Rachel
Beginner May 2021

Getting Married for Insurance

Rachel, on February 28, 2020 at 3:36 PM

Posted in Community Conversations 68

Hello! Please, no judgement or harshness. My fiance and I are contemplating getting married at the courthouse for insurance in March or April but have our wedding date already set for May of 2021. He turns 26 in April and his current employer does not offer health insurance but mine does. We aren't...

Hello!

Please, no judgement or harshness.

My fiance and I are contemplating getting married at the courthouse for insurance in March or April but have our wedding date already set for May of 2021. He turns 26 in April and his current employer does not offer health insurance but mine does. We aren't planning on exchanging rings or vows until our May 2021 date. I do understand that if we get married in March or April that we will be legally married but I still want to have the ceremony and reception next May. I've read a good amount on this and people seem to be very mixed from the viewpoint of "do whatever you want" to "that's dishonest and rude". I am more on the fence about this as I want the traditional wedding experience (bachelorette party, bridal shower, etc.) and I believe he wants the same for himself. On the other hand, I don't think he's thought about this as thoroughly as I have (hello anxiety/overthinking). It is not my intention to lie to anyone or withhold information, but I also don't want anyone to make a big fuss about this and kinda just want to keep it between our parents and close friends (essentially our bridal party). I'm not trying to upset anyone or ruffle any feathers, please be kind. Thank you!

68 Comments

  • Kirsten
    Devoted October 2020
    Kirsten ·
    • Flag
    I have a close acquaintance who did that and I think it turned out fine. I think people would understand.
    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Super May 2020
    Andrea ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    That is so unbelievably judgmental. She’s not deserving of a bridal shower if she doesn’t have it before she signs a court document? Pretty sure it’s up to her family and friends if they’re going to throw her a bridal shower or not. She’s not asking for 2 showers and 2 sets of wedding gifts. 🙄 why does it matter when she has it? It is not uncommon at all for people to be legally married before a reception with family and friends. Why should a bridal shower be the exception?
    • Reply
  • K
    Savvy August 2022
    Katy ·
    • Flag
    We did almost the exact same thing, except for visa reasons not healthcare. We’ve been transparent with everyone that we’re already legally married but having the wedding later, and no one (not even my most prim and proper of relatives) has said a thing! People want a chance to come together and celebrate you as a couple, so I think if you frame it as “the legal ceremony is in March/ April, however the big wedding is in 2021 and we want you all to come!” I think you’re fine Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • Shariyahmom
    Dedicated May 2020
    Shariyahmom ·
    • Flag
    I agree with you. I'm currently without insurance but we are getting married in May 2020. Of thata what you want to do by all means do it bae!!! Both of them are your days anyway. But your getting married for love not just insurance proposes.😍
    • Reply
  • Monica
    Dedicated October 2020
    Monica ·
    • Flag
    I am dealing with a similar situation. My workplace doesn’t offer insurance and his does and it’s really good insurance but I can’t join his policy until we’re married. Unfortunately I have to just wait it out and I can’t push up the ceremony. So I understand the need for insurance. Nobody else needs to know. A lot of people do AGP wedding and do a ceremony later. It’s your preference it’s your life and it’s your decision. If your friends and family are OK with it and are supportive and that’s all that should matter no one else’s opinion should matter. At the end of the day it’s about you and your fiancé and nobody else so as long as you and him are OK with what you were doing that’s all that matters. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Expert July 2020
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    Is there a reason for waiting over a year for a full wedding ceremony and reception? Why not do it a little sooner? I'd suggest doing that or just being honest with people and calling it a vow renewal.
    • Reply
  • Adrianna
    Just Said Yes October 2021
    Adrianna ·
    • Flag
    My husband and I got married through the courthouse since he is in the military. We plan to have a wedding ceremony next October! We mostly told our close relatives and close friends that we are married by law! However, we decided to wait until we could finically provide for our “DREAM” wedding. We basically told everyone that our day/wedding is a day to celebrate our marriage (that we already had) with our family and friends. It’s not a bad idea. If I were you, I’d do it! There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be married, but waiting to celebrate. Think of it as a celebrate for your marriage later! Also, who cares if anyone is upset or angry. It is YOUR marriage and YOUR lives. Don’t let someone else opinion stop you from doing what you feel is right. Good luck! ❤️
    • Reply
  • Amy
    Savvy January 2021
    Amy ·
    • Flag
    I don't see why anyone would have an issue if they are your friends. Just tell them you're getting married, but that you still want to celebrate with them. Be upfront about it, your real friends should understand. Life can be a struggle these days, same with money. People are stepping far away from traditions. Just a thought...you could also get eloped somewhere pretty. I did ththe courthouse thing my first time around, and it wasnt the greatest experience. All you have to do is hire someone to marry you (usually around $150) unless you get a boat captain or a friend or family member to do it...and you can get eloped anywhere you want! Of course you'd still have to take care of legal documents..but it's a thought, and then you could still have the party whenever. But why if I may ask, are you waiting till next May? Just because of money or?
    • Reply
  • Amy
    Savvy January 2021
    Amy ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Absolutely agree with this! Nothing wrong with it AT ALL! It's actually the responsible thing to do...you're thinking of your futures.
    • Reply
  • Amy
    Savvy January 2021
    Amy ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Agree with this too! Real friends will understand but you might losethem if you are dishonest about it. No reason to lie or worry at all. This is YOUR lives and your marriage! You can do it any which way you'd like!
    • Reply
  • Amy
    Savvy January 2021
    Amy ·
    • Flag
    You could also just have a small dinner with close fam and friends after the ceremony and then do your wedding party at a later date.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Dedicated July 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Whatever you decide, just don’t lie. If you get married now for insurance reasons, own it. Tell people. If I knew the truth, it would be fine but I’d be hurt and disappointed if I found out later it was a lie.
    • Reply
  • Megan
    Super October 2020
    Megan ·
    • Flag
    I really don’t understand why some people on here have to be so judgmental. If you don’t understand the situation, maybe don’t pass judgement and just give supportive advice instead of making mean comments. Isn’t that what this community is for anyway?


