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Giving gifts after not receiving any?

Kaitlin, on July 1, 2020 at 2:26 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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Hello! My soon to be sister in law did not come to my wedding shower or bachelorette (which is fair, because they were both not in state, but she was in the wedding), but did not send or give any gifts for the shower or wedding. Now that it’s her turn, am I obligated to give gifts for the shower and wedding? PS, for full disclosure - she did not pay for any travel, accommodations, or hair for the wedding, either, and bridesmaids dresses were $60. Thank you!

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11 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs. Coakley, on July 5, 2020 at 10:05 AM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 1, 2020 at 2:33 PM
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You're never obligated to give a gift but it's just a nice gesture to.
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Super May 2021
Stacey · on July 1, 2020 at 2:41 PM
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Like Melle said, you're never obligated to give a gift. However, if you choose not to give one for the reasons above, I don't think that is the right rationale. If you are someone who would normally give a wedding gift, I'd stay true to your own standards and ideals.
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on July 1, 2020 at 2:45 PM
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Gifts are never required, as others have said. Also, they are not quid pro quo. You should decide whether you want to give a gift or not based on the desire/financial feasibility of doing so, not because of what she did in the past.
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on July 1, 2020 at 3:01 PM
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Are you obligated? No. Should you be going tit for tat on wedding gifts? Also no. If you’re able to give a gift, in my opinion you should, and it shouldn’t have anything to do with what she did or didn’t do for you when you were getting married.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 1, 2020 at 3:14 PM
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Gifts are never required, but they’re also not a tit for tat thing. If you can afford to and would typically give a gift, it’s petty not to just because she didn’t give you one.
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Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on July 1, 2020 at 3:49 PM
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I've always thought that the BP is exempt from the gift expectation.
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Expert December 2020
Kayse · on July 1, 2020 at 4:38 PM
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You aren't obligated, but I think it's probably the right thing to do.
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Master October 2022
Jana · on July 1, 2020 at 4:50 PM
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I agree with this. Give a gift because you want to, not because you're in a competition with someone.
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Super November 2019
Mrs. S · on July 1, 2020 at 5:15 PM
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My bil and wife didn’t come to our bach, shower, or actual wedding. He was a groomsman and all expenses were going to be paid for them. They never even sent a card or note, it was incredibly hurtful. Now I’m supposed to buy a baby gift for them and it’s taking all the strength I have to do it. But I will do it because it’s the right thing.
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VIP December 2021
mrswinteriscoming · on July 1, 2020 at 11:06 PM
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As others have said, giving a gift isn't obligatory, but I think it is in poor taste not to.
I take gift giving very seriously and I do not give gifts to people who don't reciprocate (for people who don't even give a card with nice sentiments) but given it is your SIL, it's a little tricky and won't be nice if you don't with these circumstances in mind.
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