First Rsvp- including kids that weren’t invited :(

I've gotten a few surprise RSVPS where guests felt inclined to give themselves a plus 1 without asking too. It's super annoying... trying to take deep breaths and let it go

I am in shock that in this day and age people would assume.

It doesn't shock me at all. I find that more and more people are less and less familiar with etiquette.

Hello Erica,
Just giving my personal opinion i dont think it's right that you invite people who have kids but not their kids especially if u are allowing other kids to come. Another thing, if they are coming from across the country don't you think it would be hard for them to leave their kids? I mean think about how you would feel leaving your kids behind. I know how a lot of women may feel about the thought of having kids running around or maybe paying for them to eat but it's just one of those things that it's a little difficult to get around considering tons of ppl have kids these days. It's also sort of an inconvience to find babysitters that are willing to watch the kids for that long of a period. I'm not sure how your venue is set up but do you have access to a lounge area? If so, I would put some games and activities in the room for the kids to go and hangout that way they are not bored or running all over the reception area. My venue is 2 floors and they have a lounge area on the 2nd floor with a tv and couches and a table and i plan to have a movie playing and activities and games for the kids so that way they can have a good time of their own and they won't be running and in the middle of everything.

I *kind of* understand your point of view. But it is sooo hard to find someone to watch kids for a wedding, let alone for multiple days if they are traveling. I feel like it should be an all or nothing with children at a wedding. I get it's your special day and you have every right to not have children at your wedding, but it's asking a lot to invite a person/couple and not their kids. Just my opinion.

How did you honestly expect them to come to the wedding and not being their kids if they live across the country? If they were local I understand, but not someone from out of town. And if you are allowing any other children that are not a part of the bridal party its not really right to pick and choose which kids and invited and which arent. Because people will notice. I'm speaking from experience - I was invited to a friends wedding and told no kids. O found a sitter for my 3 kids but when I showed up there were 6 other kids there that weren't part of the wedding. It was just rude.

I’m not opposed to children. I kept it at just my nieces and nephews and they are in my bridal party so I think that’s allowed. I wasn’t picking and choosing which kids to invite and not invite. And I do understand the childcare issue- I have four kids myself.

I chose to not invite other kids because that would add about 30 people to the guest count.

I totally get they are traveling and it’s very hard to leave kids behind which is why I am inclined to let it go.

Not being snarky- but I have never been to a wedding where my kids were invited- even local ones. So you think entire families should be invited?

It is unreal they would assume maybe they thought itvwas implied but are your other kids young? If so and not apart of the wedding FH & you made a decision but cant complain to much just enjoy and breathe. Inform them that immediate family kids were invited so they will have to be on top of it. Unlesd you get a room and a sitter for all

Personally I think if the guest is traveling to be there you should accommodate their children. Unfortunately not everyone has the ability to find a babysitter when they are traveling and I can understand not wanting to leave your kids with someone you are not familiar with that far away from home. I understand the frustration of the assumption on the guests part, but again this is just my opinion. You have to do what's right for you on your day.

We aren’t inviting kids to our wedding and many of my family members are traveling across the country for my wedding as well. Kids would add 20-30 chairs and we just didn’t have the room. Some of our family have said they’re making this a family vacation and are bringing other family members along who aren’t my family (like my cousins husbands dad) to babysit the kids while they’re at our wedding but then they will be on vacation all together while they’re down here in Florida! It worked out great for them and a few other friends are doing this as well if they have to travel. For us, kids were all or nothing so we picked no kids at all, other than ring bearer and flower girl. I don’t regret our decision and if people can’t come because they can’t find a babysitter then they will be missed.

They have family in the area so I had assumed they would be able to find a sitter.

Im letting it go. But do I now contact all of my other guests who have children and give them the option? I don’t want them to see kids there not in bridal party and wonder why theirs weren’t invited?

It's okay to say it's an adult only wedding and to only have the kids that are part of the wedding to be involved . I would look into making arrangements for the kids to be taken cared off for the folks that do not have the resources available to them .

In my opinion this puts YOU in a bit of a pickle.

Some people that read and responded appropriately will either hire sitters or not come. Your FH friend's sense of entitlement will cause a ruckus with guests that saved, planned and booked a sitter.

Now you're put in the position of calling people with kids and adding them?? How many more seats/meals/$$$ is that? That's just plain rude.

We have guests with children coming from across the country and across oceans. They're making plans to either attend the wedding and book a sitter (hello Care.Com) attend with family from the other side to watch the children, send one parent while the other stays home, or both stay home.

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I have never been to a wedding where there weren't children. I come from a really big, Italian family though. It's just a given with us that kids are invited. But all of my friends weddings had kids running around (cousins and children of close friends).

I'd totally get with the guest count and trying to keep within cost and the capacity of your venue. For this one, I would let it go. They're traveling in to share the day with you so as others have said, it would be really difficult for them to come without their kids depending on their childcare situation back home. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment I agree with you 100%.. being across the country or not, if kids aren’t invited they aren’t invited. I’m not inviting kids to our wedding. Our family is large enough without all the kids. I am however hiring a babysitter to watch all kids traveling with parents and getting them a hotel room at the venue to make things a little bit earier for everyone!

I understand your frustrations! We made a wedding website specifically to have a FAQ where we said that we could only have close family member’s children and unfortunately, adding everyone’s kids would be too many people since we come from such big families. We also said that it was the venue restrictions as well to make it sound less like a personal attack on people with kids. In our experience, parents so far have been happy to hire a sitter/let the grandparents take the kids for the night so they can enjoy one single night as a couple with their friends....We did have ONE person RSVP their child and that was a bit frustrating because I’m with you - you should at least ASK if kids are allowed before RSVP-ing them, especially if the invite only has the parents’ names. It’s nothing against kids, but the $85 per plate with food children might not be super into and just general count increase is a bit frustrating.

Best of luck!

I think if you planned a no kids wedding it needed to be said that it was adults only on the invites. I’ve seen some super cute ways that people have put it writing. I’ll be going to my first “adults only wedding” in a week and they decided to do a rehearsal bbq dinner at a park where all the invited guests could bring their kids but made sure to put that it was adults only for the wedding. It’s all what you’re used to, I always thought weddings were family occasions and that means kids. I don’t think it’s wrong to want to do an adults only wedding but it should be clarified on the invite.

It's perfectly fine to not invite the children of guests. Kids don't need to be invited to every event, especially weddings where the per person cost, even the cost for children can be pricey. Would any of the above posters who think it's wrong to not invite kids like to pay several hundred or a thousand dollars for kids meals? I doubt it. Not every wedding does $10 per plate food. Some weddings have children's meals that are $40, $50 or more. The bar cost, even for kids, per hour adds even more. So, if you invite 30 kids at $50 per meal and let's say $10 per hour for drinks, each child could easily cost over a $100 for a total of $3,000 for children. Yeah, not happening at a lot of weddings.

I don't agree with some of the other PP that feel that if you're invited to a wedding, your children are automatically invited. And it's perfectly acceptable to have the children closer to you, you mentioned neices and nephews, while excluding other kids. I understand they are traveling, but that should have been a discussion they had with you - not an assumption. since they're coming from so far I'd think that you all are close - it may be worth reaching out to say that it would be best if they found a sitter (or some local family) as you're only allowing your nieces and nephews to attend due to space constraints. Just my two cents.

I’m glad to see I’m not crazy! The first few responses had me thinking I was crazy for not inviting everyone’s kids.

View Quoted Comment You're right.