Fiance leaving on Military Training (get married before or after)

Sweetie, courthouse weddings are far from crappy.

FAR.

Please rethink and reword your post

Sorry, but it sounds like you want to get married for all the wrong reasons. Wait, work on your relationship, and get married later on.

My MOH married her now Marine ex husband right around the basic training time. They were together 6 months before marrying... They went to the courthouse and had a really nice tea room lunch after with family. Right after he left for his assignment for 6 months, she started talking about how she wished they had waited until after his police training. A year later they were stationed in Arizona away from anyone she knew. Long story short, she left her husband very recently and has moved on. She always said she had wished she didn't rush into marrying him just because he was in the military and because of housing and pay logistics. He looked at her as a payday token, and she looked at him as a stable place to live, since she had never had a home. Please, I personally saw my best friend/sister go through this and saw everything ripped away from her...... Please wait. If you love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together, please wait until he comes back... Its 9 more months, its worth the lifetime together...

He would not get bah if we were not married and that is why the jump is so large. We are national guard so the army would have him live in barracks while he is in training and then he would receive bah. He doesn't have a lease otherwise he would get partial

@Anna - obviously I'm a little sensitive to the topic, I have more of an issue with it being called a ceremony than a wedding honestly and I definitely don't have an issue with someone still getting a wedding dress etc. Lying about it or pretending that they're not actually married and still engaged (Which is what Sonya's hidden comment was implying) is the biggest dick move IMO which we seem to agree on

@OP - what @FB said, please address the fact that you think courthouse weddings are crappy. I would love to know why. Also, you've been asked at least twice, how old are you?

OP how old are you?

Caitlin- he doesn't need BAH if he's single. BAH is to help pay for off-base housing.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

IS HE ALREADY ENLISTED OR IS HE GOING THROUGH BASIC TRAINING?

sorry I needed to yell these questions.

@Cara. Yes!!!! Same here. My FH and I were together 4 years before he proposed. 3 1/2 of those he was in the military. We went through multiple deployments/times apart and it truly proves how strong our relationship is. Getting married for the benefit of the money bugs me. FH and I wanted to do it right and get to know each other. We both have seen friends get married and then divorced due to the benefit of the pay. It's so sad and upsetting!

@MrsHazel yup, I think we are more or less in complete agreement lol.

1 one caveat (I feel I should say because I had friends do it this way and no one I know thought it was rude). They were dual military and went to the courthouse and got married to be able to be stationed together and wedding was planned for 9 months later. They called it a wedding and "pretended" like they were engaged but if anyone actually asked if they went to the courthouse and got married (many people ask because they know about getting stationed separate if unmarried): they didn't lie about it. So they kind of pretended but didn't lie when actually asked about it. I didn't find it rude nor did anyone I know but I'm just curious about the general WW opinion. Do you guys think that's rude too?

@Caitlin Are you factoring in the addition of having to pay rent instead of free barracks? In your scenario, I would suggest just waiting until after his training. It appears that you're only worried about the BAH money increase and not losing a job due to a move and thus losing health insurance. He will survive living in base barracks for 9 months.

@Anna - as far as what your friends did and my personal opinion - I'm not okay with "pretending" you're still engaged. To each their own and all but to me that's still a sham, even though when asked they did tell people the truth. Idk, it just rubs me the wrong way

ETA: I agree, @OP is seemingly only concerned with the money and the way her wedding "looks" because apparently courthouse weddings are crappy. Which I would still like to know *why* she thinks that.

I probably should reward the post. What I meant about a crappy courthouse wedding is more based on his we are just signing papers comment and him not wanting to dress up.

Those of you telling me that the bah is not going to increase by 1800 are the ones who are wrong because he will not receive it otherwise. He will be in barracks. The actual increase is 500 in the Denver area, but he does not have a lease so he would receive 0 dollars in BAH. Guard members do not have to move their family for training and therefore get BAH if they are married.

I am 28 and know how BAH works for Guard members.

I also have waited to marry him through two deployments and know what distance does to us.

I probably should reward the post. What I meant about a crappy courthouse wedding is more based on his we are just signing papers comment and him not wanting to dress up.

Those of you telling me that the bah is not going to increase by 1800 are the ones who are wrong because he will not receive it otherwise. He will be in barracks. The actual increase is 500 in the Denver area, but he does not have a lease so he would receive 0 dollars in BAH. Guard members do not have to move their family for training and therefore get BAH if they are married.

I am 28 and know how BAH works for Guard members.

I also have waited to marry him through two deployments and know what distance does to us.

Wow, what a rude degrading comment. I have seen courthouse weddings done better than 75% of the weddings on here.

Fact is that most people who rush to get married to get military payments/housing end up divorced, Courthouse or not. Good luck with that!

I know of two right off the top of my head. Wait, grow up, your comments show a sense of entitlement and immaturity.

I'm starting to think OP is like 18, her fiancé is going off to boot and that's why they're talking about this. Don't do it, they change so much after boot camp and AIT. The military is a different mindset than most. And yeah, no your fiancé will not get an 1800 dollar increase just for BAH in the Guard. My fiancé is Navy Reserve so I'm very familiar with the increase and it's not 1800 dollars. I'm pretty sure if he is required to be housed on post, IE training where there's not a chance his spouse would be housed they don't even give it. I'd have to ask about that. But when they were talking deployments my fiancé wouldn't have gotten 1800 dollars extra for being married.

Just saw your update. If you cant tell your husband its serous/he doesn't realize its serious and get him on board with doing it in a classy way that makes you happy, you have other problems darling.

I agree with @OGK, you have bigger issues with your FH if he doesn't realize that "signing papers" at a courthouse is a serious thing and IS a wedding. Your comment about "Or is this all I get?" points to you not respecting a courthouse wedding either though.

Nikki- Sounds like money is the driving force behind this one! perfect reason to get married! That will work out GREEEAAAAAAAAAT! ;o)

Lisa and MrsHazel: Definitely see where your opinions are coming from!

I still disagree. May just be because I know them very well and I thought how they handled it was not in a rude manner. I wanted to know your opinions though, so thanks for sharing! I can definitely see your side of it too and how it can be a lie of omission.

1800 is the total BAH