Guest: Recent breakup, wants to replace +1

If your final number has been turned in or your rsvp date has passed, I would allow it. Most people won’t realize it’s not a committed, long term relationship. But if you’ve already counted her +1 in your numbers, I wouldn’t want to waste the money. If it’s still early, then you have to decide if it’s worth the argument/drama.

I agree with your position on this. I didn’t want strangers at my wedding so we did the same thing.

Absolutely NOT. Do you want to share your day with a stranger?

I see both sides of this but if your #s are in I understand that and if he's a stranger I understand.

Just let her know that you and your fiance made an agreement that there would be no guests that you don't already know. So, no strangers allowed.

If you want to allow the +1, is there a mutual friend of yours and hers she can bring? Just as an example, my mom is single. She has a guest, but we will need a name before invites go out. I told her if she is not in a relationship well before then, maybe she'd like to bring her a best friend who is someone myself and my fiance grew up with or have met. No strangers will be attending our wedding.

I agree to having her either bring a mutual ish friend who didn’t get put on the a list, but not allowing her to bring this other guy friend that you don’t know. #strangerdanger

If it were me I’d say yes. I trust my friends enough to not being a crazy person to my wedding. I’d rather her enjoy her night.

If your final numbers have already been turned it, simply tell her that it’s too late to make that change. Otherwise, I would just allow it, as you did originally give her a plus one, even if it wasn’t for this specific person. I doubt you’ll even notice him there.

I would make sure you use kind words when talking to her about it. She might see it as wanting to forget the person she was supposed to be there with that night. A lot of people tend to use straightforward words, especially over text, but I feel like you can be a little nicer. Definitely tell her you're sorry to hear about her and soandso, but that you and your fiance had planned for +1s to only honor established relationships. Since soandso will no longer be attending, you would feel more comfortable if she didn't bring a total stranger to your wedding, and that you hope she can understand and have a great time with her friends at your wedding. But ultimately, I agree. No strangers.

Just say what you’ve said here. While I don’t support the whole “no strangers at my wedding!” idea, invites are not transferable (unless you want them to be) and it is fine to say “im sorry we didn’t give plus ones to any single guests so I don’t think it would be fair” — exactly as you worded it seems fine - fair, concise, reasonable. She’ll probably be understanding and was just asking in case she could.

“barring people in a relationship, we didn’t give guests a +1 and hope she’s comfortable attending on her own as she will have other friends there” this is fine. Stop before you get to the part about bad idea to bring strangers (it can come across as rude AND it gives her something to argue with [ie “oh he’s super great and trustworthy!” Or “okay you can meet him next weekend”])

The "no strangers at my wedding" mentality has always baffled me when coming from people with larger weddings. I'm assuming people haven't met or really gotten to know all their friends and families' SOs. I get not giving plus ones to single guests if they a) don't have to travel and b) know a fair amount of people going to the wedding, but the reception is thrown literally to thank your guests for coming to your ceremony. I'd always want my nearest and dearest to be comfortable, and that oftentimes includes bringing their SO.

Sorry, unrelated rant over.

OP, your friend's going through a breakup and your already (I'm assuming) accounted for the ex's spot. If bringing someone else would help her a bit in the process of a break-up (I've been to a wedding alone following a break-up before. It is... not pleasant, to say the least) then I think it'd be great if she were able to do that.

You're perfectly allowed to make that call and decision. We also didn't give any plus ones because we didn't want strangers around. My bridesmaid and her boyfriend broke up. She's coming alone. I also think it's strange your friend said okay I am coming alone then changing her mind again. That would annoy me. I would simply state along the lines of what you are thinking "Unfortunately we didn't accommodate for anyone to have a plus one because we wanted to spend the special occasion with those who are nearest and dearest to us. It would be unfair to make some exceptions. I hope you understand!"

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I don't think it's baffling at all. I do agree with you that if they aren't traveling/know people thing it's not necessary, but I would even go beyond that for certain reasons. At my friend's wedding they gave the groom's younger brother a plus one and he brought one of his old friends (who the bride and groom did not know that well) and she proceeded to bring drugs onto the property and they both got high and he is on certain meds in which he can't be mixing them so he was a crying mess. I think anyone can use the no strangers at the wedding rule if they want! Some bride's and groom's have enough on their plates with family and friends who can't control themselves around alcohol, etc. so to add people I wouldn't know seems like a disaster.

It is okay for guests to ask you, not bad manners, since they do not know the basis for your plus one policy, and you might be giving plus ones to those with casual dates. . . And it is perfectly okay for you to say no.

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But that could have happened from anyone at any time. I was really referring to brides and grooms who refuse to invite their friends and families' significant others solely based on the grounds that they haven't met them. If the groom's younger brother was in the wedding, then yeah, that plus one was absolutely warranted. It's awful that she brought drugs, but the bride and groom obviously didn't know that was going to happen. That's literally a one-off example.

Are you saying people with alcoholics in the family have grounds to not give out any plus ones to people? You're kind of operating under the assumption that all plus ones are going to be terrible or disruptive people. For the most part, if you trust your friends and family (and I doubt you should invite anyone to your wedding you don't trust) then a plus one, or a direct invitation to the significant other, should be a totally fine thing.

View Quoted Comment Yikes, yeah just cuz a bride or groom doesn’t know a significant other doesn’t mean not invite them. And then no I’m saying that alcoholics in the family is already one factor so why add in more that could cause potential issues. Yes, it’s one scenario but a good enough one for me to decide we didn’t want random people at our wedding. I don’t think anyone is entitled to a plus one for an event someone else is throwing. Another stance of the stranger aspect is that I really don’t want pictures of random people at our wedding. I already don’t remember half of my FH’s military friends’ spouses/SOs so that was enough for me haha.

I actually allowed that. We had the exact same situation happen and we just said sure, bring someone else then. To me I didn't really care it wasn't his girlfriend anymore that he brought since my worry was moreso about the count.

We had the same exact situation, and we said yes feel free to bring someone else. We also hadn't allowed any of our other friends to bring plus one's unless they were married or unless we were good friends also with their SO but we felt like the overall headcount was more important and that a promise of a plus one was a promise.

I think you can justify it both ways. If you are concerned about having strangers at your wedding, it is understandable to rescind the plus one offer. Consider having a phone call or face to face conversation to do so, just so they know you aren't trying to add hurt to them after a breakup. Just explain that it wouldn't be fair to the other guests. That is how we explained it to others!

View Quoted Comment Same! I want our friends and family to be comfortable and have fun at our wedding. I don’t need to know their date. That’s absurd to me. I’ll meet them at the wedding. Big deal. 🤷🏼‍♀️

View Quoted Comment I trust all our family/friends to not associate with a bad crowd or to have poor judgment in terms of bringing a shady character to our wedding.