First Rsvp- including kids that weren’t invited :(

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I agree with Bailey. You were well within your rights as hosts to exclude the children. We did the same thing and we knew making that decision would force some to decline our invitation. I feel like you are opening a can of worms if you allow these children to come but that is a decision you and your future spouse need to make together.

If the children you invited were in your wedding party or your own children, totally okay to still not allow guests to bring their children (across the country or not). We are having two kids in our wedding party and those will be the only children there, one being our daughter. I think if you invited select children (outside of wedding party) and not all, I'd be upset.

I never understood why people assume they get a plus one or that their children are invited. I don't plan on inviting any kids except for my niece and nephew who will be in the bridal party. I have plenty of friends coming from out of town and they have already said to me that they already planned out child care for my wedding even though my wedding is next year and I never even had to tell them that their kids will not be invited. A lot of my friends have children and I already have a too large of a guest list, there is no way I'm cutting actual friends and family to have kids who won't even enjoy the wedding. Plus I think leaving the kids behind helps people enjoy themselves more instead of worrying about what is happening with their children. Everyone should be able to invite who they want at the wedding not who they have to have because of obligations.

View Quoted Comment Agreed 100%

Yea we are in the same boat! There are kids in our party and helpers. But we don't want to open it up to others because we have to feed them too. We are already at 200 guests. But it maybe less than that because we decided to go live on YouTube. So those that we couldn't invite or couldn't come can be a part as well. Like my grandmother who is 93 and can't travel much now.

My RSVPs are coming in now and this is exactly what I'm worried about! I specifically have listed the wording "We have reserved X amount of seats in your honor" hoping this deters anyone from assuming they have a plus one or that their children are invited.

Maybe they assumed because they're such old friends and are travelling cross country that the kids were invited. However, they should have asked when they received the Save the Date if they were. Good Luck!

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You are not crazy!! We are having kids at our wedding but that is just our personal preference - it is both of ours second wedding and we have 3 kids between us and just wanted it this way...that being said, I have been invited to weddings both locally and out of town without my children being invited - most recently at my cousin's wedding in PA (about a 9 hour drive from me) and I was not offended nor did I assume my kids were invited. I made arrangements for them to stay with a sitter for the local wedding and their father for the OOT wedding. At another OOT wedding I was invited to without my kids, it was a long weekend and there were a lot of my family I wanted my kids (and me!) to see over the weekend so I drove out the day after the wedding (it was a Friday wedding and a 3 hour drive) and hung out with the family the rest of the weekend. Sorry for the long rant but I guess what I am saying is that as a bride I say YOU and your FH get to decide what you want to do and as a mother who has been to A LOT of weddings I would not be offended if you did not invite my children nor would I RSVP and say I was bringing them. I think if you let this family bring their kids you are opening a whole can of worms and it would be tough to say no to others. Good luck!!!

I'm not inviting any kids to my wedding - the only ones that are coming are my 2 ten year old cousins, ring bearer, and flower girl. I'm surprised they added their kids names instead of reaching out and confirming.

My whole thing is, parents need a break too - why not give them the opportunity of going somewhere without their kids?

You are not crazy, you do not have to invite everyone's children. The proper thing for them to do would have been to reach out to you, explain the situation, and let you decide if you were ok with allowing their children to be there. To just assume it was fine and include them was rude.

We are not inviting guests children to our wedding. Of course, our children will be there. And so will my MOH's kids (she owns the home we are hosting the reception at). My nephews, who are around the same age as all of these kids, are not invited. I know, I'm terrible. Fact of the matter is, my brother and SIL have never really allowed us to forge a relationship with the boys. We are not close. In fact, they don't even have the boys call me "Aunt"...just by my first name which I think is rude, but I digress. They also have severe food allergies, so special meals, etc. With how small our wedding is, it would be a huge deal. So we decided it was a no.

I am sure that they will have something snarky to say about it, but I will deal with it at that time.

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Yes! Exactly this! It's really not that difficult to find a sitter these days. And if someone can't find a sitter, well, they stay home and don't go to the wedding. Or the bride and groom find a local sitting service for out of town guests who can't seem to find sitters in their home towns. If we invited kids, we would have close to 30 more people! We just didn't have to room or the money. And no one minds it, at all. Most of our guests are actually excited about having a date night without kids. (and surprisingly, we didn't have anyone invite their kids without asking. After reading posts like this on here, I thought for sure we would have uninvited guests to deal with!)

