ETIQUETTE QUESTION: Registry Info and Invitations

Good point Carole.

Hey Mrs. S. - nope, not trying to imply etiquette doesn't matter; hence this post.

Beth G. - thanks a bunch for the feedback.

Carole M. - thank you, too!

You guys are all awesome and extremely knowledgable. Really appreciated.

Diane...When I married the first time 30 plus years ago, only the more well to do registered and yes the info was still only for showers because cash gifts were typical of his family as well. I was marrying into well to do, but I came from working class old school Italian. The ex's family was appalled that I never registered. When asked, my reply would be, "I will register when KMart has a registery." lolol The ex MIL was not pleased that she had to keep the list around the phone. : )

From an old tart's perspective, I think we have gotten to a point where some of the "rules"become a major PITA but we do them(like the bridal purse my daughter used)just so people like us 'old tarts" who are usually writing the checks for the wedding gift don't get our fur ruffled. I had such a difficult time even explaining to my daughter that when she was doing the seating for my side of the family, my father would want a say in it. She found it annoying, rightfully so.

Carole M. - you are ALWAYS so helpful and provide great explanations and informaiton. Thank you for your insight into those of us (or should I say ME) who are not so "in the know."

Your feedback and recommendations are so on point. Have you ever thought about writing a book... or becoming a wedding planner?

All the weddings I have been to have had a registry and I have NEVER found it to be disrespectful or distasteful...I thought it was ok. We will have a gift registry and I will not let anyone make me feel bad about having one. To each It's own..is doesn't make those of us who have one bad or disrespectful people! Some of us like it and some of us don't

I wouldn't judge anyone who did put it on their invitations, but I won't be doing it! Nowadays, you can do whatever you want I think, and I prefer proper etiquette over convenience (of not having to answer the question a million times).

Okay the rules say no, but my people said PLEASE DO IT! I am usually a rules person and tried to be so Ms. Emily Post about everything, but i broke with her on that. What i do know is that Ettiquette should be about guest comfort MY guest are most comfortable knowing where you are registered without having to call and ask. so think about it like that.

I also want to add that while I love Ms. Post, all of her rules do not apply to all cultures so you have to keep that in mind as well. People get worked up about it and i stressed hard about it(and i mean really hard because of those rules). I finally did it and my cards were lovely. The matched my stationary and they were very small.

I certainly don't think they are a Hell No.

I always think these posts are funny...because it's an impossibly question really. Every single wedding I have been invited to had the registry info or a card slipped in there along with the invite even though all the "rules" say not to.

I had one friend whos family(the grooms) was really peeved by the fact that they put the registry info in there. So if you are concerend ask the famiy what they think since they will be the ones getting the invites!

Now as far as I am concerned, I won't be putting them into mine just because thats how we roll We will probably just put it on website. If people want to bring a gift, I assume they will either ask or go to the website to find the registry or just bring cash.

You also need to realize that everyone does not have a website..lol heck we don't and I have to many other things to do than that. Most of our family are computer clueless are don't have access like that and plus I've already been asked about a registry. And in my family when there is a celebration such as this, baby shower, housewarming, anniversary are anything, we take gifts so that's in our family...I think you make your own rules for your own wedding. We are not following anyone's rules...lol

I dont really understand the rules of ettiquette either, but i do know that in my honest opinion, not being gift grabby at your own wedding/wedding shower is paramount to not being gift grabby at your own birthday party. it is one of very few times when its all about you, and its well known and expected for you to receive multiple gifts. personally, i would be irritated to receive an invitation and have to boot up the computer just to see where they are registered. I wouldnt do it, i would just find something i think they might need and box it up. unnecessary step to me. OP, if someone you know gets offended by you making it easier for them to buy you a gift, do you really want that person at your wedding? i think that would be the real question here. if you want to include the information, do so and anyone who says anything about it can just stuff it.

I personally think it is fine to include the information in INFORMAL invitations -- on a separate card or on your wedding website, not printed right on the invitations. I think it is best to include them in your Bridal shower or bachelor party invites, and let those close to you continue to spread the word. I personally don't think they should be included in formal wedding invitations. There are several more casual events that often lead up to the BIG day, so I would offer the information during smaller, more casual parties.

I just wanted to add that the reason why everyone is asking "Where are you registered at?" and "What do you want?" is because that is the proper etiquette way to find out where someone is registered at.

You spread the news by Word of Mouth on what you would like for a gift.

The only place those little register cards belong is inside a Shower invite, like others have already expressed.

Congrats ladies!

Honestly, I've never understood why people think they need to put registry information in their invitations. If someone wants to buy you a gift, they will try to find out what you want (asking you, asking your parents or bridal party if they know them, asking the host of your shower if there is one). So it's not like the information won't get around.

I won't be including them in our formal invitations but i will give the cards to my MOH for my shower and I also have links on our wedding web site for it.

In my family, most people don't bring actual gifts to the wedding they just bring a card with money. I by no means expect gifts or money at all and am just greatful to everyone for sharing our day with us but I know that making the effort would be a waste and by that point everyone would know where we are registered because of the shower anyway.

Crap! this again!?

As an attendee of many weddings (now approaching age 50), I would offer that if you're going to register at all, include the registry in the invitation. Not everyone attending your wedding will be invited to your shower (think: nearly the entire side of the grooms guest list!). And not everyone invited to your wedding will have a computer (my mother never has and I don't see it happening that she ever will!). While some consider it rude to include it, others consider it rude to make them work so hard to try to bless you with a gift. I've never been to a wedding/reception where there weren't gifts on a table somewhere. Why make the guests bother the bride/groom by having to ask how they can find out what would bless them, during such a busy time (pre-wedding weeks)? Common courtesy overrules etiquette in my opinion.

And I'd add: I'm bummed no one ever answered the initial question of the original post: when did this change (when did it become considered rude), and who made that decision?). Googling that very question is what led me to this post so many years after it originated