Experiences as a wedding guest

I couldn't tell you how many weddings I've been to - but my fair share (maybe 15-20?). I've been to a few rehearsal dinners (as an out of town guest or as a member of the bridal party) and one post-wedding brunch - but none of that stuff is necessary (and FWIW I kind of prefer if the couple doesn't plan my weekend for me - I want to be able to eat or whatever when I want to, not when it's planned). For our wedding we did a rehearsal dinner that included out of town guests if they wished to attend and then the next morning we had our parents to our place for mimosas, quiche, and gift opening.

All pre and post wedding events are completely up to you and your budget. Most weddings I've been to have a rehearsal lunch or dinner and that's it. One had a lot of out of town guests and their parents paid for them to have a welcome reception (hors d'oeuvres and open bar). I went to a formal wedding where they didn't do any pre wedding events, but they did a BBQ in their parents backyard the day after for out of town guests who were still in town.

Pre-wedding events are optional. We had a rehearsal dinner after our rehearsal, and we invited out of town guests as well as the bridal party and their families and close family. Most weddings I've been to, I've just gone to the wedding itself. On several occasions, such as when in the wedding party or it being close family, I was also invited to the rehearsal dinner. I've never been to a farewell brunch or anything and have only heard about them on here. Some weddings have and casual after parties to keep the party going, but that was more of a word of mouth thing than a formal event.

I've attended so many in my life I've lost count.


Welcome dinners and day after brunches are a new trend from wedding tv and 100% optional. I've never attended either of those before and they are foreign concepts to most people. A rehearsal dinner is required after the rehearsal and is standard regardless of how formal or informal the wedding itself is.
Showers are standard as well, hosted by the bridesmaids or coworkers, never the bride's family or herself. Engagement parties are optional and regional. I've never seen one but they're popular on crime dramas set in major cities.
As a guest, the only pre wedding events I have attended are showers and rehearsal dinners.

My daughter just got married but her wedding was really small- no pre or post wedding events. I’m getting married in April & we’re having some events. Rehearsal dinner & brunch the following day- both of which are being paid for by his parents.

I've been to around 50 weddings that I can remember well over the past decade. In my experience, the factors that determined whether or not there were pre-wedding events that I was invited to were not so much formal vs. informal, but local vs. out of town. Out of the 50 weddings I've attended, I would say that around 30-35 were out of town for me. It also depended on how close I was to the couple (i.e. if it's a cousin getting married, then I'm always invited to the rehearsal dinner, but if it's a local work friend then I'm not invited to pre or post wedding events). I've personally never been to an out of town wedding without being invited to a rehearsal/welcome dinner at minimum, but that's just my own experience and probably not the experience of the majority on this forum, since customs can vary regionally. Before I met my husband, he had never heard of a farewell brunch the day after a wedding, whereas on my side of the family, everybody hosts a farewell brunch at the hotel block the day after the wedding in addition to having a rehearsal or welcome dinner the night before. The concept was standard practice in my family but completely foreign to him. We hosted both a welcome dinner and a farewell brunch simply because that's the accepted practice in my family. We also had a very formal and expensive wedding. My best friend had a 17-person casual micro-wedding and she had her own version of a 'welcome dinner' (pizza and beer at the Airbnb we all stayed in) and a 'farewell brunch' (Panera Bread bagel platter at the Airbnb). The good news for you is: there are no written "rules" for these things, and there are many ways to host pre or post wedding events. It's nice to host some kind of pre or post wedding event for the guests who have to travel to your wedding, but it's not required.

I’ve been to at least 30 weddings.
Showers prior spa girls day if I was in wedding
rehearsal dinners if I was in the wedding night before cocktail party mixerpost day casual brunch

I have been to a handful of weddings (as an adult) and the only pre or post wedding events I have attended have been the bachelorette or kitchen tea. Rehearsal dinners are a very American thing and personally I don’t understand why anyone but the bridal party need to attend them. Same as a post-wedding brunch – although for our family only we will be doing a post-wedding brunch to farewell family since quite a few members of family will be travelling for our wedding.

I will say this though, it is very expensive attending weddings, particularly when you are invited to **** events related to the wedding!

