Fiance (bride) not interested in taking part in any of the wedding planning

Can you guys just skip the big wedding and have a small ceremony followed be dinner at a restarting? theres really no reason you HAVE to have a big wedding.

Have you asked her why she doesnt want to help plan?

Why does it have to be big?

Have you sat down and talked to her about how you feel trying to plan it alone?

Also, you could talk to a mutual friend and have the friend help you plan things or hire a planner.

View Quoted Comment I agree, there are a lot of options between eloping and a big wedding. Having a simple ceremony with a dinner party reception (or bunch or lunch) at a restaurant, or even a cake and punch at a non meal time would be good. Invite closest family and friends enjoy a simple reception and then go on with life.

Hmm, this just doesn't make sense. She should definitely be helping with wedding planning, not just pressuring you to do it all, especially if it's what she wants. We brides who want a big wedding tend to know exactly what we want and are super excited about it - I couldn't imagine letting FH plan the whole event lol. If she is so disinterested, why is she trying to have a big wedding? Is it just because everyone in her family wants her to? Maybe that's the case and she's bitter about that, and maybe that's why she's acting out of character. You should definitely talk to her about it, ask her why she is acting this way and if she is feeling pressured into having a big wedding. If she isn't giving you a straight answer, then you should probably postpone the wedding because it sounds like you might have some communication issues to work through. Don't marry someone you can't talk to; give it time and work through the miscommunications first.
I hope you don't take that the wrong way but that would definitely be my suggestion. I suspect she just needs some emotional support because everyone around her is pressuring her to have a big wedding she doesn't want...which is sad and wrong, no one should be forcing her to conform to their expectations about how to get married. Unfortunately a lot of families do that, it's a common issue you'll read about a lot on here.

Everyone has had great things to add.

I will add that it may be great to hire a wedding planner and take the pressure off of both of you. No matter how small or large of a wedding you end up with it will be easier to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to various questions that the planner has for you then to do it all yourself. Obviously this means you need to budget a planner into the funds you have.

I'm sorry that you seem to he doing this work on your own. It probably would be easier for you to try and find an all inclusive venue. I saw one near me that would do the decorations, the catering, bar, the DJ, and the cake. They even would do the ceremony on site if needed. This option may help take the pressure of the planning off you.

Sounds like something else is going on with her. You are 100% right that it shouldn’t just be on one person or the other. If she is acting this way because of pressure from others that is concerning and needs to be addressed. There are many life events that include pressure from others that you need to work as a team to get through (especially if you want to have kids together).

BRO. From one guy to another, you need to take a big step back and assess this situation.

She refuses to have a small ceremony, but insists on a big princess one? She is also completely uninterested in helping at all. No woman in the world would take that stance. None. She put herself on a pedestal because she thinks she's the prize, and that you'll do anything to keep her happy.

You're a system administrator. What is she? Are you/going to be the breadwinner? Does she actually want to be married, or just using it as an excuse to distance herself? This is all very wrong, and you need to hit the brakes before it's too late and your income/retirement is on the line.

Watch the movie the wedding ringer with Kevin Hart. Good luck, man.

View Quoted Comment

Agreed with this. My biggest recommendation would be to hire a wedding planner, and simply ask your FW to answer the questions from the planner with you. That way the pressure is off of you both.

I would also take the time to talk to your FW about her disinterest in wedding planning and express how you feel about having all of the pressure on you.

I wouldn't marry someone who was unwilling to plan our wedding together. It's a big job and the stress and pressure should never fall on one person alone. This is a big project to work together on as a team just like you will for the rest of your lives. If one person isn't willing to work as a team, you're going to have big issues later on in your marriage.

Sit down and talk about what you both want out of the wedding and the wedding planning and how the two of you can get there together. Hopefully you can both get on the same page and find ways to keep you both happy. PPs had good suggestions about planners, all inclusives and smaller events. Some people also find it easier to have one person do the research and present their partner two or three options to consider. Good luck and make sure you keep communicating throughout the process

I am sorry you are going through this, it sounds very stressful. There are a couple of concerns here. First, wedding planning is a large task [even for a small event] and the stress can be monumental if it is shouldered by one person. I am a strong advocate of using wedding planning to develop the skills you will need to function as a couple moving forward [communication, financial planning, compromise, and developing boundaries as a martial dyad]. That said, for one person to plan the entire event is not only cumbersome, but also takes from the joy in sharing happy moments, working as a team to solve problems, and being unified in planning for your future. You should not be planning alone, neither should she, particularly when it comes to big decisions such as financial planning/budgeting.

Second: It is concerning that she is threatening to call off the wedding if you dont plan the wedding quickly, perfectly, and by yourself. I dont want to over-step, but that is worrisome. Not only are those unrealistic demands, they are unfair demands which sound unilaterally determined. If that is the case, there may be bigger things to address right now; wedding planning may just be the catalyst for more pressing matters that need your immediate attention [your relationship, functional roles in the relationship, and reciprocal communication BETWEEN the two of you, not authoritative direction to one of you from the other.] Using the threats of separation and ultimatums are concerning.

My Advice: have an open conversation with her. Find out why she feels the way she does, explain how you feel. It may be beneficial to do marital counseling or see a couples therapist if you are not able to openly/receptively communicate with each other about this and move forward as a couple.

Well the first step in this is the budget, the venue, the guest list in that order so you two need to talk

Try to remember (with her, as it is a mutual obligation) why you two are getting married and determine if even having a wedding is important to you both. If you agree it's important to you both to get married and have a wedding, then you both need to plan and have similar goals and make reasonable compromises. Wedding planning should be fun, but it is also just for a single day in a life spent together. She needs some perspective and needs to respect your efforts and feelings as well.

A small ceremony/reception and/or hiring a planner would be key.