Future Husband is being negative about everything wedding related

I would be most concerned that your worried he doesn't want to be married. Counseling is the best suggestion I can make. Sometimes weddings become such a huge ordeal that it's annoying. I'm hoping that's the case for him and not that he doesn't want to marriage.

I'd definitely recommend counseling too, it honestly could be so helpful. I'm reading a book right now called "What's it like to be married to me" and it gives you a good chance to reflect on the type of spouse you will be to your husband. Maybe he can read something similar and it will be good to talk about the kind of husband and wife you will be.

I don't want to be a downer but if he hardly wants to talk about the wedding now how will he act when you're pregnant? "All you talk about is being pregnant"..."All you think about is the baby not the type of mother you will be"... I think this issue is more than just wedding planning. He needs to realize he's being negative and if he wants to talk about your upcoming marriage he can start the conversation to get the ball rolling. My FH and I talk about our wedding pretty often and he always listens when I talk about it No matter if it's something big or small. This is a time to take joy together.

FutureMrsC it's so funny that you said the pregnancy thing because that is the same exact analogy that my mom used and it makes a good point.

I thought this would be the happiest time of our lives but it's been the opposite and it sucks. Even when people have congratulated us, he sarcastically says "aren't we over this already". I'm hoping he is just overwhelmed by all the attention and all the appointments and things we've had to go to.

Looks like counseling it is.

I just wonder...are you listening to him the way you want him to listen to you? He's scared that you're too excited about the wedding and will have a letdown once it's over. That's a legitimate concern, and I hope you've managed to reassure him. And how much are you talking about the wedding? It's still 10 months away so maybe if you spread it out more, he'd feel less bombarded by it?

But also, yes, he needs to understand the way the negativity makes you feel.

We have been together for awhile and we do discuss marriage a lot. You do need to find a healthy balance of talking about both the wedding and the marriage! We often talk about having kids (when and how many) decorating the house we're going to be living in, tv, our jobs. I do not see anything wrong with having premarital counseling. We are having it next year! All of the couples I know who are married have had it as well. Also, there is nothing wrong with having hiccups in your relationship. No one on this forum has a perfect relationship. There will always be disagreements and bumpy patches that you have to get through together. You just need to find a way that works for the both of you! The fact that you notice this is an issue and you want to fix it is really great!

First off, totally in agreement with couple's counseling. FH and i did it and it was great for us. But also, is there something related to the wedding that he really likes? Like is he super into music? Is he a foodie? Into mixing weird new drinks? That could be a way of getting him involved in the planning process, merging it with something he already enjoys. After counseling to resolve the communication and figure out if you're on the same page of course.

@fillenouvelle I admit I overdid the talking in the first couple weeks but after I noticed he looked bored I cut it back a lot, but he still would get annoyed anytime I brought it up so now I feel like I can't bring it up at all. I try to listen to him but I feel attacked a lot of the time so it can be difficult.

@OG Alecia, I did tell him I was ready to get married and that I wanted to be engaged within a year and he proposed a little over a year from that point so I guess you could say I did "hint" at it.

@Katie He did recently show some interest in the music aspect of the wedding. I was a little worried because we have opposite music taste. He really wants Banda at the wedding but I really dislike that music so I said I wouldn't mind him picking a couple songs but that I don't want it to be the main type of music. I don't want him to feel like its only my choice but I feel that most guests would like a more mainstream type of music.

@Dana thanks for your positive attitude and it is reassuring to hear that so many other couples go to counseling

I think he is concerned about it finanacially and probably feeling a bit overstepped and insecure about whatever reason hes not contributing to the wedding. I would tackle this head on and have a heart to heart with him. Tell him you sense his negativity about the wedding planning and just ask what its about. Its important not to assume/imply anything when you ask. That will likely make him defensive. Handle this now before it becomes a much bigger problem later.

If you're paying for everything he is likely insecure and doesn't feel right about you spending a lot. Also, I agree with @Keisha that this might not be financially sound if he is struggling with bills and you're putting all your money toward the wedding. You two need to sit down and set a monthly budget together. If you're living with him, you should be contributing to the mortgage, utilities, and tax payments, and since he's marrying you he should be paying toward the wedding.

And yes, you should be talking about your future right now, not just wedding planning. The wedding is a few hours of the rest of your life you're supposed to be committing to one another.

My FH and I have been together over 10 years. We are in the process of buying a home and planning our wedding. We constantly sit and talk about our future plans. Budgeting and figuring out how much to save for our future and incidentals was a priority, we also talked about future holiday plans, when we intend to have children, what our career goals are, etc. Wedding planning is discussed but we are realistic about the importance of spending money on a short event like that. We set a low budget for the wedding and made the priority budgeting for our home. We chose an inclusive venue so that if we literally decided not to do anything besides get the venue, DJ, and photographer we'd be all set anyway. Anything extra we do is just extra so we can manage our stress and our money.

