Fiance leaving on Military Training (get married before or after)

If he is enlisted and getting married allows him to get BAH vs. being single and required to live in barracks, I can see how the pay increase may be $1800. However, keep in mind that if he was living in barracks, rent would be free. So increase could be $1800 but then you also have to pay for rent to live somewhere. So the increase still wouldn't be $1800.

Edit: I will also add that if he is enlisted, I still doubt it's an $1800 increase. I don't live in a very expensive housing area of the US but as an officer, my married BAH would be just under $1700. (But that's in Jax. I know, for O2 in San Diego, it's definitely over $2000).

My husband and I got married at the courthouse in December. He is in the Navy and was going to deploy--we decided that getting married then was best for us because all the "what ifs" that come with a deployment. We had our closet family and friends with us and went out for lunch after. I don't think my wedding was "crappy". We are having a wedding celebration (call it what you want) this November. Everyone is aware of the fact that we are already married but we wanted to be able to celebrate with all the people we love! I wore my favorite red dress and had a beautiful boutique of flowers! I wouldn't change the way we got married for anything.

Girl, wait!!! I was in the same situation. You will grow SO much during that time and marrying him after will be so much more special. I promise you. I totally understand the difference in pay as well but don't rush if it's not going to make you happy. It's not worth it.

ETA: words

OP, just how old are you?

It's one of my pet peeves when military couples get married for the extra money. But that to the side- I say wait for so many reasons.

My FH and I have spent more than half of our relationship apart because of the military and we were "dating" for all of those times. You both will learn and grow so much that you need to give it that time.

I also don't know any BAH that'll increase by $1800 but okay.

I think if you do decide to get married before he leaves then be honest with everyone. " we got married for the extra money but you can come celebrate later ".

Being away for 9 months will really test your relationship and it could make or break it. I would definitely wait until after to get married so you can both enjoy the time together being newlyweds.

I agree with Anna. My BAH now is about 1800 to begin with, the highest I've seen is Hawaii at 2200 or so. Also the intention of BAH is to get housing (hence the H) so of course this would be effected by that. One more point I'd like to make is that BAH sometimes isn't instantaneous, our took quite a few months to kick in so that's also something to think about. But like others said, I would wait. I waited through two tough deployments to marry DH and I'm glad I waited. Being a military wife isn't just about the money.

....but you are married....

I would listen to what your FH is telling you ... wait until he gets back. Both of you need to be on the same page when it comes to the wedding date, no matter where it takes place or the reasons for doing so. He's telling you to wait and you are admitting he's not taking the courthouse wedding seriously.

Sonya I really hope you are telling your guests that you are already married and the party you are having is not a wedding, but just a celebration party. For your celebration party you shouldn't have any trappings of a wedding. Man this generation of military brides (or some of them anyway) makes me sick. Rush off to get married just to get benefits and money. Kudos to those who have waited, now that is honorable.

Just because you have a courthouse wedding doesn't mean that it's going to suck. The two of you can get nice outfits to wear and then have a nice dinner afterwards. My uncle had a courthouse wedding (because that's the only kind you can do in France) and it was lovely. It felt like any other wedding. Just tell your FH how much this means to you and tell him you'd like him to dress up.

If you want a fuffera wedding, you can have a reception when he gets back or on your one year anniversary.

