help!

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24 Comments

Master May 2013
Dreamer · on August 23, 2015 at 2:01 PM
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Our wedding was adult only except for 1 guest - my honorary little sister (16.5), who was a bridesmaid. Our 1st cousins were either 23 and up, or 18 and younger; we aren't that close to the ones under 18; in fact 2 of 8, who were under 18, were on my side, and I've only seen them a couple of times, in my life.
There was some grumbling from the groom's side and my Dad's mother (an ace complainer), but no one offered to pay for them. (Guests 13 and up = full adult rate - no discount for 5 hours of open bar, 12 and under who wanted an adult entrée = full adult rate, so it was an easy decision).
It was the responsibility for the groom's father to tell his 2 brothers and sister, whose kids were under 21, that it was 21 and up. It was a heads-up, before the save the dates even went out. My Dad let his brother know, through an e-mail, which is the only way they communicate. He's the type who believes that the whole world should revolve around his kids. Of course, that uncle/aunt ended up boycotting. They didn't even RSVP.

P.S. My brother in law had made a remark to my mother about his cousins attending. His wedding is next year, and guess what? It's 21 and up.
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Beginner October 2015
Rowe · on August 23, 2015 at 3:09 PM
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Guest list is always an issue with wedding. Some people really love to invite themselves to this joyous occasion. I would like to invite everyone who like to come but it is not always realistic. In my case there were few cancellations so we were able to accommodate uninvited guest. I also put no kids under 3 to the wedding. I feel like its unfair to the little ones to stay up late of have the parents leave early because the kids are getting cranky.
I would wait for the RSVP and let them know that as much as you love to have everybody at the wedding, it is unfortunate that only 2 seats are reserved for them. I have a few friends that I invited last minute and they were understanding and happy with that. I think you just need to be honest, and hope that they understand.
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Super October 2015
Amy & Dan · on August 23, 2015 at 4:18 PM
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We are having a kids free wedding and on the reception card (not the invitation) said: Please join the us for an adult-only reception immediately following the ceremony.

Edit: Also, we addressed the invitations follows:

Outer envelope: Mr and Mrs John Smith
Inner envelope: John and Mary

We didn't include the children's names anywhere, plus the reception card...should be common sense honestly. We are currently awaiting the rest of our rsvps so we will see, I guess!
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Dedicated July 2016
Mrs. (future) Doraska · on August 24, 2015 at 12:51 PM
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We will struggle with this as well once we send invitations out. To combat this from the beginning, I think we are going to include something also the lines of "Due to reception space, we ask that only those listed on the invitation attend." I'm not sure about exact wording, but we are already at 300 people and can't accommodate anymore.
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