Family of the Groom left totally out of Wedding Loop!!

That seems harsh to me. My FMIL is more involved than my own mom, but that's because my mom isn't that interested in all the planning. I text and talk to my FMIL about everything. Sorry you're feeling left out. Have you talked to your son about it?

While they are not being very gracious in how they are responding to you (or the lack thereof), I would say fewer than half of the brides on this site involve their future in-laws in the planning in any substantive way. And probably more than a quarter don't involve either set of parents. Many couples are planning their weddings much more on their own these days, and my guess is that your daughter In law's mother is actually much less involved than you imagine. I would suggest not letting yourself take it personally or letting it shape your future relationship with your son's wife.

They may just be overwhelmed and trying to figure out how to set boundaries, but I agree, this is a little rude. I'd have a chat with your son and just ask what's going on. Maybe they just need a little time, but that's no excuse for this kind of behavior.

EDT; Barbara is right. I can tell you from my own couples (roughly 200 a year, in some form or another) for the most part, they are planning their own parties without a lot of parental involvement. Think of it as a gift; you get to come to a great party you don't have to plan.

Talk to your son about it. Don't hold it in because if you don't say anything now you will end up with a lot of resentment that may be unnecessary and things may happen that you can't change.

Didn't you try this same post over at WeddingBee awhile ago and it didn't go over well?

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/why-arebrides-so-selfish/#axzz32dYcWIxY

My FH's family is totally disinterested basically. They don't say crap about our wedding for most part. I wish they asked and offered to help.

It could be that they are worried you will start going oh why don't you do this instead of this or basically pick apart their choices.

Well you have to realize its THEIR wedding. Stay out of it and dont take it personally. Maybe you suggested ideas they didnt like. Maybe you want a fancy event and they want something laid back. Honestly my Fmil isnt invovled in the wedding. She gets the rehersal, my mom got the shower and Fh and I get the wedding. My FMIL has a very different vision of a wedding than we want. She has also crossed the boundary a few times, so i pretty much cut her out. Its just easier than asking for her opinions l, because I know we won't like what she has to say.

We barely involved either set of parents in planning our wedding. We asked their opinion on things that involved them - such as the guests they wanted to invite and who they wanted to sit with at the reception - but not the actual planning. I guess we figured it's our party, we are paying for it, so the decisions were ours to make. I think this is much more common now as pp's said. Couples are doing their own thing and the parents are not really as involved anymore in a lot of cases. I wouldn't take it personally.

Traditionally the bride's family handles the ceremony and the groom's family handles the rehearsal dinner, so perhaps they are just following along with that? Whether that may be the case or not, it would be your son's responsibility to ensure that his family felt included, not the bride's. I suggest talking to him about how you feel and hopefully that will get everything cleared up. Good luck!

I can't imagine having to consult with 3 sets of parents before making a decision. Depending on finances, I think that unless you have a financial responsibility to that particular aspect of the wedding, you shouldn't expect to be in on everything.

Wow thanks for ALL of the comments ..spoke to my son again and he said he is totally out of the loop as well! I guess one thing I forgot to post (which obviously is important) is that we were told that we could only invite 10-12 people (the brides family has over 200) because of the cost. That is initially why we asked if we could assist financially. At our rehearsal we only have 12 of the 60 that were invited :-(

Oh in fact my future daughter-in-law said she is hardly involved at all in ANY of the planning.. Makes me feel better ......

To Stephanie...actually this is the first time I've posted :-) thanks for the link though. Have to say planning the rehearsal dinner has been a fantastic experience bonding my sons stepmom and myself. It will be beautiful!!

You wouldn't be the first to feel slighted! The plans are best left to the Bride and her family. I would however make sure your side of the family is at least equally represented at the wedding. You might want to submit a list of important family members with addresses as the Bride will need to have this info. once the guest list is finalized. Good luck, enjoy the wedding and try not to take it personal.

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I agree that would be my reason for leaving anyone out

Not at all! I’m the grooms mother. A year later, I’m still extremely hurt by the way I was treated, along with all our guests, at my son’s wedding. I also had hopes of a long term relationship with my son’s in-laws. However, after the father refusing to acknowledge me at the wedding, that will never happen, He was rude and unwelcoming to our family. We were allowed one table of guests, while the brides family monopolized the entire other side of the room. I wasn’t welcome in the bridal suite. When I asked if I could put my gown on at the venue, to avoid it wrinkling while driving to the party, I was told I could change in the bathroom. My advice is to speak up, in hopes that the end result is a much more positive one.

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That's sad. It still might be good to see if you can get along better, despite what happened. The marriage creates a new family but it would be good to unite the couple's birth families together. I wonder if some guest lists might be controlled by the bride's family. There should be more equity in the guest list.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for your response. I love my son more than he’ll ever know. I asked the mother in law if her husband has an issue with me. That I wanted to discuss and fix going forward. She didn’t have the decency or maturity to respond. I enjoyed very little of my sons wedding. I can’t imagine ever making someone feel this way, on such an important occasion. I have a special needs son. They made him feel left out and unloved, his words. I can’t forgive that.

I'm right there with you. I keep begging for guidance, and I was just told to return my dress, cancel my flight, and salvage what I can because they don't want me there.


My friends are so appalled that with a lot of help I have a plan.... The plan??? I AM MY SONS MOTHER. THIS IS AS MUCH HIS DAY AS MINE. I'm going to wait about 6 weeks, and if there is no response, I'm RSVPing to the wedding...IM COMING! I don't need mother son dance. I can do my own make-up.. and when it's over, he is married, I saw it, and then I totally free to live my life. I'm not going to get involved in grand children.. he's going to now pay a price, because I'm NOT available any more.