Kaitlyn: I am the one in the military, not my FH, but some of the benefits honestly make it necessary in certain scenarios (IMO). Scenario 1: dual military coming up on a PCS. If unmarried, they may end up stationed at a different base potentially across the country or even 1 in Japan, 1 in US. Scenario 2: military is requiring you to move, thus requiring FS to move, losing their job and thus their health insurance. This is something that you generally have no say over. Should a couple really have to fork out hundreds of dollars in the middle of FS losing a job (to move with military FS) during a move (which is already expensive) to get new health insurance when it could be covered by getting married? IMO, that's a lot of money to lose. My FH actually stayed behind during 1 move that I did so he wouldn't lose health insurance through his job. We had only lived there for 8 months so he didn't know too many people and was 20 hrs away from his friends and family, alone, because of that (and we had to pay 2 rents but was worth him not losing salaried job and health insurance at the time). We weren't engaged at the time, so I didn't consider going to the courthouse to get married. But had we done that, we would have saved thousands of dollars by paying 1 rent for the 9 months we were apart instead of 2 rents and he would still have health insurance if he had moved with me. If they're engaged anyways, it makes sense to get legally married but I don't think they should have to miss out on the big wedding (if that's what they want). My point of this long message: I definitely get annoyed when people marry just for the BAH pay increase because IMO that is just marrying for more money. But I think you may be a bit quick to judge why some people do it for the other benefits. Generally, it's due to military caused sacrifices (from what I've seen). If you've ever been in one of these scenarios or had close friends in these scenarios, I think you would be more understanding. There are many more scenarios that military couples get placed in that they have no control over where I think getting legally married and still having a wedding later just makes sense. In certain scenarios, it could cost you thousands of dollars to not go get legally married. The military makes you miss out on so much already, it would suck to also miss out on your dreams of a big wedding because the military moves you or deploys you during your engagement.

Edit for clarity (I didn't realize how long and kind of confusing this is so I'm sorry about that): The they I'm referring to when I say "if they're engaged anyways, it makes sense to get married..." is a hypothetical they when it has to do with 1 of the scenarios I listed or a few other scenarios that I think make sense too. OP appears to only want to get married for an increase in BAH so I don't agree with that.

I had two "weddings." One was small and beautiful and in a church. It was my moms dying wish that I get married in the church, so we did it. Then I had a huge celebration of marriage with a vow renewal a few weeks later. I never lied to anyone, they all knew I was married. Talk to your FH and figure out what's right for you. Just don't lie to anyone if you get married with a small ceremony.

I'm sorry but this is so offensive. I had a courthouse wedding and by no means do I think it was crappy or not special. It's not just signing papers and it doesn't make it any less special because you're at the courthouse. Your family and friends can still be there, you can still have a "reception" by going out to a restaurant with them afterwards.

and @Sonya - you're married. Not engaged. Stop it, just stop it. By saying your wedding wasn't real is so ridiculous. You're not only (probably) lying to everyone, you're being a child.

@Anna - I understand what you're saying about it being important to be married in the military sometimes and I totally agree, but you're not having a wedding when you do your "big day" afterwards, you're having a vow renewal or a celebration. Saying that that's your wedding and the courthouse one wasn't a wedding is extremely offensive and not to mention, wrong.

My MOH did this. She says now she wish she waited.

You should never get married because you feel you HAVE to.

If its right before he leaves itll be right when he gets back.

When you get legally married IS your wedding date. It IS a wedding.

Have the wedding you want, be proud of it however you choose to d it, but it is a wedding no matter how big or small.

Also the fact that you think BAH is going to increase by $1800 is so laughable to me OP.

How old are you?

I have not read all the comments but am sure PPs covered the fact that calling court house weddings crappy is ridiculously rude and wrong. My parents had a "crappy court house wedding" and are still married 27 years later.

@MrsHazel: I 110% agree that it is rude to say a courthouse wedding is "crappy" and saying that a courthouse wedding isn't a real wedding is extremely offensive. Your courthouse wedding is no less real than a big church wedding and no less beautiful either. I see where people are coming from saying that it's lying to call it a wedding but just in my opinion, I don't see the big deal in calling it a wedding and dressing up in a big white gown. I don't think calling that a wedding takes away anything from people who get married in a courthouse and don't do any kind of big celebration afterwards. It's just wording to me and if that's what people want to call it, go for it (IMO). Purposefully lying about it is different and calling a courthouse wedding crappy or not real is extremely rude though. That's only my opinion though, I would never be offended by someone deciding to call their celebration a wedding too.