Future Husband is being negative about everything wedding related

Your truth isn't universal, @Tracey. You said it your self, "your truth". Your experiences with the men you know personally and their personalities does not equate to "most men" in general. That's where the generalization comes from.

Anywho, @OP, I agree with PPs that you should seek couples counseling. I think is so much deeper than him not being interested in details. There may be underlying issues here, and perhaps your FH is insecure and maybe not ready for marriage. My FH barely gives a shit about things like our color scheme, and flowers, but he's into other wedding stuff and is never dismissive. You see, a healthy relationship is about being there for the other and working as a team. While my FH doesn't really care about the bridesmaids dresses, he'll ask how my search is going, because he knows it excites me and he enjoys seeing me happy and busy with the things I like to do. Your FH being rude to those congratulating him is a huge red flag. If he wants this, he would probably show excitement and would be happy and gracious to others. I would express that your FH's behavior is hurtful to you. Get to the core of the problem and work on communication and finding happy mediums for you both. And if he's not ready for a marriage or wedding, figure out what path is best for you as a couple and as individuals.

ETA: made language less definitive.

Nobody's truth is universal. It's not even universal, I think, that you need to make your partner happy 100% of the time. My husband sometimes has to put his career first. I sometimes have to put my marathon training first. Is it annoying to the other person? Yes. Does it make us happy? No. But we made a promise to each other by vowing to be married, and that entails getting over disappointments.

What's not okay is to completely disregard your partner's feelings, which I think might be what's going on here.

Perhaps Catti Labelle...I am just here to wish the OP the best and would like her to at least have a serious discussion with her FH and assess the situation and determine whether this is a good idea for their future. That's the bottom line.

What about the marriage does he want to talk about? Like plans for where you two will live (sounds like you already have a recently purchased home though)? Prenup? Future children? Are you on the same page with all that?

Ok @Tracey. That's nice.

My FH is kind of the same way. He keeps thinking that everything leads to divorce. So annoying. We've been together for almost 8 years and engaged for a few months (I'm 24 and he's 25, so we're not children anymore). I'm chalking it up to his moms sudden death. Every so often he pops up and says he can't wait for it and keeps the count down with me.

Men are so silly sometimes. They don't understand!!

I literally have not met a single friend or family member who has not been involved in their own wedding. All of the groom's in our friend group have been equally involved in the wedding planning.

I consider it a bit concerning if the groom has no involvement in their wedding.

I would recommend premarital Counseling.

I can only hope that you are planning a smaller more affordable wedding because spending all your savings on a wedding is never a good idea. Even if you are not going into debt you need savings, especially when it sounds like it is HIS house. Idk what to tell you about his excitement and comments because I don't know your dynamic, but please listen to my financial advice and make sure your savings (at least 3 months of living expenses) are available in your savings.

Christina, because sure violence will solve their relationship issues... smh...

OP definitely don't punch him, that's not a solution to anything.

He just sounds a little annoyed of the whole wedding planning process. Maybe talk to him about what he would like to do as part of the wedding celebration. Maybe he wants something small and more intimate. Try to understand where he is coming from while also letting him know how his reactions are making you feel. Good communication is essential for a happy and long marriage so if he wants to talk about the marriage maybe bring that up. I also think premarital counseling is a good idea. Those people that say you should just not get married are ridiculous. Talk it through and try to find a solution you two are happy with.

@Jasmine. This should be a very exciting time for you and FH. It shouldn't be stressful or overwhelming for either of you. My FH and I are currently getting counseling, and it is definitely helping us understand each other and helps us on how we can communicate effectively and support each other effectively. We've been together for 5 years and engaged 6 months.

I do want to say this. In no way shape or form should you EVER have to do ANYTHING alone. Even though this is just a wedding, this is your wedding just as well as FH's wedding. You both should be equally contributing financially. Also, you may have to cut back on a few things so that the spending isn't so extreme that you two become in debt after the wedding and aren't able to go through the "honeymoon phase" because you two are pissed that you went completely broke after the wedding. You and FH need to come to a mutual agreement and understanding that neither one of you are in this alone and that this wedding is just another example as a decision being made by a partnership and not just one person (hint: you, Jasmine) running the show. Have you asked him if he wants a wedding? He may be more willing to go to the courthouse (even though personally, I am VERY opposed to going to the courthouse). Do you know if he's currently in debt now, and doesn't want all this money on a wedding being spent because he believes you all are going to be in even more debt? Someone that loves you is not going to be a Debbie Downer anytime you bring up the discussion of the wedding. That person is going to support you, even if he says, "Babe, it's whatever you want. I'll just show up." Then I would take that over the negative and nonchalant comments. Ask him of he wants to go to counseling. If he's unwilling to go, and the counseling be a commitment? Then he really may not be ready. Also, just a word of advice: a man is going to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it. Pressuring him into doing anything is NEVER the route to take. But making suggestions, and encouraging him to in a way where he still feels like a man, and you still being a woman, is key! Because at the end of the day, a man still wants to feel like he's a man, even if his actions don't show it... I hope this helped...

