First Rsvp- including kids that weren’t invited :(

You’re totally within your rights to not invite kids. Nothing wrong with a kid free wedding, please disregard the posters saying that kids must be invited.

I don’t think that you need to invite other kids just because this couple decided to ignore who was actually invited. Since it sounds like it’s your FH’s friend, he should be the one to talk to him and explain the invitation did not include kids.

Its tough when inviting guests who live far away but have kids; my wedding was kid-free with the exception of my cousin’s kids - because they were coming from IL to PA, and I knew it would be difficult to leave them for too long. So I decided to invite the two kiddos, too, to be nice. It’s certainly not mandatory to include them.

View Quoted Comment No you’re definitely not the crazy one in this situation.

I do not feel that you are in the wrong for doing a no kids wedding people do not understand that you have budget and its costly...you can invite whomever you want if they have kids they will understand. We are having a no kids wedding and the only kids that will be there is our kids...However when I do my invites I do plan to put a little message that's appropriate on the invite so it will not seem like we are coming off rude "how we do love the little ones this is an adult affair" .And we also spread the word through family..But its your day and its whatever you choose to make your day perfect they can either decline or accept.

Oh trust me, don't go changing your entire wedding plans. I am having a kid free wedding except for my own daughters. No one should guilt trip you into inviting their children. If they cannot find anyone to watch their children, then there's nothing they can do, and they can politely decline. You already have enough stress on your hands. You don't need any more. I wish you the best.

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I second that!!!!

My wedding is including kids because I have one. My little cousins are ring bearer and flower girl. My son is a ring bearer and my niece is a flower girl. So I can’t have my niece there and not my 5 other nieces and nephews. Plus any family or friends kids. Before I had a kid I would’ve said no kids but it just doesn’t seem fair to do that with our families being so big. Anyone under 21 at my wedding is considered to be a “kid” so even my will be 20 year old sister(MOH) is discounted lol. Anyone under 21 is discounted at my venue.

My dad’s friend’s invitation said Mr and Mrs. Reid X. I don’t like his children (both are in their 30s). Well they responded for 5. So I guess his grown up children and one’s wife will be attending. So so weird. People should know better!

I'm having a no kid wedding, aside from husband's nieces and nephews and my younger siblings. I will be specifying on my invites that kids are not invited. Our venue is gonna be a museum that can't accommodate for a bunch of children needing to run around. So if anyone has a problem with it their invite will be retracted. If we don't spend time with those kids, if we aren't personally involved with those kids on a regular basis, across state or not I don't need them to be there.
That being said it depends on your venue quite a bit. Especially for travelling guests it can be hard to leave the kids home. If you're able to have a kids area and request that your guest then pay for a babysitter to be there during the wedding, or request they leave them at the hotel with a babysitter.

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THIS. SO MUCH THIS. Our venue is in a historic mansion and they said children 10 and under can attend the ceremony but not the reception. Not to mention, I personally think it's rude to assume someone's children are automatically invited, especially if you don't have a close relationship with them. The least they could've done was asked you first if it was OK and if you said no and they couldn't make other arrangments, they could have declined. But to assume really ticks me off! My aunt and uncle just added my cousin's kid who I've never met so their 2 attending turned into a 3. Since they're family I am not saying anything, but it ticked me off a bit. I added something like "Please leave the littles with a loved one" on our wedding website, and added the URL to our invite but I don't even know if anyone has even looked at it! LOL

It’s your wedding so you can totally invite whoever you want, including inviting kids that are family and excluding kids that are not. Does this couple not have parents (kids’ grandparents) to watch the kids for a few days?

They shouldn't assume but I understand both sides if it's accords the county. I would keep in mind she, their travel plans, and what other kids would attend if it were me

You are allowed to have a child free (or limited child) wedding. You do not have to accommodate everyone's children. It is not your responsibility to find or provide childcare, just as it is not your responsibility to book everyone's travel, and make sure they have the PTO to attend your wedding. If someone can not find childcare, and can not come to your wedding because of it, it is something that you have to be ok with. Same as if you invited a close friend that lived across the country, but could not afford the plane ticket and hotel, they would also not be able to attend.

We are having a child free wedding, we wont even have a flower girl or ring bearer. Our wedding is not going to be child friendly in the least bit, and we also did not want to pay the extra several thousand dollars to accommodate everyone's children. If any of our guests can not come because of this, they will be missed, but we are not budging on this. (and none of our guests will have a newborn or be nursing at the time of our wedding)

I personally think if the kids weren’t invited, then you should stick to it and let them know. “I’m sorry for the miscommunication, but the invite was for you and you, not the kids. If that means you can’t come, I’m sorry and we will miss you.” What happens when their kids are the only ones there (besides your nieces and nephews) and other parents are upset?

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Definitely not crazy. I've been to multiple weddings where it was either no kids or just the kids in the bridal party. It's a pretty common thing. I have invited plenty of people from out of state who have kids and if they decide they won't be able to attend due to no kids, that's sad but it is what it is. If I invited everybody's kids that would literally increase the guest count by about 50 and it would feel more like a daycare and less like a formal wedding. I say talk to the friend, maybe he didn't realize and just made the assumption the kids were invited like PP on this discussion. For our RSVP cards I included the number of seats we reserved for each invitation in hopes that they would not be confused about who is and is not invited.

Last night I found out that FH's bff invited his mom, step dad and brother but leaving his kids at home. I was put off at first but then I realized I'm FB friends with the guy and his brother so I was actually like wait why didn't you invite the brother too? Apparently the mom and step dad have known him since he was very young so he said OK. Oy. Only him and his wife were on the invite. Thankfully I had accounted for 10 people from my family coming knowing maybe 2-4 would come and I was right so we had room for them. We didn't put any kids on any of the invites but his cousin is bringing his kids and his sister is bringing hers. I'm ok with it though because my 9 year old son will be there and will have other kids to play with.

I would have FH reach out and see. If they need to bring their children, and your FH absolutely wants his friend there, you could allow them provided you have space? We invited children (18 and under) for immediate family because they are a big part of our lives, but not for friends. Only one of my friends has a child, but she isn’t bringing her and told me before I had sent out invites. FH doesn’t have a lot of close friends, but he invited a lot of coworkers who have children of varying ages. They would have greatly outnumbered the children we know and love, and would have prevented us from inviting family due to our budget / venue capacity. All his coworkers RSVPed yes, none put their children down. But, we’ve had others add on additional guests and we had to speak to them - we allowed it because we had space in the end, but we first reached out to explain they were given a plus one, not a plus four, lol.

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We're having a destination wedding and the only kids invited are immediate cousins and we don't feel bad about it. If they can't get a sitter, then they don't go. We can't afford to add kids to the guest list, nor do we want kids there at all, but were willing to cave for family. Stick to your guns!

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I agree with this 100%. If your FH cannot imagine getting married without them there, you'll have to deal with their kids and you open yourself up to other people assuming they can bring theirs too.

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Exactly the same here!

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Agreed. Children in or children of the wedding party can be invited without inviting other children. Inviting children, and people generally, in circles follows etiquette completely. People who think they should automatically get to bring their kids because "it's hard to find a sitter" are wrong. We know that by not inviting children (aside from infants and our flower girls), some people will choose not to come. We respect their decision as they should respect ours.