Extremely sensitive - My dad is a chronic alcoholic...

...being judgemental, feeling sorry etc when they see him, and I sure as hell do not want my hubby's fam judging ME because of my dad. What do I do? Put up a note on our website? My dad will not see it. This is stressing me out. Pls help.

Will you have a rehearsal dinner where you families meet ahead of time? That might be a better time to do private introductions rather that on your wedding day. Also if you are having alcohol at the wedding it might not hurt to alert the bartender of any guests that might abuse alcohol so they can be more alert if someone needs to be cut off to prevent any problems at your reception.

ETA: You could also ask your FH to mention to your future in-laws ahead of time.

Thanks Shannon I guess him meeting everyone before the wedding sounds like a good idea. As far as alerting the bartender and cutting my dad off...Thats a big no. His sickness is so extreme that he actually NEEDS it to be normal. My dad no longer gets drunk and acts stupid. He just looks very sick and not what my family remembers. My dad is not a badly behaved person. So I am not worried about that. I am just worried what everyone would think of him : (

I think your FH should tell his mom so she can spread the word...I imagine people would be sensitive. He's you dad & he's sick, hopefully everyone understands that.

Will you have alcohol at your wedding?

So sorry Marlina, I know how sensitive this subject is. I would definitely agree with Shannon and alert the bartenders (unless there is the chance of a scene being made, I hate to say it but it happens). Maybe sit down with FH's family ahead of time and explain the situation. I would hope they would understand and certainly not judge you because of your father. Tell them how much your father means to you but sometimes things happen that is out of your control and this is one of those circumstances. I hope this works out for you!

There will be alcohol. I actually WANT him to drink because if he doesnt he goes into withdrawal and he starts shaking. My dad has been in the hospital because of this before and almost died. He has brain damage. He no longer functions normally without the alcohol. Strange I know but thats how deep it is.

Thanks so much for your kind words Jenn J!

Being the child of an alcoholic myself I have never had any problems with anyone judging me for someone elses problem. No one should judge another either. Your dad is ill and has no power over alcohol. Sad but true you can do nothing but love the dad you have in the time he has left. My dad died young from a heart attack. He had been dry for weeks. It was just his time.

I wish you peace on your wedding day.

Sorry you have to go through this. I do think having your FH family meet him before would be good or even just a warning. I hope everything works out!

Thanks MJ I totally agree with you. Unfortunately not everyone thinks that way.

Thanks Lucky Me!

Nolacrazygrl I admire you for your words and congrats on your recovery! This has been so hard. I mean growing up I never cared you know out of sight out of mind. But now as an adult and a parent I hurt so deeply. I didnt think of it that way (him being the focus at the reception) so I will not warn the guests. I will however sit with the inlaws and make them aware. I just pray that he is even able to make it. To him he does not have a problem, or at least he will not admit it. It is what it is and I love my dad no matter what. Thanks again!

My father is also an alcohlic also. who hasn't been my life. but his mother , who I love dearly is in denial. She said he should walk me down the isle. So as a compromise; my uncle and my father will be walking me. I haven't told my FH's family about my father yet. but my FH's knows everything. My concern is that he might show up drunk. Marlina, the other WW brides are giving you great advice, Good luck

Nola I am a christian and I do believe in miracles and God's work but for some reason I do not see this getting better. My dad has faced death about 3 times now, my brother who is the closest to him has cried to him countless times... so many situations that would get someone to "wake up" as you say but not him. However I will continue to pray. Its all I can do.

Thanks Robin... I hope it all works out for you too. My dad will not be walking me because I feel he does not have the right to give me away. That place is held for my 2 sons or even my brother who raised me and my little sister ever since my parents split. But i do however want a father daughter dance. I feel it will be the only thing I can hold onto in my heart before he passes.

My dad was an alcoholic and heavy smoker. He passed away from lung cancer and liver failure when I was 7. Even after he was diagnosed he couldn't stop. I remember after he passed my mom pulled full bottles of alcohol and a carton of cigarettes from under his bed. He was staying downstairs because he couldn't walk upstairs to the bedroom.

Anyway that being said, if you want your dad there you should have him. If you're afraid of what FH's family will think have him mention it prior to the wedding and/or wedding events. However, alcoholism is an illness. I don't think you need to address his presence there. Would you feel it necessary to warn them if you were having a guest who was special needs or a guest who was terminally ill? Honey, you don't need to explain yourself or him. He's your dad, warts and all. Say a prayer, be thankful he's with you and marry the man you love. :-) Good luck!

Thanks so much Jac Jac! You make total sense : )

I have a similar concern with my father. Just wanted to send ya a big hug!!! I know its hard to deal with/think about!

Thank you Jessica D.. Sending a hug right back at ya!

Well said, Jac Jac! I agree... this is your special day; no need to worry about what others will think! I'm sure you're a wonderful person and FH's family already knows this! As I always tell myself... you are your own person; your parents mistakes do not define you. :-)

I agree Jessica!

So sorry Marlina ... my step dad is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for the last 15 years. understand completely when you say that dad actually needs to drink to be normal.

I agree with what others have said to introduce him at the rehearsal dinner. This way you can prepare everyone for dad just looking and acting differently.

But let me ask you this - would anybody judge him (or you) if he would look ill due to cancer? Or if he was acting different because of dementia?

Why do we as a society decide that alcoholism and drug addiction is a character flaw and we can only feel sorry for people that are "really" sick?

When I read your message I focused on the fact that you will likely not have time with him for that much longer. I am sure he loves you deeply and will be touched by his little girl getting married.

I know we want our wedding day to be perfect, but I doubt there will be any person truly judging the love between daughter and father on that day.