Rachel
Beginner May 2021

Getting Married for Insurance

Rachel, on February 28, 2020 at 3:36 PM

Posted in Community Conversations 68

Hello! Please, no judgement or harshness. My fiance and I are contemplating getting married at the courthouse for insurance in March or April but have our wedding date already set for May of 2021. He turns 26 in April and his current employer does not offer health insurance but mine does. We aren't...

Hello!

Please, no judgement or harshness.

My fiance and I are contemplating getting married at the courthouse for insurance in March or April but have our wedding date already set for May of 2021. He turns 26 in April and his current employer does not offer health insurance but mine does. We aren't planning on exchanging rings or vows until our May 2021 date. I do understand that if we get married in March or April that we will be legally married but I still want to have the ceremony and reception next May. I've read a good amount on this and people seem to be very mixed from the viewpoint of "do whatever you want" to "that's dishonest and rude". I am more on the fence about this as I want the traditional wedding experience (bachelorette party, bridal shower, etc.) and I believe he wants the same for himself. On the other hand, I don't think he's thought about this as thoroughly as I have (hello anxiety/overthinking). It is not my intention to lie to anyone or withhold information, but I also don't want anyone to make a big fuss about this and kinda just want to keep it between our parents and close friends (essentially our bridal party). I'm not trying to upset anyone or ruffle any feathers, please be kind. Thank you!

68 Comments

  • C
    Savvy September 2020
    Carolyn ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    It’s actually a matter of whether your employer allows it, not the state. I live in VA and I have my fiancé on my insurance as a domestic partner because my employer allows it.
    • Reply
  • Aaleena
    Savvy July 2020
    Aaleena ·
    • Flag
    Honestly I just posted a very similar question and I am so undecided on what to do.I got married for legal reasons on December last year but then half my family is asking me when I will have a “wedding” because as the other person said it is a cultural thing that they are seperate. The thing is I don’t feel spiritually united to my husband and call him boyfriend simply because I’m not ready and we had a very short engagement. The other part of my family follows more American values and would probably be confused on us having a ceremony and reception a year later. A lot of people have advised to wait until milestone years.
    • Reply
  • Aaleena
    Savvy July 2020
    Aaleena ·
    • Flag
    Please let me know what you decide and how you deal with the situation! It’s nice to see someone else is going through the same thing.
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Hola,
    I just want to put clarification out there - your company just has to cover domestic partners in their plan. I live in Virginia and my partner and I are both on my insurance this year by putting him as a domestic partner. The only extra paperwork I had to do was an attestation, we live together and share expenses monogamously so we qualify.

    I have him those on my medical insurance and my life insurance premiums, the only area they would not let me add him to was my HCSA. Not sure why, but it seemed like it was still super worth it.
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I beg to differ. Maybe she will just did not invite the type of people that look down on her.
    • Reply
  • Elizabeth
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Elizabeth ·
    • Flag
    You may be able to get insurance as a domestic partner as long you have a Shared savings account and have shared address.
    • Reply
  • Kaiti
    Just Said Yes July 2020
    Kaiti ·
    • Flag

    My SO and I got legally married on 12/31/18 and our wedding will be 3/29/20. We will count our March wedding as our anniversary as we have not told anyone but immediate family about us eloping. We did it for insurance purposes and also the fact that my SO is military.

