Family Forcing Cousin into Bridal Party

IMO, it is too early to even be thinking about a BP. It is 15 months out still. If it is a bone of contention later, honestly, tell grandma she is welcome to remarry or renew her vows and have who she wants in her wedding, but it is very un-grandmotherly for her to force her granddaughter to have someone in her wedding that she would not choose on her own, and that you are sad she would want to tarnish your wedding that way.

ETA: what is wrong with my grammar today??

Ladies, this is the most logical advice that I've heard since I have been engaged!!!

Thank you, I thought I was going crazy! That was my original plan, but my grandma got so emotional that I just panicked and told her I would consider it.

I guess it would help to know that upon finding out I was engaged that said cousin asked to be a BM...

Well, your cousin is wrong for asking and your grandmother is wrong for threatening not to attend. I would not ask her just because a family member wants you to. And, honestly, I doubt your grandmother would actually follow through with her threat. I agree with what @Under suggests to say to your grandmother.

Just say no it's your wedding and you want to have your girls not someone you dislike. yes she is family but it's your bridal party not your families. ETA: I didn't read PP advice but it's great and Congrats

I agree way too soon. And, i get why its hard to stand up to your grandma, but you need to hold your ground. She will het over it and ot sets the precident for the rest of your wedding planning - you will take suggestions into consideration, but will ultimately make the decision that works best for you.

It's important to have ppl who support you up there with you. If she isn't that she doesn't need to be there. It will be ok!

If you don't want her DON'T ask plain and simple as that.

And if grandma goes that route well she will ultimately be seen as just how petty and ridiculous that she is really being.

My parents & grandparents are pushing for both my brothers to be groomsmen so I see where you are coming from with family expectations! Neither are really close to FH so why be up there? One brother doesn't even care/want the responsibility while the other threw a tantrum. My parents went as far as to threaten not to come! Oh the stipulations & stress! Fine by me if they show or not; it's my wedding and I'm dishing out the big bucks so they have no leg to stand on. Stick up for yourself and what YOU want. It's your day, not theirs.

1. It's too soon to be choosing a bridal party right now

2. When the time comes, say no. No one in your bridal party should be there simply because you felt like you had to. They're supposed to be your nearest and dearest. So put your foot down.

ETA: read more of your post. Please don't "offer" and list responsibilities and commitments and hope she declines. That's extremely rude. If you're going to ask someone to be a bridesmaid it should be a genuine heartfelt question. Also, NONE of your bridesmaids need "responsibilities." They don't HAVE to do anything for you so please don't tell them they do.

It's your wedding, not your family's. That makes you in charge, and it doesn't matter who plans and pays for it. In the end, you are the boss. Put your foot down and don't give into pressure. I had a somewhat similar situation but it was quickly concluded and mostly drama free, but I said a firm no to my mom telling me that I need to invite her friends, that I know but not real well. It's for close family and friends. Definitely don't invite someone to be in your bridal party if you don't get along with them.

In addition to what everyone else said already, I think you'll hear a lot of empty 'threats' through wedding planning. Almost every friend that's gotten married has vented about a family member or two making these weird requests or being adament. Those that say they won't come have almost always shown up and people (especially family) eventually back down when the bride/groom doesn't budge. I think it's similar to people trying to get exceptions to adult only weddings. It's usually an empty threat so don't stress about it. You have awhile to ask the girls - trust me, I regret asking mine as early as I did.

I'm in this situation...I just caved though. I know it's super early to have anything decided on the BP, but when my parents brought it up and then my aunt (her mother, and my favorite aunt) brought it up. I don't particularly like this cousins and I'm sure she knows it, but I caved because it seemed like it meant so much to my aunt.

Ironically I always tell people not to let themselves get pressured into that.

It's YOUR bridal party...YOU choose who you want.

@mikaylag I agree, I definitely need to just put on my big girl panties and just say no. I just didn't see either choice ending well, but it is also rude to ask out of obligation and not genuinely. We have over a year, I'm sure Grandma will be over it by then.

Also, my bridal party is pretty much already arranged (I only have about 3 friends, all 15+ years). They have decided that they want to throw my engagement party, bridal shower and bacholerette; so this requirement would come from the girls, not me. I actually feel awkward with that much fuss being made about me, but I'm taking FH's advice and enjoying because we will only do this once, after all

@futuremrswelch Right!!! It's like one minute your sitting there and the next, she's in!!! I just wish I could go back and try again.

I need a re-do button. My Grandma even poured on the "you know I'm 77, not even sure I will be around. I just want to see my girls get along...*insert puss in boots eyes*". I feel like that guilt trip should be off limits!!!

My bridal party has been set for 3 years now because they're my 3 closest friends (and my cousin that I'm attached at the hip with) and the only people I hang with outside of work. Your BP should be about you and your closest friends/family. Not out of it being an obligation. And to contradict what another poster said, with a DW there are responsibilities for being in the bridal party, such as travel arrangements, a hotel room, the outfit. But if you don't want her to be in the party then she doesn't need to worry unless she RSVPs yes to the invitation.

Hi OP! Welcome!!

You've already gotten some good advice here, but yeah, definitely try to put it off for a while. If Gramma asks again soon about it, just let her know that there's plenty of time before the wedding, and you'll decide later on.

Happy planning!

Welcome and congrats!

I was in a somewhat similar situation where my grandma was dead set on my cousin's daughter to be our flower girl. We aren't that close - her daughter is probably 4 and I've seen her once a year tops. I also didn't want children in the wedding party. She kept pushing it several times that I spoke to her and I just let her know I felt like I had already decided on the wedding party, and I'd rather my cousin and her family just be guests, but thanks for suggesting it. She eventually backed off. Hopefully your situation will work out similarly!

Yes. My mom did the same thing with my sister as MOH, and I asked because I can't take anymore drama from that woman. Well good news is my sister is spending all her money traveling to go to parties, and now she is saying she can't afford a plane ticket. The bad news is my mom offered to pay for her accommodations, but hasn't offered a single dime towards my wedding; we are not expecting anything, but it's the principal. The two of them make my ass itch. Sometimes you just have to let go...

That's where I'm at with the b.s. I'm happy and I will not let anyone else ruin that for me!

Well you can say you considered it .. lol I would go with your gut and not ask her to be in the wedding because of your parents wishes especially with hopes she'll decline. There is a reason you don't like her and I would trust that and move on. Your family will get over it.