Extremely sensitive - My dad is a chronic alcoholic...

And I just read Jac-Jac's reply - we feel the same way.

And there was no room to also send you a big cyber hug Marlina!

Thank you Gabriele O. I know what you mean and society chooses to feel sorry or judge over what they feel deemed to be correct and it sucks. My dad IS sick and at this point there's no cure so you are right! Yes I do not have much time left with my dad. I live in FL and he is in NY. I hardly ever get to visit. Last time I went up was 2 years ago when he ended up in the hospital. He had no idea who he was, where he was or what date it was so I flew up to see what the issue was since he has no one. thats when the dr said if he continues he has no more than 3 years. Well its been 2 and I would love the memory of dancing with my dad at my wedding before he goes.

And thanks for the huge cyber hug I actually felt it : )

I appreciate all of the support given here. I cant say thank you enough!

Well said Nola... And because of everyone's comments here especially yours being that you have been there, I will not stress. I just want him there. That's all that matters to me.

Nola - you are so right. I was a chain smoker for about 10 years and finally quit in 98. I still have the urge to smoke every now and then. And yes, people will tell me "oh, just have one!" ... similar thing.

And oh my god! Are you right about the staring ... The worst are the people that actively "try not to look, but can't help it and don't know what else to do."

I was in an accident a few years back and FH and I had to travel home after. I looked like I was severly beaten ... two completely bloodshot eyes, blue and black around and scrapes, burns and bruises. The staring both I and FH had to endure was crazy and sad ... your note just reminded me. People likely thought he beat me.

Since that experience I will smile at a person that looks very different. I now know how it feels.

Marlina - I know you will hold the memory of the dance with your dad in your heart forever.

I sure will! Help me pray that he makes it!

I know how you feel. You don't think that your dad will respect you and your day enough that you won't have to fear the wrath of embarrassment? I know that you love your dad sweetie, and you want him there but, you have to make a decision as to what would make you happy. Should you have to babysit your dad on your day and accommodate him, or should he be accommodating you? My mom drinks a lot, and I fear that she will 'show out 'at the reception. What do we do?

Yes, you do want him drinking. Not only is shaking a problem for sevear alcoholics the withdrawl can cause terrible seizures. What my suggestoin would be is to put him at a table with his family, a bro/sis if he has. Also if you could introduce him to your FH mom and dad, and let them know your worries then they can brief the rest of their family.

I will tell you what, have a talk with your dad, and tell him how you feel. Ask him if you could please see him get cleaned up, and if he loves you, he will. Ask him to represent you proudly at your wedding, and hopefully he will.

I would talk to you FIL and explain the situation.

People now are aware that it is disease, but that does mean that they won't have an adversion to him. I pray that everything works out for you.

My dad's dad was an alcoholic, so alcohol is something I have avoided because of it. One of FH soldiers is on the verge of becoming like your father I am afraid. We are trying to help him.

Smallwonders thanks for your tips. MrsSmith yes my father has been thru all of that and has dead brain cells because of it. I will def have a talk with the in laws about this and my bro and sis will be on duty. I will as well after all this may be the last time we all see him.

You are completely right Nola! Its to the point that my dad puts hard liquor in his beer. and THAT doesnt even get him drunk. Just a small buzz but he doesnt lash out or act crazy in front of people. Well I have not seen him do this anyway. I'm sure my brother will not tolerate him acting crazy and will take him back to the hotel if it becomes a problem. But no my dad can not and I mean NOT go without drinking. If he does not get beer in his system the moment he wakes up he starts having convulsions.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. We all have embarrassing things. My dad is an alcoholic too but he isn't in my life. I don't get to so have the father daughter moments and I'm ok with that. If ppl. Want to judge me for not having a dad then they shouldn't be invited to the wedding. No one should judge you for your dad. Have your FH talk to his family and they will spread the word. I'm sure they adore you, they won't care about how your dad looks.

Wow Crystal thanks for sharing your story! Maybe I should check it out. But on the other hand I just feel like its too late. He will not get help whatsoever.

I'm sorry to hear this. my father was the same way. note i said was. he died when he was 53 from cirrhosis of the liver. he refused to stop drinking up until the last year of his life which at that point it was too late. he had to be sober for a year to even get on the donor's list.

anyways, don't put anything out on the website. do as others have said and try to introduce him early. also, speak to him about your expectations. i know not serving alcohol won't make a difference. my dad used to keep a water bottle filled with brandy or moonshine with him all the time.

i wish you the best. don't stress. nobody's family is perfect and anybody who will judge you bc of this is an ass. enjoy your day.

Marlina, I don't think I have any advice, but I just wanted to comment and share some encouragement. I was struck by how closely your description of your dad matches my dad. He's not an alcoholic, but he was addicted to drugs. He's clean now and I'm so proud of him for that. He's only been clean for a few years now though and he doesn't look 100% healthy yet. He also has long grey hair, missing teeth, and a malnourished scrawniness. He's technically died of an overdose before, and that still didn't make him quit. I don't know (and don't want to know) what did make him quit, but we're all so happy he did. I understand that your dad won't and at this point can't quit and I can only imagine how much that must hurt to watch. I'd like to reinforce the previous advice about not telling people about his illness. Frankly, it can be a personal struggle and it's not really their business. Especially if they're guests who will only interact with him at your wedding and not after. I know (cont.)

OMG you ladies have me all in tears! Especially you Crystal and Nola. I really feel trapped all I have done all my life was just hate him and not care and it has had a bond on me for way too long and now I need to let it go but do not know how! I never thought about AA and wouldnt know where to start. MrsRight do you remember what exam your dad did to be diagnosed? My dad had an appointment today for an EDG. I'm sure its to check his liver but I have no clue what is really the issue since he has no idea what is going on and there is no one there with him. His girlfriend is another messed up case so she is useless to talk to and of course because of privacy laws I can not talk to his doctor. He actually thought he was going in to have his leg amputated because of an accident. When I googled what an EDG is I assume its for his liver. I didnt tell my dad because if he knew it was related to his illness I know he would not go.

This situation is painful, I just pray for peace, healing, and a memorable (in a good way) day for you and yours.

Ashley you touched another issue we believe he has and that is drugs. My brother saw a crack pipe at his place and refused to go back to watch him die. My dad denies it all. My brother said my dad's girlfriend looks like a user so he gives my dad the benefit of the doubt but who is he kidding? I didn't mention that part only because i do not know for sure because he was not a drug user for all I could remember. Just a drinker. But I'm sure he's so done with his own life that he could care less what kills him first. My dad has severe depression from way back to 1977 when his only brother and best friend was killed. His niece drowned a few months before that, then his dad 7 years after. Not to mention my mom leaving him and taking us with her. He's stuck in the past and just wants to go be with his brother. I am overwhelmed with such warmth of all the support I am getting from you all. I have never opened up to anyone about this until now.