Rachel
Beginner May 2021

Getting Married for Insurance

Rachel, on February 28, 2020 at 3:36 PM Posted in Community Conversations 1 68
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Hello!

Please, no judgement or harshness.

My fiance and I are contemplating getting married at the courthouse for insurance in March or April but have our wedding date already set for May of 2021. He turns 26 in April and his current employer does not offer health insurance but mine does. We aren't planning on exchanging rings or vows until our May 2021 date. I do understand that if we get married in March or April that we will be legally married but I still want to have the ceremony and reception next May. I've read a good amount on this and people seem to be very mixed from the viewpoint of "do whatever you want" to "that's dishonest and rude". I am more on the fence about this as I want the traditional wedding experience (bachelorette party, bridal shower, etc.) and I believe he wants the same for himself. On the other hand, I don't think he's thought about this as thoroughly as I have (hello anxiety/overthinking). It is not my intention to lie to anyone or withhold information, but I also don't want anyone to make a big fuss about this and kinda just want to keep it between our parents and close friends (essentially our bridal party). I'm not trying to upset anyone or ruffle any feathers, please be kind. Thank you!

68 Comments

Latest activity by Katie, on May 15, 2020 at 2:06 PM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    Do you live together? If you do, the first thing I’d do is see if your employer offers benefits for a domestic partner and see if he qualifies. If not, I think my biggest piece of advice would be to be honest. Especially since it’s over a year away, I wouldn’t pretend like next spring is when you’re getting married. You’ll have been married a long time by then, and if by chance someone spills the beans before or after the May 2021 ceremony/reception, you’ll likely hurt a lot of people’s feelings.
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    I had a friend elope because she was military and they had the big ceremony and reception a couple years later. No one thought anything off it but they didn’t go out of their way to keep it hidden. They didn’t make a big announcement that they got married legally but gradually told friends and family as it came up and as they saw them. They made a joke in their vows at their ceremony about how they should be pretty good at this marriage thing by now since it’s been a couple years.
    • Reply
  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
    • Flag

    Has he tried to apply for insurance through the marketplace?

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  • Rachel
    Beginner May 2021
    Rachel ·
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    We do, they don't recognize that in VA unfortunately, I already looked into it. I understand, like I said, I don't want to lie or anything, but I also don't want anyone to look down upon us for having the traditional experiences even though we're already legally married.

    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Beginner May 2021
    Rachel ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    My manager actually mentioned that to me today, I'm going to speak with him about it tonight. I know what rate it would be through my employer so we'll see if we could find something comparable through an outside provider.

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  • Rachel
    Beginner May 2021
    Rachel ·
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    That's good to hear! Everyone in our lives are generally kind & understanding people so I feel we would receive the same reaction. I just tend to over think & worry about things.

    • Reply
  • V
    Devoted August 2020
    Valerie ·
    • Flag
    Can I file as domestic partners if you live together and get insurance that way?
    • Reply
  • V
    Devoted August 2020
    Valerie ·
    • Flag
    You*** not I lol
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I don’t think there’s any way to keep people from looking down on you when you’re expecting a bridal shower as a married woman.
    • Reply
  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
    • Flag

    Why not just have a small private ceremony, at the courthouse with your parents, grandparents, close friends etc now so that you can be official and legal then just plan a vow renewal in like 5 years. You will get your married status for insurance, not have to keep a secret or worry about anyone spilling the beans and you'll also have more time to save up for a big celebration later.

    • Reply
  • Tiffany
    Savvy May 2021
    Tiffany ·
    • Flag
    Do you girl! In my opinion people online can be very judgmental. I’ve known multiple people to elope and then a year later go and have all the traditional things, bachelorette and bridal shower included. No one celebrated them any less just because they eloped prior. It’s all about your people. And honestly, those things are in celebration of your wedding and marriage, so why should it matter in which order they occur? It’s ultimately up to you and what you feel good about. If y’all are okay with and feel good about eloping and then doing the works later, that’s all that matters.
    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    There is nothing wrong with getting legally married now but still having your big ceremony, as a vow renewal, next year. But you just need to let everyone know that is what it is... a vow renewal. I think that your friends would probably understand the reason behind the small, rushed wedding now and still being willing to participate in wedding related things, like a “bachelorette” party, and being a part of your vow renewal ceremony as bridesmaids as long as you are honest with them about it.

