fh doesn't want to invite spouses to the rehearsal dinner?

Cutting the flower girl and ring bearer from the dinner will probably save 20 dollars. I don't think 20 dollars is worth getting the parents offended. If you're not going to have them at the rehearsal at all, I guess it's not technically wrong. Maybe you should speak with your FMIL to see if she even has an issue with the cost/guest count. Good luck!

If your future mother in law is hosting ask her. Just say you wanted to ask if she wanted to host a larger or smaller rehearsal dinner and you can give her a guest list for each.
Personally I feel like your list is fine and if your mother in law wants to cater it and splurge then let her.

View Quoted Comment FH and his family believe that the list I made had too many guests. We are going to NOT include:
- flower girl (and parents)
- ring bearer (and parents)
- godparents
- grandparents

they only want to invite parents and wedding party, with no spouses.

I know etiquette says to include spouses but form my FH’s POV, he says that we’re all adults and they should understand why they’re not coming and it’s bc they’re not directly involved. They’re not walking down the aisle, they don’t have their dresses/tuxes, etc. it’s like a school project where only the people involved get to celebrate with the pizza party at the end. I don’t agree but whatever. I’m just going to have to deal

Is there a less expensive option to host everyone they would be on board with? I can see cutting the flower girl and ring bearer plus their parents maybe but everyone else AND spouses are standard. Everyone has the freedom to do what they want. And everyone has the freedom to be in the wrong too.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. I honestly would rather drive further away from our rehearsal spot and have it at FILs House to include everyone in our party. The problem with that is that his family lives in the same neighborhood as his other family members- aunts, uncles, cousins - very “my big fat Greek wedding”. I don’t want them to crash the party unless they’re part of the wedding but most likely, they will.

So, I am torn right now. Is there a way where we can still have it at his parents’ and not include everyone that’s not included? I’m sure they would like that. The cheaper, the better. If they could, they would get $1mcchifken to take care of everyone

View Quoted Comment No please don’t not invite them cause they are kids. They should be given same respect as others. They spent time at your reversal to practice, so they should be invited to dinner. Why treat them like there time is less valuable then others?

View Quoted Comment The FG and RB should be treated with same respect as others. They are giving up their time to rehearse. So why treat them like there time means less?

View Quoted Comment I said I could see cutting them, maybe. I personally wouldn't cut them. Their time is just as meaningful I agree. If OP had to make ANY cut to save the peace however...

The traditional ceremony procession starts after any grandparents, godparents, or parents are seated. When the flower girls, bridesmaids, rest of wedding come down. Are the godparents part of the bridal party? If they are just getting escorted to their seats, they are not . If they are proceeding down to the altar to take part saying things, they are. . . . For a casual backyard barbecue, it can be just the participants . But a restaurant meal is a bit more formal, and bridal party SO really must be invited. But readers, godparents, grandparents, are optional .
You have a large bridal party, and you need reasonable limits for the RD.

View Quoted Comment

Excuse me but did you even read my original post? I wanted the flower girls and ring bearer included but my in laws would prefer that the less people, the better. So if you have any ideas where everyone can be happy and included and have a dinner, then please, share

View Quoted Comment

I will go back and talk to Fh about asking his parents to have it at his house. They seem to prefer it as it was one of the choices before. I previously was hesitant to it because all of his other family in the neighborhood was crash it but at this point, I would rather include everyone who needs to be there, even if it means it's far from the chapel and where people are staying. I would rather they are included and are thanked for giving their time and energy.

If FH wants to argue with me about not including spouses and their kids, I will tell him to not include his brother in law and niece but only bring his sister. His sister and her family are not even part of the ceremony but of course they're invited automatically through association.

I need to stay true with the principle. If his parents want to be "cheap" - fine. At least everyone will be included

View Quoted Comment I did read the post. Have it at a pizza place.

Really anything besides fast-food ie taco bell goes for RD depending how formal you want it. You could arrange to have a pre-selected menu at a place like the pasta house for everyone to choose from or have it catered at FMIL'S house. Pizza is fine as well.

You can’t split up a social unit. Spouses need to be invited.

Your list is perfect with proper etiquette. If they want to cut the costs I would agree with you having it at their house and just order a ton of pizza and if the other family comes, so be it. It’s pizza, not steaks. And it’s easy cleanup. A nice time to relax the night before.

We aren't including grandparents as they aren't involved in the ceremony to the rehearsal dinner but are including the flower girl and her parents who aren't part of the ceremony. I would stick to those where it's totally necessary to be there. We invited spouses and SO's because FH's parents said that was fine and they included them. If your in laws really only want those who need to rehearse there that's really their prerogative. I know etiquette is that SO's are invited but myself personally I don't see the point. They weren't selected to be in the wedding party and the rehearsal is meant to thank the wedding party for sharing the special time with bride & groom.

I had this same issue with our RD. This was actually the hill I chose to die on. My FILs said they wanted it to be really nice for us (which was so sweet and very appreciated) and they could only host 25 guests on their budget. I was not ok with excluding the dates/spouses, so I called around to different restaurants to see who had private rooms that could seat up to 40 people. I gave that list to them and they chose a restaurant from it. It actually ended up being the restaurant where I first met them, so it was meaningful to have it all come full circle. We ended up inviting 36 people to the RD for less than it would have been at their country club to host 25 people, and honestly, the food was probably better at the restaurant lol. If you feel like it is wrong to exclude them, don't let them be excluded.

I wouldn't attend a rehearsal dinner if the couple excluded my husband, but that's just my opinion. I've never even heard of excluding significant others. I don't think cutting the flower girl and ring bearer is worth it either.

I agree with FutureMrsD, I wouldn't attend either if my spouse wasn't invited. I'd probably still go to the rehearsal, but then I'd go home.

Hi, what if you offered to pay for the added guest that you want to invite? but I do not think the Godparents will be offended to not be invited especially if they are not walking down the aisle