    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Beginner May 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Hello, I think I’m going to go with the civil ceremony for insurance reasons. While we'll be legally married that won’t be our anniversary. I still am going to have the May 2021 wedding, we’ve been together for a long time and deserve to celebrate with our families and friends. We will hope everyone will understand and still want to come celebrate with us next year, if not then that’s their loss. The people who care the most about us will want to celebrate with us! And I’m still going to have all the traditional pre wedding celebrations because I know the people in my life will be happy to have them with me.
    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Beginner May 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    That’s good to know, thanks for sharing! Good luck to you both. I think we’re going to elope but still have our wedding as we were planning.
    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Beginner May 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    My thoughts exactly, if they’re going to be judge mental and look down on us, they don’t need to be invited.
    • Reply
  • Rachel
    Beginner May 2021
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I spoke with my benefits analyst today and she said the only way he could be added is if we were married. I’m not sure why, I’ll have to try and discuss with her more on Monday.
    • Reply
  • Aaleena
    Savvy July 2020
    Aaleena ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Awesome. I actually agree but then there are so many mixed feelings and negative feelings toward doing this on wedding wire. Not sure why...How do you think you will you word your invitations? Will you call it your wedding or vow renewal
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Expert October 2021
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    I personally see nothing wrong with getting married now and then doing a vow renewal in a year. As others have said, you should be open and honest with your potential guests. It’s not a secret. As far as the parties go, it just depends if someone offers to host on your behalf. You could still invite your girlfriends out for a night of excitement though 🤷🏽‍♀️
    • Reply
  • Tiffany
    Expert March 2020
    Tiffany ·
    • Flag
    My fiance just brought this up. We are 43 days out from our wedding. We just got our marriage license today, since we have 60 days to use it. I currently don't have health insurance because I just fell off my military dependency status under my parents last month. He just suggested considering a courthouse ceremony so he can get paper work moving to get me covered faster. I'm really torn on th3 idea. I want our real marriage to be on our wedding in April. I understand his logic and concerns though. Also, my parents would be upset. They don't like it when people get married in a courthouse then still have a wedding, unless it's for military/deployment reasons. So I don't know what we will do. We probably won't do it
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Dedicated October 2020
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    My aunt and her partner married for the insurance too, but didn't tell many people. They had a beautiful wedding ceremony a year later. They were an older couple so none of the bridal shower or bachlerotte parties. If you truly don't feel you can wait for the insurance to kick in and the domestic partnership isn't a thing, do it. Only the two of you can decide what is right. Your family would be there to celebrate you and your husband. Best wishes
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Dedicated July 2021
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    Maybe I’m in the minority but this doesn’t bug me at all. There is “getting married” and “having a wedding”. If you have to get legally married for Some reason that should not make you ineligible to have a wedding later with all the traditional elements that go with it. Showers and bachelorettes and ceremonies and receptions. I would never void someone’s right to have a traditional marriage celebration because they had to get the legal part done in advance.
    • Reply
  • Laura
    Rockstar September 2020
    Laura ·
    • Flag
    Do you. Have fun. Anyone that greets offended doesn't have their heart in the right place. Notdo they understand that you won't feel married until the people you love most can celebrate with you. Go for the elopement - which is nothing more than a legal contract. Then get married with all love and passions your heart holds. Paperwork isn't a wedding. It's a legal contract sanctioned by the state to convey privilege. I hate to see a contract elevated to wedding status and claiming they are equal - they aren't. Do it your way and on your terms.
    • Reply
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
    • Flag
    I don't see any issue with this in this economy. I'm very looking forward to the insurance benefits our marriage will bring.
    If anyone in my life chose to be rude because of doing what was best for us at the time, and then celebrate traditionally, they could see themselves out.
    • Reply
  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I can't imagine a world where people would be that judgemental.
    • Reply
  • Andrea
    Super May 2020
    Andrea ·
    • Flag
    Have you checked into adding him as a partner without being legally married? Quite a number of companies do that.
    If that’s not an option, I see the dilemma you’re in and I think there’s a right way to do it and a wrong way. I have a cousin that got married in secret before their actual wedding and didn’t tell anyone, and that would’ve been fine because it was a secret (from everyone except parents and siblings) but then at the wedding, it was like a joke. They had a friend preform the ceremony and it was all just kinda silly. They weren’t serious about it and it didn’t feel like a wedding. Made more sense to find out after the fact that it wasn’t their real wedding. But it upset my mom, brother and sil who flew in for this wedding not knowing it was kinda just a joke.
    SO if you’re just signing a piece of paper now and not considering it your wedding then I say by all means keep it a secret and have your real wedding next year. But if you’re going to not take the vows seriously on your wedding day than I think you need to tell people in advance that it’s a party and you’re already married. My marriage will start the moment we give our vows and our pastor pronounces is husband and wife. Not when i sign a court document. So think about the difference and what each would mean to you and then you’ll know what to do and if you need to tell people or not. Good luck!
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