Fiance leaving on Military Training (get married before or after)

1800 is the total BAH

Sheesh.

I meant that we can handle distance. We actually handle the distance well and know that money will not make our relationship better. And those of you who are wondering, we were engaged before he knew he was leaving.

What's the weather like in nOrth pole today? How's santa?

Unpopular opinion here:

Military wives and husbands sacrifice enough already. They shouldn't also have to sacrifice their vision of a wedding. Courthouse weddings are gorgeous, but if that's not YOUR vision, you shouldn't feel like you have to do it. Have your legal marriage, wait until he's back, and then have your religious ceremony/wedding you've always dreamed of. Does it go against usual etiquette? Yes. Will some call it a "pretty princess day"? Yes. But IMO, military families DESERVE a pretty princess day. And anyone who would judge a military family for having their ceremonial wedding after they were legally married isn't someone I'd want in my life at all. These are exigent circumstances and they can't be compared to two accountants getting married at a courthouse and having a vow renewal.

Also, thank your FH for serving.

ETA: updated to say "wives and husbands" as obviously it can go either way

My husband to be is in the Navy so we are going to the court house and then in a year when he comes home we are going to do the big wedding with all are friends and family.

^^^this is what happens when people don't read before they post.

Lyla: I more or less agree with you but for the love of all things holy: it's not just military wives. There are women who serve as well and therefore military husbands too.

Edit: Also gay men who serve who may have a husband.

His response is that we don't have time to plan anything. And we should have a ceremony after and just not count the courthouse as anything but legalizing us

Look, OP, If you want a real wedding, just wait. If you don't want a courthouse wedding, don't do it.

It's that simple. If all you want is the money, go sign papers then have your big party later.

But if you've already gone through 2 deployments and don't want to go to the courthouse don't. I've seen courthouse weddings on here more beautiful than the 200 people weddings I've been too.

Wear a pretty dress and put FH in a button up shirt. Your marriage is what you put into it. If neither one of you take getting legally married (which is what signing the papers is) seriously then I wish you the best of luck in your marriage.

@Anna Of course! I didn't mean it to imply that and was just focusing on the OP, but I went back to fix it to be more inclusive. Thank you for pointing that out and thank YOU for your service!

@Lyla I'm sorry it's such a pet peeve of mine. But totally makes sense in reference to OP because she is a future military wife. Thank you for changing the wording.

Edit: wording!

Even if it 1800 Caitlin (which is believable because that's what mine is) you don't just get handed a check when you get married. They check your proof of residence (which has to be one place) and then you wait until the next pay period and hopefully you'll get it. Again though I was a full time psychology student and didn't feel it necessary to marry DH for the money and benefits right away, personal preference I guess.

Waaaaaait wait wait wait wait

He's national guard? So I'm going to guess he's training for a new MOS or something close to that, right?

So. Since the guard doesn't get BAH unless they serve on active orders for over 30 days I'm also going to assume that this extra money you would only get while he's gone.

But since you guys have been through this before you should know all this

So my question is why the hell now? If you've been separated before then why get married for the BAH now?

I have a guess but I'll keep that to myself.

Sign the papers now and then have the big lavish wedding of your dreams! You only get one chance to do it so don't let people that won't even be there tell you how to live your life

Yeah. And I'm sure you'll use that BAH to pay for that lavish wedding.

@sarah m He does not have a lease because I have a mortgage which he is not on. I know he will only get BAH while he is at training.