Extremely sensitive - My dad is a chronic alcoholic...

I'm so sorry to hear all the pain your dad has experienced Marlina. My dad is a Navy vet and has been diagnosed with PTSD and Bipolar Disorder. It's an uphill battle the whole way. I'm so glad you have found support (I think the WW ladies are really good about this ), it's an important element of working through such things. It's interesting to me that you originally touched on not wanting anyone to judge you for his choices. I've experienced some of that myself; I've been a huge "goody two-shoes" type for a long time, partly to prove to others (and myself) that his issues weren't passed on to me. It took some years for me to accept that my actions are mine and his actions are his. Again, I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. I hope you continue to find support here and elsewhere in your life

Thank you for the info Crystal!

Thank you so much Ashley!

I don't know what test he recieved for it. we only found out b/c he ended up in the hospital 2 years before he died and he almost died at that point as well. that's when it was discovered what he had. oddly enough when he became conscious he pulled the tubes out of himself and checked HIMSELF out of the hospital against dr's orders and went to my uncle's house for some moonshine.

i don't know what kind of relationship you have with your father but i'd stay on him. don't ever give up on him. talk to him even when he doesn't want you to.

In this day and age, no family is perfect, we somehow all have a family member we rather keep in our closets. But it's different in your case and I do admire you for that, instead of keeping him away from your wedding, you wanted to share that special moment with him, regardless of what happened in the past. I am sure this is hard on him too, emotionally and healthwise, but everything will be ok. I believe that one's love and devotion to their parent regardless of the circumstances is the most admiring and beautiful lesson people can learn from each other, there is not a lot of that going around anymore. I hope your FH family are mature and wise enough not to judge you, instead to hold you and embrace you during the time you will be needing one. You and your husband will be blessed and I am not sure if you have kids right now, but if you do, and the ones you will have in the future, my only prayer is they pick that trait from you, I am so proud of you.

MrsRight he doesnt know what to tell me. He does not know what his issue is. We talk but the next day he does not remember what we spoke about. All I can do from a distance is ask him to read me what his papers say and thats if he reads it correctly! Thats how I found out about the EGD. I have told him time and time again that each time he goes to the dr he needs to add us on his paperwork so the dr can call us. But he does not. my dad ended up in the hospital 2 years ago too. All I heard was he's lucky to still be alive, he has brain and liver damage and if he continues he will not last more than 3 years.

Thanks for your beautiful words Charlotte! I do have kids now and I know they want to see him too so I hope this all goes well. I will need the best water proof makeup ever made!

Maybe try to go to the dr.'s with him. you may have to go over there and sit down with him to figure out when his next appt is. call the dr. with him next to you or even just take him up there to get you added. i'm assuming he's close by. i wish you the best with all of this.

That's not possible mrs right I'm in fl and he's in ny. But thank u. I have to talk to my brother n see if he will do it.

Marlina I think you don't have to explain or justify your father to anyone. He's your dad and he has a problem. Hell, everyone has someone in their family that has some sort of problem be it drinking, drugs, mental, whatever so hold your head up high. Since you said that he doesn't act crazy and needs a drink or two to stablize himself, allow him that and have your dance with your father. My father has been gone for thirteen years and I wish I could dance with him one more time. Enjoy this special time in your life and cherish the memories - you never know if you will ever have special time with him again.

I am praying for you and your family. I know this can be hard. Ask your father to give permission to his doctors to speak with you or one of your siblings regarding his condition. How far away does he live from you? If he is close enough, maybe you can go with him to one appointment in order to find out exactly what is going on.

Marlina, I completely emphasise with you. My father is a chronic alcoholic and has been for the last six years. I have not told him about the wedding and am still not sure if I will or not. My parents separated six years a go. My dad has been in and out of temporary accommodation, he has been homeless and regularly spends time in hospital. He has no friends and has not seen any friends for years. He is currently in a unit for homeless people with alcoholism.

I spent so long worrying about what to do in regards to the wedding. He has a history of getting too excited about occasions and getting himself completely blind drunk beforehand.

Do not be embarrassed or feel as though you have to explain. Try and have a word with his immediate family before hand to explain if you are feeling anxious. The day is about YOU and your husband. I have organised a back up plan (if he goes) - his sister will take him home if he gets drunk. I need to post an extra message! x

Having an alcoholic parent (even as an adult) is a constant grieving process. I was told by a councilor that I am grieving for a loss, but with no closure. I can't see my father living much longer - he has now been diagnosed with alcohol-related dementia. I understand how you feel when you say you want him there. I feel the same. I can't imagine him not giving me away. However, I have asked my mum, just in case.

I know how soul destroying it is to have to care for an alcoholic - especially someone who should be protecting and caring for you. I worked myself into the ground trying to get stuff sorted with my dad (housing etc) but at the end of the day - they won't realise what you are doing.

You are amazing and strong. Your wedding day with be a success. Feel free to message me about anything!!! Good luck xxxx

Francis I greatly and humbly appreciate you sharing your situation and thoughts with me. I have come to just accept things for what they are and just enjoy his presence to the fullest extent. It may be the last time we are together. I do not think he will make it to 2014. If he does then great. But I don't visit him often because I can't bare to watch how he is killing himself. But again thanks for your words and warm support.

I completely understand. Am also aware that everybodys situation is different. I rarely see my dad for the same reasons as you. It's a silly bloody world isn't it.... Sending love x

I am very familiar with this scenario. My father passed away before I was faced with this problem. I would have a talk with FH and see what he thinks. Your dad and who he is, is no reflection on you. Talk to your future in laws. Explain some of the history. Maybe even talk to your dad and ask him to be on his best behavior. Good luck to you. Keep us posted.