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This is just me...but you don't HAVE to accept this.

You can politely call them and tell them no. It isn't rude for you to do so, it is rude for them to tell you that they're coming to dinner. This would be completely unacceptable if you were having a dinner at your house, why is it OK since it's somewhere else?

It could be painless and go like this:

"Hello Mr. /Mrs. Reid X, we received your RSVP today, and it seems there was a misunderstanding or the invitation wasn't clear. This is so embarrassing! Unfortunately due to seating constraints at the venue we're only allowed to invite a certain number of guests. We would love it if you and Mr. / Mrs. Reid X could attend, but we're sad to say that there won't be space for Reid Jr., Sally and Samantha. Please confer with your husband/wife and let us know by...hmmm... Friday(?) if you and your wife/husband plan on attending! Thank you so much and again so sorry for the confusion!"

I'm having an Adults Only wedding. I've made it perfectly clear on my wedding website and in the invitation enclosures. My FH and I dont have any children and with 38 days left, I'm not even sure I want flower girls anymore. Lol. Truth is, I just really dont care for children. Period. I know that's sounds terrible, but.... it's my truth.

For anyone from out of town I assumed kids, even though it inflated the guest list. I'm assuming most of them will not come. For locals if the kids are young I included them, otherwise no, but I have some wiggle room from the out of town ones that if they do I'm ok.

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Completely agree. If the wedding was 100% no kids that's one thing but I find it to be a bit in poor taste if you're allowing some kids and not others. Especially if you don't allow the kids of someone who is traveling across the country to be at your wedding. Childcare is costly and not always readily available for people.

You invited other kids so you're stuck - if you told them no and they came and saw other kids I could imagine they'd be pretty hurt if not angry.

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Not crazy at all, I was reading those and thinking those people were crazy. I just invited my nieces and nephews and no other kids (they weren't in the wedding party, I didn't have kids in my wedding party). I mean one of my cousins has a daughter who is 30 and is married with 2 kids of her own. I've only been to one wedding where all kids were invited and that was a wedding at a girl scout camp, so there was plenty of room for them to run around and the food was a giant pig roast). Not all wedding venues are set up to have kids run around unattended. For the person who said just leave them in the lounge with games, I can't imagine a venue being cool with that. I had one cousin travel from out of state and I helped her find a babysitter to come to the hotel. If I were you I would offer to help them find a babysitter as opposed to saying it's okay for them to come to the wedding, unless you can afford to add all those kids. You may have people upset if they see this one family of kids when they made accommodations for a sitter. You did nothing wrong by not inviting kids, the only thing with that is understanding that some people with kids may not be able to come to your wedding because they can't find a sitter. As long as you don't let your feelings get hurt by people who don't come because they can't get a sitter, then you are fine. If I had a kid, I would never expect it to be invited to a friend or cousin's wedding, even if I was travelling. Good luck.. Stay strong. You are doing nothing wrong if you tell them the kids can't come. You are doing nothing wrong if you don't invite everyone's kids.

My aunt JUST informed me that my cousin plans to bring his young son along (our wedding is less than 25 days away, so that's not cool)...-we decided to have an adults-only wedding after a long discussion, even though FH and I adore our nieces and nephews. This was clearly stated on our website and our invitations were addressed only to adults- I don't think you should be expected to accommodate kids if you made it clear that the wedding won't include children. If that means that some out of town guests wont be able to make it, then that's the way it goes (as long as you are fine with them declining).

View Quoted Comment Ok but not everyone can afford that.

View Quoted Comment While I agree with no kids weddings. Finding a sitter you can trust with your kid for a few days can be hard. If you don’t have family near by.

We only invited kids in our family and kids of the bridal party. One of my friends invited her kids without asking. I didn't have the guts to tell her not to bring them. Now I regret it. Don't feel bad about only inviting some kids, just have a reason and explain it to them.

Offer childcare... it will probably be cheaper than feeding several little mouths. If other kids are at your wedding and not in the wedding party, then I think you have to let them come. I'd be offended if other people's children were there and mine weren't invited.

Good luck... the guest list is always tricky!