Gift giving for guests

I don't get invited to weddings a lot but I usually give $200 regardless of who it is since my FH and I both go. Good place to start is $100 or $150 and you can decide from there what you want to do. Honestly though you give what you can afford!

What my fiancé and I always try to do is we try to give as much as we think our meals cost. I know that sounds weird, but typically if we think it’s probably 150 bucks a plate we each give 150, so when me and my husband usually attend weddings we get about 300 bucks in an envelope. We’ve attended weddings where obviously they weren’t anything close to being 150 bucks a plate. Probably more like 40 bucks a plate. We disregard the plate cost at that point and we simply just give 100 bucks apiece. So collectively 200. We do this if there is no registry. Sometimes even if there is a registry I still like to give money because this allows the bride and the groom to buy things that they actually need. Sometimes they might feel funny putting things on a registry so I always think it’s best to just give cash. I would never ever give less than $100. no matter if it’s a backyard wedding and BYOB.

View Quoted Comment That's a good point. In the past, a lot of times I was going without FH (our circles had the "no ring, no bring" rule, which I didn't like but went with), so now I'm going to have to plan for gifting for the two of us.

I usually do $100

Depends on the closeness but between $150-300 as it’s from my husband and I.

That is strictly personal preference and what works with your budget since no two people have the same finances. Generally, I will purchase a $50 gift from your registry. If you are my best friend, I will spend closer to $150 on a gift. If there is no registry, I will send a card only, no cash.

View Quoted Comment Can I ask why you don't do cash gifts? I actually have never given a cash gift either because I prefer a registry, but every wedding I have been to had a registry

Where I am from it is custom to give a boxed gift at the shower and cash at the wedding. The past 3 weddings I've been to (early 20s) we have given $100 as a couple. Will probably up that in the coming years.

No one in my family or social circle gives cash gifts for any occasion. I've never heard of them before WW where they seem to be preferred over the registry. Cash in general is very impersonal, same with gift cards. W with an actual gift, you know it's something they want and will appreciate. I've always given registry gifts as have everyone I know. Same for fiance's family and social where cash gifts are not given. I have only attended one wedding out of countless that did not have a registry.

When invited to the shower, a smaller gift is given. At the wedding, the larger gift is given.

I truly think it matters on what you can afford, and I don’t think anyone should go into debt for a wedding.
Young people just starting out who have student loans, not making much money, are trying to get settled in - $25 may be from the heart!
It used to be, back when my mom got married, that the parents friends would come to the wedding and give cash/check. It was understood that the bride and groom’s peers in the same situation - starting out in life - and couldn’t afford much.Now people are really delaying marriage, paying for their own weddings and the social structure of the previous generations chipping in to “help them set up house” has gone by the wayside. So..give what you feel comfortable with.

View Quoted Comment Okay I feel less bad about giving $75 in the past now. That was probably the most I could really afford.

It really just depends on what you can afford! If we give a gift from their registry, I typically get a gift around the $40-$50 range since we get invited to showers, engagement parties etc. If we give a monetary gift, $100 is our comfortable zone.

View Quoted Comment I normally give a gift around $75-$100 depending on how close I am to the couple, but I'm pretty shocked at the amounts listed on this post! I created my registry with a range of items to fit everyone's budget, with a majority of items around the $50-$75 range because I thought that was about average. I didn't realize it was common to give non-close family members gifts in the $200 range!

View Quoted Comment This is the same custom as where I’m from (Northeast). I usually spend between $50-80 on a registry gift depending on my closeness to the couple—and I give the same amount whether or not I am able to attend the shower.


For the wedding we start at about $200 cash and go up from there depending on our closeness to the couple. The most that my husband and I have given as a couple was $500 for a very close cousin. That’ll probably be our standard going forward for people in that circle of closeness.

I think it also varies region to region. I'm from NJ and honestly, a lot of weddings are here are EX.PENSE.IVE. We're talking like $250-400 a plate. I would love to be able to cover our dinner, but honestly just can't at that rate. At the end of the day, you have to feel comfortable with whatever you give. Can be $50, can be $350. Personally, I'll try to get a gift off their registry for the shower, and then a cash/check of $200-300 from the two of us for the wedding depending on our relationship with the couple.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I don't like the cover your plate rule as much because it's common where I'm from for parents to host the event and throw super lavish parties that people our age probably couldn't afford. So of course the guests would struggle to cover our plates. I went to a wedding where my best estimate of the per-head F&B is $1,000. I've also been to weddings where my plate was $20-40. I don't think I needed to give the one bride a thousand dollars and the other $40, I gave them both about the same value gift from their registries

View Quoted Comment I am from the Northeast too! Took me a while to adjust to wedding customs in other places 😆

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You give what you afford. Not everyone has that much money they can or want to set aside for a gift no matter how close they are.

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The cover your plate concept makes no sense. Because not everyone has that money to spend on a gift. Also, the couple who is paying the catering bill should have the only knowledge of the price per plate. It is never the guests' business to know at all. This is a ploy by the wedding industry with the lavish tv weddings without any sense of real life to make guests shell out more money than they need to.

So what they say is you're supposed to give the cost of your plate and double it. To cover your costs and actually be giving a gift. But I think it's a matter of what you can afford and are comfortable giving.