What do the two of you have in common? I think im confused about the relationship altogether. Couples counseling before moving forward. Best of luck

So in a sense you gave an ultimatum or pressured him?

From the sounds of it, it's like OGA says, he's either not interested or ready. His comment, "aren't we over this yet" when congratulated speaks volumes. FH gets so excited when someone congratulated him, or when he just thinks about us marrying.

As a PP said, it's not financially sound to pour all your money into a wedding, if he's overwhelmed with bills, hell its not sound just from the comments he's making.

How old are you?

Oh my. Please please please seek a good licensed family and marriage counselor. The way you explain the way he communicates with you is so dismissive and it seems like he's trying to send you unclear messages through dismissal and humor. Honestly, please just seek a counselor. I would halt all wedding planning until you can find a way to communicate in a healthy and effective way.

What was he expecting when he bought a ring and proposed to you? I get that some FI's are not super into details but to be that negative about it is concerning. You need to have a heart to heart. And , it's BOTH of your weddings - he should help pay for some. My FI is not a huuuuuge romantic, he can be at times, but he is very involved with planning and I make sure to run ideas by him and get his input and he is excited about it. Yes it is costly but it's your wedding, the beginning of your marriage, I would expect more and be very hurt by such negative responses. If my FI was being that way I'd feel like I was marrying myself. I am sorry OP

Because you're excited about your wedding, he's afraid you'll have nothing to say after you're married? WTH? Doesn't he know you better than that? That would be my first question.

So, he bought a house and a ring...two choices he made. Now, you're paying for the wedding...on your own. Sorry, but I think he should be contributing to his own wedding day.

Are you a team? Is this about who spent what or is it about a lifetime commitment? The team should be unified. At least that's what I think.

I don't know...this whole dynamic leaves me feeling a little uncomfortable (as in, unaddressed issues).

Did the two of you ever sit down and discuss what your wedding was going to look like/cost? Did you talk about who you were inviting? Whenever one party changes a major subject -- whatever the subject might be -- I always get the feeling that there's a hell of a lot of dialogue that's been well rehearsed, but has never been shared. I suggest you drag that dialogue out of him ASAP

Counseling is good advice, problems go wayyy deeper than dresses and table settings. I don't feel good about this, on a much deeper level and he'll have to put equal work into this if it's going to work, marriage and wedding aside.

It sounds to me like he's not interested in a big formal wedding. Did you two ever discuss the type of wedding you each want to have and come to an agreement on things like budget, number of guests, etc?

If he wants to elope or just wants something small, more casual, and less expensive and feels like his wants aren't being considered then I can understand why he would be irritated by the wedding talk.

Counseling is a good idea, it sounds like there are communication issues that need to be resolved.

Honestly, it sounds like you are having a wedding yourself. Sounds like he's not a part in it.

I'd take a step back and evaluate. He should be helping to pay and he should be more into it. Otherwise why are you doing it?

Im going through the same thing my fh says all i talk about is the wedding so i cut it down. i must admit that i was laying it on thick and we have 8 months to go . I promised him i would not talk about it as much until it gets a little close so he could b excited as well. men sometimes go through this stage maybe its overwhelming for him.

There is a lot of sound advice given by PP's here. Communication is key, and it sounds like that is something that the two of you need to work on. It also sounds like he may have some fears/insecurities regarding you truly wanting to spend your life with him as his partner as opposed to wanting the wedding. Every time he hears "cake", "wedding", "flowers" it probably hits right on those insecurities. Just an example, my FH had been on deployment with his unit for about 6 months when one day coming back to the base after a raid in Iraq, his buddy was served with divorce papers. Apparently this was not an uncommon occurrence and it scared the shit out of my FH. To be so betrayed like that when all the while the SO of his buddy gave no hint to trouble in paradise. Then his girlfriend at the time dumped him the same day he came home from a different deployment and he found out she was screwing around. It made him insecure and it played a part in his future relationships for many years, always being on guard. So perhaps he has an experience from his past that those insecurities stem from? But you're not them and if it is an insecurity from his past, he needs to realize that. I think counseling is a great idea and it will help you two get on the same page. As for you paying for the entire wedding? That's a bit odd. I understand the financial responsibility of not going into debt for your wedding, but if that's the case, then perhaps cutting back or postponing for another year while you both save up a bit more would be in order? I think that also may be stemming from the communication block and that you both need to find a compromise that works best for your situation. Best of luck to you!