Who paid for the engagement ring?

Lisa, none of are saying don't get married. We're saying to seek counseling and work through these issues. However if they can't be worked through, don't marry.

Whether he wants small or not, the belittling comments and dismissive behavior is NOT acceptable. It's very concerning. My ex behaved that way towards me, through counseling I learned what is and isn't acceptable and decided to leave the relationship instead of staying and marrying. I'm worth more than being belittled, as is OP. Her FH is someone she should be able to discuss the wedding with, if he puts her down or her ideas down, then why allow it?

Our officiant gave us a list of questions to discuss as a couple, as part of the process, and offered to facilitate if we felt necessary. Many officiants require counseling before they will even marry you. Start looking into it, and they will guide the process.

I love all the sweeping generalizations about how men act.......and how we can behave 'so he can feel like a man and you can still be a woman!!!!" Don't forget to have makeup on and dinner on the table when he comes home.

Did I fall asleep and wake up in 1950?

Kinda feels that way Celia..

FH and I are a team. We work together to make this relationship successful. What he lacks, I have, what I lack, he has. We balance each other out. I don't "behave so he can act like a man". I act like who I am, and he loves me for who I am. Not because I stroke an ego.

FH doesn't care about the little details of the wedding, but he absolutely loves how excited I get when I put a deposit down or find a vendor. He just smiles at me and tells me he loves me. While he may not care about the little details, he cares about me, he cares about our wedding. He cares about seeing me happy and so excited about something as simple as flowers or cake! He cares because he loves me. It's literally so simple.

My H had zero interest in planning a wedding, but was excited enough about getting married that he would have been cool with going to the court house the weekend after he proposed. I wanted a wedding, so I planned a wedding. I did over 95% of the planning, and H still doesn't know most of what went into it. And that's okay!

Also I "paid" for everything, because I planned the whole thing and it was easier for me to just pay as I went. But we live together and have known for some time that we would be merging finances after out wedding, so there would be no "my" money after the wedding. Every expense came from "our" money, even if it was from "my" bank account. Have you and your FH discussed your financial plans long term? It sounds like he's stressed about the mortgage and other expenses, maybe that's why he is worried about how much you are spending on the wedding? Maybe this ties into his concern that you're too focused on the wedding and not enough on the marriage, aka the whole life that you'll live together afterward.

If I were in your shoes, if I was 100% confident that he wanted to marry me and I wanted to marry him, I would agree on some basics (budget, guest count, whether the wedding would be more formal or more casual, etc.) then offer to plan whatever parts he's not into and stay within the budget you agreed on. I think that would remove a ton of stress for both of you.

Hmm. I don't want to make any assumptions here, but it's interesting that he keeps bringing up money as the reason he doesn't want to talk about the wedding, and then says you need to talk about marriage more. Maybe he has some financial stuff that he wants to address with you? I have no idea what that might be, or how much you guys have already talked about finances. Just interesting that he keeps bringing up money as his reason for not wanting to talk about the wedding, so maybe that's what he's referring to when he says he wants to talk about married life?

You said you would "most likely" combine finances, so it sounds like you're not really sure. Maybe he wants to address that but isn't sure how to? Sorry if I'm wrong...just an idea.

View Quoted Comment We’re catholic so we have to go throug about 6 months of marriage prep couseling to get married in the church. We talked about what we wanted our life to be after the wedding bc for the two of us divorce isn’t an option and we wanted to make sure we wanted the same things and had the same expectations. Have you guys talked about finances after your married? Or even how many kids you want or if the other person even wants kids? How about if one of you will stay home with the kids or will you both keep working? What are your expectations? Will you do most of the cooking and cleaning and he’ll keep the yard under control? Expectations change once you are married even if you were already living together. There are going to be things you’ll disagree on even if you come from similar backgrounds just because you were raised by different people. The wedding is one day but marriage is for life. If he’s concerned you should focus more on planning your life together and less on planning the wedding. I know I got caught up in having the most magical wedding of my dreams but the marriage counseling we went through has saved and will save us from a lot of fighting and potential divorce in future. I personally think it should be a requirement for anyone getting married.