    Rachel- something similar to this happened to one of our close friends. They ended up getting legally married for insurance purposes about 6 months before their set wedding date. They kept calling each other “fiancé” because it was just a piece of paper to them. (They understood the weight of the decision so don’t start @@ing me.) The ceremony is what made it a “marriage” in their eyes. And guess what, I didn’t bat an eye at the bachelorette (which we had a blast at), the bridal shower, OR the ceremony/ reception.
    In fact, I’m really glad that my friend was able to get the insurance she really needed through her husband. It all worked out well and we didn’t get our panties in a bunch like some people on here.
    I think it’s fair to acknowledge that it’s a “know your crowd” type of deal. For instance, are they more understanding than random people on the internet? Probably.
    • Reply
  • Ally
    Dedicated June 2021
    Ally ·
    • Flag
    My SIL and her husband did a courthouse wedding before their original planned wedding for the same reasons, but it was only about three months in advance. They kept their wedding date and still did the ceremony and reception as originally planned. They told all the family and friends, posted it on Facebook. No one made a big deal about it, and they’re a super traditional family. Honestly, you have to do what you have to do. He needs insurance and that can get so expensive if you don’t have it through an employer. I would go ahead and do a courthouse wedding but keep your plan for your ceremony next year. I wouldn’t worry about what other people say or think, you have to do what’s right for you and your spouse. You definitely don’t have to tell everyone if you don’t want to, but I wouldn’t “hide” it from anyone because that can just make things worse. If they ask, be honest and don’t be too concerned about what they think. Best of luck to you!
    • Reply
  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag
    Before you do this, have you checked to see if your employer offers insurance to Domestic Partners? My company offered this and really all we had to do was prove we have a joint banking account, live together, etc.


    Otherwise, I would still go your route just don’t tell anyone so that you can still do everything the traditional way. I had a friend that had to marry her husband prior to her scheduled wedding date so that she could go / live with her FH in military base. They were married in front of family and friends months later and that’s the date they use (ps no one really knew about the secret date)
    • Reply
  • E
    Dedicated October 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag
    We're doing the exact same thing. I graduate in May and am on student health insurance, so we're doing our civil ceremony at the courthouse then and the church wedding and reception next January. It's not any kind of secret, and we're doing what works for our situation. Anyone who has a problem with it, oh well 🤷‍♀️
    • Reply
  • G
    February 2020
    Gordana147 ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I have to agree with Caytlyn... People will, unfortunately, look down regardless of what you do, this case isn't an exception.

    Some people are just not open to new experiences... or anything lol.

    I am cheering for you!

    You might as well get a bidermajer for yourself, haha Smiley smile

    King regards and good luck!

    - Gordana


    • Reply
  • plangalCG
    VIP May 2018
    plangalCG ·
    • Flag
    I have known people who have done this, and who had multiple weddings (like for example those whose relatives live in various countries), and it’s never been like “oh this isn’t important because it’s not the legal one.” As others have said, just be honest and phrase your invitation so it’s clear. Something like join us as we confirm and celebrate our love and commitment to each other” or similar. Personally, I liked that my big day was the same day it became official, but if you are happy with it this way, why not. I for one would be just as happy to celebrate my friends’ love and have a party a year after they officially got legally married as I would witnessing the event the same day.
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Savvy September 2021
    Courtney ·
    • Flag

    Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with that. You both get what you like and still be able to do the traditional method. Stay with that if that makes you both happy. Friends/family should try to at least respect whichever route you both choose.

    • Reply
  • Emily
    Super August 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    I totally understand the reasoning behind this, it’s not like you are just getting married solely bc the insurance thing. I would just tell people but still have the wedding. You could call the wedding your vow renewal?
    • Reply

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