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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    Yeah I think it just becomes a problem when you go out of your way to hide it from people. And cousin sally knows but uncle bob doesn’t and word starts getting around etc. Some people don’t like feeling deceived and lied to. My friend still had someone host a shower for her and still had a “bachelorette weekend” with her friends.
    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Beginner May 2021
    Rachel ·
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    Lol not in VA unfortunately

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  • Rachel
    Beginner May 2021
    Rachel ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Thank you! I definitely agree, people can tend to be very judgemental online. All of the people in our bridal party and lives in general are all good & kind (for the most part) so I feel it wouldn't be a huge issue but there's still a part of me that feels anxious.

    • Reply
  • Melissa
    Savvy October 2020
    Melissa ·
    • Flag
    Check with the employer and insurance provider as some allow a significant other to be insured as a spouse.
    • Reply
  • Lucky1403
    Beginner April 2217
    Lucky1403 ·
    • Flag
    In my opinion, once you get married, you are married. The ship has sailed on having the wedding and reception.
    I would move up the wedding or just have him get private insurance until the wedding. Honestly I paid less for private than going on an employers insurance for years
    • Reply
  • Sharon
    Super September 2021
    Sharon ·
    • Flag
    Everyone's situation is different and people have to do what's right for them. The people in your live will understand and want to celebrate with you next year. Only people online that don't know you will judge you and who cares about them? My only advice would be to tell people that you had a small legal ceremony. I've been in your shoes. Due to unforeseen circumstances we had a small ceremony in June and will be doing the whole bridal shower, wedding dress, ceremony, reception thing. And all of our friends and family can't wait to celebrate with us.
    • Reply
  • A
    Dedicated September 2020
    Alys ·
    • Flag
    Are your friends the judgemental type? Is getting legally married prior to your wedding a normal or accepted thing in your circle?


    I see nothing wrong with it, but I’ve learned that it is a cultural thing. In my culture, everyone legally registers their marriage and is therefore legally married before their wedding day/wedding celebration. I also know lots of people who throw multiple weddings in consecutive weeks, and nobody at wedding weekend #2 or 3 cares, they just want to party/eat/celebrate. FWIW, my fiance will be scheduling a ceremony at our local courthouse in the next month or so and we’re having our wedding weekend with friends and family in the fall. I will still have a bachelorette, walk down the aisle, exchange vows, etc. All of of it. The purpose of all those things is to spend time with your friends and family who want to share in your joy. And to all those who say you’re not a bachelorette, ignore them. I’m having a fun weekend get away with my girlfriends. If I want to call it a bachelorette, I will. Not having a bridal shower because I never understood the purpose of those and every bridal shower I’ve ever been to has bored me. If I’m going to be bored, why would I invite other people to one? Bachelorette achieves similar purpose, except you can’t invite moms and aunts but my mom and aunts won’t find a bridal shower very interesting either. And we told both our parents they could come to the courthouse if they wanted but neither pair will. They don’t really care about random legal crap. If they were in town, maybe, but they’re not flying in for some random courthouse. They’re super excited for our fall wedding and have already booked houses for the week since they want to arrive early and relax. I honestly can’t understand why this (getting legally married before wedding) is an issue for some people. But as I said, it’s probably a cultural expectations thing that very specific to each person.
    • Reply
  • Maddie
    Beginner November 2020
    Maddie ·
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    Are you sure? I’m in VA and I know my boss claims his girlfriend under his insurance as a domestic partner.
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