Family member as officiant - any problems?

My FFIL is going to be our officiant in Sept. and we've had a couple problems already. When he first said he wanted to be our officiant, he said that he would like to give us counseling, which we are perfectly fine with. However, when we discussed it this January, he insisted on doing 12 sessions in person. That was an issue because FH and I live 5 hours away from eachother, we see eachother maybe once a month, and we both live about 3 hours away from FFIL. He then changed it to 6 weeks in person, which means that FH and I would be forced to go to the town FFIL lives, which is in the middle of nowhere. We would also be wasting about $600 in gas, and about 600 hours of our time combined, for driving back and forth. We offered to do it over skype/google chat for the full 12 weeks, but he immediately refused and threw up a huge fuss about how we were putting work before God (which had nothing to do with it at all), etc. Finally he came to his senses and said that we could [Continued...]

[Continued...] do 3 in person sessions, which we think is reasonable since it is likely that we will be able to fit that into our schedules. If the first session goes well, we may even agree to more sessions.

We will probably do counseling from a third party that is neutral as well.

Wish us luck on figuring out and agreeing to a ceremony with this stubborn FFIL!

My brother is going to get his JP license and marry us. It will be way more fun and special than a random person. Go for it!

@Celia, no, I would fully expect a professional officiant to have a different point of view. Thanks for the feedback on your experiences, though. We do have a fantastic DOC and DJ that will be there to assist during the ceremony if anything unexpectedly goes awry. I'm going to ask our DOC if she can help me write the ceremony, but I'm honestly kind of excited to make it totally our own! I'm confident that my grandfather will do a wonderful job and that the ceremony will be personal and heartfelt.

Thanks for the feedback all; we can't wait to ask him!

My nephew's bride's grandfather wanted to marry them. He needed the minister of the church to actually sign the license. He asked the bride's father, "Who presents this MAN in marriage?" He flipped back & forth in his book, losing his place, and gave the same reading twice. I was cringing in the pew!

Don't worry about your ceremony not being personal enough if a professional officiant does it:

Hi Nancy, I just wanted to say a big 'Thank You' for you officiating at our vow renewal last night. Everything was absolutely perfect. The setting on Longboat Key was just picture postcard. You were great, it was just like having an old friend perform our ceremony for us. Once again, thank you for making our special day fabulous. Many, many thanks and best wishes for your own anniversary next month. Paula & John, 9/12

Our friend is marrying us. We asked him his track record and he said one was divorced, one is separated and for the last couple the wife shot the husband...but they're working things out. And yeah, he wasn't joking!

I think it's great to have a family member marry you. I say go for it.

I think its a great idea. As long as he likes it and wont be sad about missing it as a guests perspective. We hired someone and we felt like he got us as soon as we met him- he was the second person and we hired him on the spot. He was so nice and I know it will be professional and personal. I think if you hire the right person, it can be both. Also, is your grandfather ok with speaking in front of large groups? Think about that too- my one grandfather can barely talk above a whisper anymore- not that that is always the case, but something to think about.

@Jamie D, he is actually a wonderful public speaker! He was the VP of a mid-size company before retiring, so he shouldn't be uncomfortable at all with commanding the attention. And since we tend to, ahem, make 'em young in my family, he's only in his early 60s. I'm just going to ask and leave it totally up to him, no pressure.

@Amanda, I say go for it. We're in MD as well. My BIL was our officiant. We asked him and he got ordained online. We knew he would be comfortable doing it, though he was a little nervous. Now he's been asked to do another one for a family friend. As long as you and/or the DOC are detail-oriented and keep your grandpa in the loop, this sounds like a great way to get married to me!

It's great that your grandparents are your model of what a marriage should be. Mine too.