Groom got cold feet

It sounds like hes not ready monetarily? Like he wants you guys to have a base setup before you get married.

Maria, I would sit down and feel out FH's thoughts on this. Does he just want a longer engagement so you guys can get a house and settle down before marrying? From what you are saying it sounds like hes not calling it off, but slowing you down just a little.

Well he wants to marry you it sounds like, if he is saying he wants to buy a house with you I don't think he is looking for a way to not be with you. I think sometimes some people are just more practical and he is thinking financially a house should come first and then pay for a wedding, if you're okay without a big wedding and something small even if it's just the two of you, let him know that, he may be ready for that!

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Maybe you need a longer engagement.

I don't think it's cold feet. You should have a sit down with him and talk about goals together. Maybe a house is more important than a wedding. Maybe you can run the subject of eloping by him.

As far as timeline, I don't think it really matters. My fiance and I are in an apartment and we're not going to worry about buying a home until after we're married. I would ask him why it's important to him that you have a home first. In my opinion it seems a little backwards. Buying a home is a huge property commitment, you have to have an intimate conversation about your credit history, it can be very stressful. I had a lot of friends who wouldn't buy a house with the SO until they were at least engaged if not married so they have more security. My theory on waiting is that we will get money as wedding gifts that we can use towards a down payment. Everyone is different and has different priorities of how they want to accomplish their life goals, but I would try to get to the root of his concerns. What makes him concerned about getting married without buying a house first? If it's money, you can just have a smaller wedding. It doesn't seem like he's purposefully trying to hurt you (unless you find out that he is just making excuses and there really aren't any underlying concerns), but without pressuring him, you can just ask why he feels this way. If you feel uncomfortable making a large purchase like a house without the assurance of a marriage commitment, I think that's good for you to share as well. Good luck.

I read this and have to remind myself to take a breath because the lack of punctuation makes it hard to read. Did he propose? It seems like you just set the date for the wedding and went full speed ahead?

You can't set a date without a venue. They go hand in hand. Did he propose to you? Did you guys have a serious discussion about marriage and your future? I don't think it's getting cold feet if he wants to buy a house first. To me, that shows he has his priorities in order.

How long have you been engaged? How long have you been together? You said four years, but I'm not sure if you mean you've been engaged four years or you've been together in a general relationship sense for four years.

It sounds like you two are on two different pages about the wedding. You want the marriage first, he wants a house first. I wouldn't take this as he doesn't want to marry you per se, but take it as a sign that you need to sit and have a serious conversation about your expectations, etc.

Do you live together and just don't own the house or do you live separately? Also, how old are you? These things will help us help you

I need advice

me and my fiancé have been together for your years

I set the date for the wedding

he said its was ok

then I stated to tell everybody

following that I started planning the venue for the reception

I even get two vendors answers me for appointment for the venue

two days ago I told him we need to sit and set the budget for the wedding

I even told my dad

he tells me oh you are going too fast

we have a year to plan everything

later he says it wasn't the right time to get married

we didn't have a house yet where to live

he prefers have a house and then get married.

I'm devastated

I love him very much and that hurts me

but I don't want a man marry me because he felt pressure

to do it has to come from him

Am I right ?

Yes, you are right, no pressuring anyone to do anything.

Are you engaged? It sounds like you told him you were getting married and started planning the wedding and he stopped you to say "Maybe not right now, I'd like to buy a house first". He's making more sense than you are right now.

Did he actually propose or at least have a SERIOUS conversation about wanting to get married. Because the way it sounds from your post if you just started deciding. He may not want to hurt you but he might just not be ready and looking to slow things down. It took my FH seven years to finally be ready.

Do you have the actual ring? ( now, I know some people don't need a ring to be engaged, but most cases, its done with a ring, or verbally and THEN they get a ring, whatever works for them at the moment.)

did he ACTUALLY propose to you? if yes, did you PESSURE him to propose?

Not having a house is a bs excuse.

Yes I understate that we have priorities , I want a house too, but there is a lot of things to do before having a house, its not like you say : today I want a house, and tomorrow you are going to get the house, and also , a house cost money, it could happen in a year or three years and then what, the kids , and after that , the kids college, is always going to be something.

End of the day, you both need to have a conversation.

You're ready to invest in the wedding right now. He's ready to invest in a house right now.

You're on two different wave-lengths.

My aunt and uncle got engaged, but they did not wed until they had their housing figured out. They didn't go for a house, they were both fine with an apartment. My uncle wanted to marry, but it was important to my aunt that they had their own space first. They had their apartment and were wed within two years of getting engaged.

I really think you guys need to talk. Who knows? The cost of the wedding and the cost of a house combined might be scaring him a little. A heart-to-heart should help.

It sounds like you will need to talk and figure out your goals together! You can definitely buy a house and have a wedding, its not an either-or situation, but both cost $$ so you need to figure out what you can afford to put toward buying a home and hosting a wedding. Honestly, getting married only costs as much as the marriage license and some rings, but depending on your priorities and if you want to host a wedding, obviously that will cost more. You and your FH just need to communicate and work out a compromise.

OP, thank God that he is telling you now and not a month or two before. If he proposed, why are you 2 years into the engagement without any real plans to get married? I dated FH for almost 7, and it was only after he felt financially secured that he proposed, I simply respected this given that we didn't have any relationship issues and I was able to trust that he simply had goals he wanted to accomplish before moving into marriage... and so did I. He proposed this past summer I was excited and thought that we would get married in 2019 (given how long it took him to propose) and he told me that he wants to get married way sooner, so we are planning for next summer or fall. When a man is ready, he is ready. And you should not push him. If you want things faster or there are other underlying issues you may want to reconsider your investment into the relationship. Best of luck.

I had the exact issue a year back with FH wanting a house and car before we got married it's hard to comprehend when you already start planning and all that but for me we sit have a convo and came to an understanding we bought a car and our house will be ready in the next 3 weeks and our wedding is next year June am glad we did all this before the wedding even though my engagement is super long almost 2 and a half years

Well we have been going to church for almost a year, and the Bible says that you should marry before living together with a man, and I now we did it backward , but at the time we moved together we were not christians, and it sounds embarrassing what I am about to say ,but he didn't propose either , here is how the thing went I want it to buy some jewel but they didn't approve me for refinancing the jewel, so my fiancé boyfriend at the time lend me his credit card and we both went to the jewel store and , once we were inside the sales lady convinced us to buy our engagement rings. So when we finished the shopping we were ready to leave I told him to bend his knee and ask me if I want to marry him. end of the story. DON'T JUDGE ME, PLEASE.