Guest wedding Attire.

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I guess for me, if someone could genuinely only afford jeans or a white dress or cargo shorts or whatever, owned literally no other clothes and could only come to the wedding if they wore those things, then of course - no one at our wedding would care. We love this person to have invited them and presumably would prefer to share the day with them in any capacity than to have them stay away for something as silly as what they're wearing.

But let's be real - for most people, that is simply not the case, and it's not so much trying to control how guests dress, as much as it is hoping that they will show a level of respect for the gravity of the event. You don't go to church or synagogue or temple in a singlet, you don't wear shoes or leave your phone on in class in a yoga studio, and you don't talk at the top of your lungs in a library.

As a guest, wearing what the host has asked of me is just another of those things - it is about showing a level of respect for the place, the sanctity of the event and the person who is hosting me. It is a social contract in which there is an expectation of certain behaviours and dress, and if I am not comfortable with what that is for the couple extending the invitation, I am by no means obligated to attend.

Jeans at a wedding are so inappropriate IMO. Most of our guests know how to dress to a wedding based on venue and season, but we specifically had to put a note about attire on our website for 1-2 guests who just don't seem to understand that special events call for nicer attire.

I find dress codes confusing, and we are fine with a "range" of appropriate dress, so we put the following on our wedding website:

Wedding dress codes are super confusing, but we recommend somewhere between semi-casual and semi-formal - think a typical upscale New England outdoor wedding.

At minimum, a nice button down shirt, pants, and nice shoes for the guys but feel free to break out the suit you haven't touched since pre-Covid if you want. Anything in between would be appropriate as well. Please no sneakers, sandals, shorts, or jeans/denim.

Ladies, this event is the perfect excuse to dig your favorite wedding guest dress out of your closet or buy that super cute floral midi you've been eyeing but had no idea what to wear it to for the past year. Please don't worry about avoiding our "wedding colors" as there will be no bridesmaids at this event. Do note that part of our event is outdoors, so we recommend sensible footwear such as a wedge, block heel, or nice flats.

Please also factor in the weather when you consider your attire for the day, as well as any "extras" like sunblock or bug spray.

View Quoted Comment I totally think including a dress code is appropriate but this is WAY too much. I actually LOL’ed reading this. It comes off quite condescending - people know how to dress within a code and wear spf... it sounds like a sales pitch to dress nice lmao.

I'm not placing anything on the invitation itself in regards to dress code, but I am putting a blurb on our website about cocktail attire requested, please no jeans.

At my sister's wedding about half of her guests wore jeans, and I really don't like that at weddings. Our event is at a zoo and completely outside, so I know several people (ones likely to be in formal photos) that would wear jeans despite it being a wedding.

Mid-west culture has really fallen into jeans at a lot of events unfortunately. I agree with Rosie that it's more a matter of respect to the couple now. It's not asking a lot to put the jeans away for one day.

However, turning a guest away just because they don't fit-in is a little much. I might roll my eyes upon seeing them, and when I get a chance to talk to them it may be a 'Wow. Couldn't part with the jeans for one night?' side comment, but overall you just have to roll with it. No point in holding a grudge or kicking someone out just because they can't use basic common sense.

If you let a little thing like that ruin your wedding day you've got to re-sort your priorities.

We had a small wedding but I made sure to tell everyone I wanted them to wear suits/tux and that all the girls were wearing long dresses and everything came out perfect!!

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Didn't ask for your opinion. Dress codes have a ton of room for interpretation and some events have a range of dress that would be appropriate so a single dress code doesn't fit. If you look up wedding dress codes you will get conflicting information from different blogs, wedding websites, fashion sites, etc. I didn't want to put anything at all (because if I ask 10 people what "semi formal" is, I'll get 10 different answers), but some of our guests really need more guidance.

I think people should just base what to wear off of the venue, season, and time of day and ask the couple if they have questions. But I had to specifically inform one of our guests that pants (not shorts) are expected and he was like "oh thanks for telling me" because apparently he couldn't figure that out on his own. Also those traveling to our wedding and unfamiliar with the area tend to be surprised by the temperature fluctuations and bugs during late spring (black flies don't exist in the area where I grew up, and it was 46 degrees at our venue last weekend but anticipated to be 90 degrees this weekend). I was just going to leave dress code off entirely and reach out to the few guests we were concerned about, but a number of guests I was pretty confident would know how to dress without being prompted asked about what to wear, so a more lengthy description seemed appropriate. Guests who want the information have it, guests who don't want the information won't bother to read it.

View Quoted Comment It’s not the providing information it’s the way it’s written sounds like a cheesy tampon commercial. That’s my unwanted opinion.

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Well I guess you know what to do with that tampon then!

B for effort.

I mentioned dress code on our website. I could lie and say I don't care what my guests wear but I do lol. Some of my family aren't the best at dressing for a specific occasion so asking them not to wear jeans or casual attire was always going to be a thing lol. I think I said it pretty nicely on our website and no one has said anything other than asking what colors they should wear (which I don't care about)

View Quoted Comment I live in the US and am surprised to learn it’s controversial to put anything other than black tie or white tie on an invention. I’ve received plenty of invitations that specified cocktail, semi formal or black tie optional. We specified formal attire on our invitations. Guess I committed an etiquette error without even knowing it!

View Quoted Comment That’s reassuring!
Honestly I think there are some people on here who are far too concerned about etiquette.

What is someone going to do if you write ‘cocktail attire’ on an invitation - stop talking to you?!

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Shhhh before the etiquette police get you lol

(I agree)

View Quoted Comment Right?! The way I see it, I have communicated my expectations to my guests. Not all of my guests are going to go look at our wedding website. I have no plans to enforce the dress code because it isn’t required by my venue, but I see absolutely zero harm in having communicated the level of formality we are planning for our wedding. Etiquette be damned 😊

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Just keep in mind that it will probably be humiliating for the person being turned away, and could likely hurt the relationship. Totally agree that it's kind of crazy to wear jeans to a wedding, but some people just think differently I guess, and hey they're gonna do what they're gonna do.

IMO the focus should be on the marriage, not guest's attire.

I am with you on this and added a line on our wedding info card that dress code is semi-formal (no jeans or tees) and said this is your time to look fabulous! I am not very old however, I am old fashioned and believe that there are occasions when dressing up is a must. People can wear jeans or sneakers any time on THEIR time. People these days have become too lax in some ways, and have lost a sense of value in tradition. There is a time and place for everything and unless you are having an informal backyard wedding (and state informal), then jeans are simply not appropriate.

View Quoted Comment I share the same sentiment! It’s one day. Who doesn’t want to look great for an evening? I don’t think it’s asking too much.

You should definitely have a chest cold people will come in and sneakers and jeans and that is on appropriate for a wedding

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Me too!!! this is outrageous

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Me too. Our wedding was an 11am outdoor in an arboretum - kind of assumed it was semi formal but if people came in jeans so what? Even if I had a formal wedding I would not care if people came like they got off work from Jiffy Lube. I don't care - I want people there.

But to turn people away? Friendship ending and relatives will be highly annoyed and will talk about it for years.