Flower girl dilemma... I need advice!

With her fingers, sticks fingers in any kind of food on the table, such as butter, dressings, etc., yells at people when they talk if she wants quiet)I do love her but I just don't really want to put that on my guests (my mom, even her mom, my step dad, and a few others- they will all be worrying what she is getting into all night instead of enjoying themselves). I am having a kid free wedding (only kids will by FI's 5 year old son and 8 yr old flower girl). I honestly think my step-sister would enjoy herself more if she had a kid free night. But, my mom made me bring it up again and had me order a couple dresses from Target for her to try on. My FI really doesn't want her there because he knows how she behaves. My step sister never really sounds excited about her being a flower girl and she will be in 2 weddings right after mine (my step sisters is one of them) so its not like she would even know that she wasn't in my wedding.

My other flower girl is also upset because

I told her she would be the only flower girl (this is a BIG deal to her). Should I just ask my step sister what she really wants? And how do I even ask that? I don't want to feel guilty after if she isn't there because I do really want her to be there if she could just behave herself I also don't want my family to think I'm being mean by not having her.

I just know the stress it will put on some of the guests and I really don't want to do that to them. What would you do?

Chances are if they know her they are hoping she won't be there either! I know it would be an expense but you could just get her the dress since that seems to be what she is focused on, but not have her come to the wedding/reception.

Another option would be to have her actually be a flower girl under close supervision ( being led down the aisle by someone she knows) and then as soon as she gets to the front have that person whisk her away.

Hang in there!

I've thought about just having her there as a guest but she will still behave like she always does so it really wouldn't make a difference. Thank you for the advice, I didn't even think of just getting her the dress.

Oh dear.... That sounds bad. But it also sounds like you already made your choice. The answer is no and you said it yourself that it was an adult only wedding. Although I seem to have run into the same issue regarding a family member or two... that are adults.

There're 2 problems in this story:

1. Your mom making decisions for you/pushing you to do certain things. That should not be the case. Ultimately your FG is the decision you and your FH need to make. Not your mother. You're against including this child in your wedding. Your FH is against it. It seems the answer is obvious.

2. You may end up having an awfully misbehaved child ruin your ceremony and reception. A child that throws fits in stores, beats up her parents, and yells at adults? No offense, but does she have PARENTS?!? Clearly they cannot control her. So if they bring her to the wedding, brace yourself and be ready for... whatever this child wants to do. Obviously no adults are going to stop her.

Stop allowing your mom to guilt you into what you obviously do not want to do. Also it's not the question for your step sister. It's only the question for you and your FH.

You could have baby sitter come pick her up RIGHT AFTER she walks down lol i think thats the best idea. that child would hate me....lol i'm very big on lil kids behaving.

I agree with the other posts. If you and your FH have already decided you don't want her there, just stick with it. BTW, I think you are making the right decision.

Mrs. S- I know, I listen to my mom way too much! I have to stop doing that. Thanks everyone, I'm glad there are other people seeing that she WOULD be a problem. Well, her parents have finally decided to take her to therapy for her behavior, but my wedding is in 5 months, I don't see any huge changes being made by then.

Don't let her be there. Please, for the sake of your sanity and wedding, tell them no!!

I'm with the others. Don't tell your mom or the girl's mom that its about the little girl misbehaving. Just say you are having an adults only reception. This girl sounds like a brat, and not someone I'd like to have at a reception. Not worth the aggravation if you ask me. Just be firm and say you are having an adults only reception.

You said no it is an adult only reception. I'm glad to see they are taking her for therapy before it's to late. but I would say it's a little to late for her to be in the wedding party. I'm old school and if a child smacks me I smack fingers back. I have 4 kids and I do believe in smacking. Sorry don't want to make anyone mad.

Do not feel obligated to have your niece as a flower girl. I personally think that if a child isn't mature enough to walk the aisle, theres no point in having them do it. My soon to be niece has been in 3 weddings that I have attended and in all 3 weddings she absolutely refused to walk down the aisle.

It is your wedding, and you cannot please everyone, if you have a bad vibe about letting your niece be in the wedding, don't do it!

I agree with everything Mrs S said, she is right on the money. I would not allow that to happen.

Thanks everyone, I don't feel so bad now. They do smack her hand when she tries sticking it in people's food but it doesn't work. I guess that was my issue, I felt very obligated to have her.

*hugs SeptBride* Hope things get much better for you. I'd go absolutely insane if I was near the girl. Then again...I wouldn't tolerate her bratty behavior either.... =x Good luck!

Thanks Ris, I know a lot of my FI's family that don't know her wouldn't tolerate it either and that could cause even more problems. I'm going to take the advice of everyone on here though and just say no. I'll just think of a nice way to do it.