I have been to 15-20 weddings so far in my life, for me, they were all local so i had no idea if they even planned anything for out of town people. Or pre-wedding stuff.. i have had to work during the times i was invited to bridal showers (no paid time off for me, at the jobs i held) and thank goodness i have never been IN a wedding to be invited to the bachelorette parties ...the rehearsal dinners are SUPPOSED to be for the bridal party and pastor to practice the wedding timing the night before And then those there go to a dinner as “thanks for all your help” ... All of the brides/grooms left the wedding reception to immediately go on their honeymoon (no late night weddings/after-party stuff)

Welcome dinners are not necessary! Outside of a rehearsal dinner, I’ve never been to a pre-wedding event (excluding the shower/Bach party). I’ve been to a handful of out of town weddings, and only one had a welcome event (and we were staying with the bride so it was more of a dinner and sleepover than formal event)

I have been to a lot of weddings. Rehearsal dinners are for immediate family, bridal party, and their significant others. They used to include out of town guests, but that was back when most people didn’t move away from their hometowns. Now, it’s not feasible for most people, and that’s okay! You don’t need to include them, and I haven’t been to a single wedding that has. I have been to weddings that have other welcome events that don’t cost much, if anything though! For example, one couple met up with people at a bar and they all just hung out.
Post wedding brunches are becoming more common, but they aren’t standard or necessary. Again, it’s another expense. You do not have to feed your guests multiple meals!

Been to 15-20, and have been in 6. They were all formal for the most part. One was a wedding reception as they had had a small family only celebration (pre-covid). Some had some fun elements (karaoke, on a yacht). All reflected the couples quite well. I’ve been to post wedding brunches for the weddings I was in only. Never attended a welcome event.

I've been to a decent amount of weddings (mostly on the formal side), but only a handful of bridal showers and ... 1? rehearsal dinner (besides my own). (I have never been a bridesmaid, just a reader.) Two post-wedding brunches... well, one was for college friends and the other was "all of us stumbled down to the hotel breakfast around the same time".

The only things that are *truly* required for a wedding are:

1. A couple

2. A license/officiant

3. Refreshments for any guests that may have attended.

That's it. That's the sum total of requirements for weddings.

We've added on everything else - either for tradition, or fun, or culture, or money-making. You add on what YOU want and what reflects you and your budget.

The best weddings always have touches that are specific to the couple getting married.

I've been to about 10ish weddings, including my own. I've found in my circles a welcome party when you're having a destination wedding is the norm—it's basically in lieu of a rehearsal dinner, inviting all guests who traveled for the wedding for food and drinks. Day after breakfasts have also become the norm, but we skipped having one and I've never attended one. As a guest, I'm ready to drive home and close the chapter on the weekend. As a bride, while I do think it would have been fun to chat about the wedding and easy to host—especially since roughly half our guests stayed at the venue—it was much, much more fun to leave at the crack of dawn for our honeymoon!

I've been to nearly 30 weddings as a gust, mostly formal, and I've been a bridesmaid in 6. I've had a similar experience to one of the posters above. I'm originally from NY if that's relevant. I can only recall a couple of weddings in which I wasn't invited to the rehearsal or welcome dinner, but most of these weddings were out of town. Maybe there was one wedding where the rehearsal dinner was limited to immediate family and bridal party only, but I'm usually included if I'm traveling from out of town. Lots of farewell brunches as well. We will be having a rehearsal dinner (and will be including the out of town guests) as well as a brunch the next day.

The only weddings for which I've been to pre-wedding events were for my two sisters' weddings, which were 16 and 13 years ago, respectively. We did a rehearsal dinner for my oldest sister's wedding but not the second; I honestly don't remember what we did the night before her wedding other than putting together favors. The second sister's wedding is also the only time I've ever been a bridesmaid; my oldest sister had too many friends to just choose a handful from, and it was my BIL's second marriage.

Other than those two, I've been to five other weddings somewhat recently (and when I say recently, I mean between the last two and eight years). Seven years ago, my fiance was in a wedding for a guy who's now in ours. He took part in the rehearsal dinner, and I was invited, but I had something else going on that night, so I couldn't go. (They had a Friday wedding, so the RD was on a Thursday.) As to the others, I was only a guest, so all I did was show up the day of.

I’ve been to 15+ weddings as an adult, and the pre-wedding events seem to depend a lot if it is a destination wedding and/or if the guest list includes a lot of people traveling. When flying in for a wedding, an event on Friday night is a nice way to see everyone and get to spend more than a few minutes with the couple (many times these end up at a bar where the older guests head home earlier). I’ve been invited to several day-after brunches, but like earlier responses, I just want to get home at that point!
As to wedding showers, thank goodness these are losing popularity! I understand why parents/aunts want to throw them, but most people in my circle have skipped them. Instead we’ve put that money towards a long bachelorette weekend- which is a much more fun way to make friends feel special!

I’ve planned over 500 weddings and been a bridesmaid in 9. I’ve attended at least 20 that I can remember as a guest. My favorite tradition is the bridal breakfast it’s a long standing southern tradition where the grooms family hosts the wedding guests for a late breakfast following the wedding as a thank you to the brides family