Groom changing last name or creating new last name

I wouldn't want to do it. I would rather just keep my last name that making one up. I think it could be hard for future kids. They will have no real heritage.

I would love if my FH would consider this. It's important to me to have a family name for me, my FH, and our future kids, but I hate the idea of changing my name to his just because that's how patriarchal traditions tell us it works. His name is also *extremely* common, and has caused him a fair amount of grief as a result... why he would want to put his kids through that is beyond me.

I have one close friend who sat down with her spouse and went back through their family trees until they found a name that they both shared and chose that as a family name. I love that idea and would absolutely change my name to a shared family name if FH would be willing.

How would one explain that on a family tree? My parents said F our ancestors and made up their own name? Or am I the only one who had to do the family tree thing in grade school?

I don't see the problem with it. I'm sure people might question you on it, but you can answer it how you feel appropriate.

ETA: When families started coming over to the US way back when, they made up new last names. Either shortened it or changed all together to sound more "American". So it's not like it's a new concept, just one that isn't done as much as it used to.

There are then legal costs associated with this....just so you are aware.

I like it! If you are both in agreement about it, I think it's pretty cool.

I thought there was another Jasmine that brought this up awhile ago. What a weird coincidence.

Is there a particular reason why he wants to change his name rather than both of you just keeping yours?

@ Monica, it's completely viable and costs no more where I live.

I like the idea. My husband didn't want to though so I took his name. Just don't pick something stupid.

FH and I were thinking about coming up with a new last name but we didn't want to have to go through all the legal stuff. I don't think that having a new last name would mean your kids have no real heritage. You have a heritage from your mother's side of the family yet traditionally you don't share the same last name.

Monica--changing your last name at marriage is free for both spouses in most states! It's just changing your name or last name outside of a marriage or divorce situation that incurs extra fees, newspaper postings, etc.

FH and I did it. I think our kids will be just fine, no different than my adopted sister managed to survive her parental genes topic in school

ETA I would recommend FH changing his name in advance of the wedding, wasn't too difficult or expensive in IL for the lack of stress of a name change at the wedding

He is proposing we just do like this doctor did in the article so we would be Holister Sinclair

instead of me becoming Holister-Sinclair, but I don't know So basically I add Sinclair but with no hypen to the end of my name and he adds Holister in front of his last name

The article was interesting in bringing up the possible discussion points that this doctor didn't think his last name would cause a debate on

I have known people who have done this. Your heritage is in the people who raise you and the stories and traditions you pass on, not in a name. My father's family name was changed when they entered this country and it was already uncommon, so the only people who have it are directly related to me. That is actually kind of cool. Just be aware that there is a law in Tennessee that won't let you give your child a combined name like what you are thinking of http://www.npr.org/2014/09/15/347954339/creating-your-baby-s-last-name-tennessee-says-no

So...don't live there if you do it

@MS4...I just sent my friend Michelle a FB message asking about this....she is an attorney and according to her only six states allow this without additional court fees and posting in the local newspaper: North Dakota, Georgia, Iowa, Massachusetts, New York and Hawaii.

She said that when man changes his name change it is not considered part of his marriage-it is considered a legal name change. Tried to Google it, but did not find any good info. One site said the cost is about $300 in court fees, but I think this would vary widely by state.

I was going to say the same thing as Monica. There actually are fees associated with this in most states and usually you have to post the name change in a newspaper and set a court date. My friend just did this in Nebraska. Personally I think it's awesome. But it sounds like the OP is just talking about her and her FH taking each other's names and both having two names? Is that right? So you're not like creating a new one, you're just both having two? I still think that's cool and there's nothing wrong with it at all.

So interesting that a man would have to pay to change his name and that many states wouldn't allow; we are in California, so I guess we have to do some digging about the cost if we decide

doesn't it seem a little discriminatory now that I think about it that - like it is expected only a woman would change her name

^^ yes, a very interesting / annoying double standard.

Do what makes you happy. A new last name could start an entire new "family tree" and would be cool! I have considered it.

In California either spouse may change their middle or last name on the marriage license to either spouse's current last name, both last names or a combination of the two. I just got my marriage license in California and had to sign a form which basically said I understood that as long as the new name is on the marriage license neither myself or FH would have to go through the court process to change our names. Not sure about other states but California treats both parties the same.