Etiquette FU- no ring, no bring= not bad

FutureMrsH, I agree wholeheartedly.

I mean, it's one thing to put registry info inserts with the invites, have a cash bar, etc. All of these may be interpreted as begging for gifts or improper hosting of your guests, but as rude as people may find this, it is possible to attribute this to ignorance or unfamiliarity with what people generally find acceptable in such cases.

But this is just plain inconsiderate and disrespectful. You said, and I quote: "we did this knowing we were going against traditional etiquette, and would likely piss some people off, but honestly we didn't care".

Well, good for you for not caring about your guests. I understand that you may think it's your day and whatnot, but what you are truly doing is this:

You are asking people to come honor and celebrate your relationship by essentially refusing to acknowledge their relationship. How in the world is this polite or considerate?

GIve the following some thought. Just because they are coming to your wedding, does not mean they are not pissed off. Most people would be too polite to say so or decline the invite because of this. If I was put in this situation, I might have still attended the wedding of a family member. Would I still consider this the utmost sign of disrespect? Oh, yes.

It seems to me that you put the awful horror of seeing an unfamiliar face at your wedding above considerate treatment of your guests. You may think you got away with it, but most likely you still lost out in the end in terms of respectability. I hope anyone reading this has the good sense to stay away from similar behavior.

It's your wedding, do what you want. But I have to say I find boasting about it on the forum smug and boorish.

Hell, I gave everyone over 18 a plus one if they are single...what fun is it to attend a wedding without your SO??? As others have said just because they accepted and are coming anyways doesn't mean they are ok with it...they are obviously showing you more grace and tact than perhaps you deserve...

^^^ I agree!

Well said Marina!

Wow.

If you don't want to use proper titles on your invitations or whatever, more power to you. This no ring, no bring policy is absolutely horrible. Not only does it discriminate against gay couples as Celia mentioned, but it implies that you only see a relationship as valid if there is a ring. So my FBIL would not get to bring his partner of 12 years, with whom he has a kid, and I consider my FSIL, just because they have decided not to ever get married?? Your guests may be RSVPing yes but I can guarantee people are pissed.

This isn't a case of "it's your day do what you want." It's showing basic consideration for your guests and family members. And you're proud of it? I really hope you apologize to your guests and extend invitations to their significant others.

Innnnn her defense, she did say that if they both KNEW the person's SO, whether they are married or not...they were invited. So in the case of the gay couple who have been together for 12 years and have a kid...I would think that the couple getting married would know that person's SO after 12 years (and be friends with them too), and thus they would both be invited.

Edit: I still don't think it's completely right, but I think you guys are taking it a tad bit TOO far by saying shes discriminating against gays. That's a little irrational.

One of my fiance's friends did that to us before we were engaged - I wasn't invited even though we were in a serious relationship. I thought it was kinda rude, and it damaged our relationship with that couple. I'm not inviting them to our wedding because I don't feel like it's necessary to spend money on them since they couldn't extend an invitation to me for their wedding.

But I do understand not giving a plus one to someone who has been dating someone for only a few weeks or so . But if they are in a serious relationship then they should get a plus one.

She doesn't discriminate against gays specifically, she hates everyone. Just kidding...

But seriously, if I was the OP and I was mulling over the guest list, I would be better off not inviting both halves of the couple. It doesn't sound like she cares anyway, and why would you invite someone to your wedding if you don't really care about them?

"Look how rude and dismissive of guests' relationships I am! I should like, get a medal or something for how bitchy I am"

Whoop whoop! Imma gonna judge your relationship!!!!

All this says is 'hey - come celebrate my relationship while I systematically negate yours!' #selfish!!!!

I'd be interested to see how your relationships change with those whose SO you neglected once the wedding is over.

Again just posting for others who are considering the same thing- we have received no push back at all. If the people we invited were really that offended by it, they would not be attending.

And no- we will not be changing our mind and extending an invite to anyone.

We are not allowing guests to have dates because idk if anybody knows this.. but weddings are expensive lol and if your paying for the wedding yourself and not having it handed to you.. then more reason why its fine. i mean.. theres a nice way to go about saying things and theres a wrong way.

I'm so glad that it worked out for you. We've severely limited who gets to bring a plus one for our wedding. The bridal party all got plus ones, and then a few friends got plus ones because while I am close with them, they were unlikely to know anyone else at the wedding, and I wanted them to have a friend or a date that they could converse with if they got to shy.

Gracie, we all know weddings are expensive. But they're only as expensive as you make it. Seriously, cut your guest list to make sure you can allow everyone in a relationship to bring their SO. Have a less expensive dress, cheaper photography, lower cost meal options, different time of day....There's so many options but if you tell someone they can't bring their SO and then show up in an expensive dress and have filet mignon for dinner - you have effectively told them where your values are.

If you prioritize your 'vision' over people's relationships it screams shallow/self entitled.

Oh, and yes...we paid for our own wedding...in cash.

I agree with Laura. Weddings are expensive and at this point I'm even goin to have to shell out more money because our guest list got out of hand....but you know what? It's worth my guests being able to bring a date whether they're in a relationship or not.

Also, if I were invited to a family wedding without a date I would go out of necessity. If it were a friends wedding with no date I would not attend. It has nothig to do with me not being able to spend a few hours alone, I just think it's rude. Why would I go to celibrate your marriage when you can't even accept mine?

My uncle has been in a committed relationship and has been living with his "girlfriend" since before I was born. I wonder if I shouldn't invite her.

Heather makes a really good point re: the difference between family and friend weddings. The cousins will certainly know someone else at the wedding, so much less of a big deal.

Also, people, could we please stop use "paying for the wedding ourselves" as an excuse for rude behavior to our guests?? FYI-- MOST couples are paying for their wedding themselves these days--so please, please stop martyring yourselves b/c you're not getting help from your parents. . . [and in case you're wondering, we are paying for the wedding ourselves].

Lol I am just thinking about my fh aunt and uncle in this post. They have never been married and are not engaged and they have been together for 30 years. so I guess they would not be invited. Also even though most of my guests are married the ones that are not get to bring their other cause honestly who likes to watch everyone slow dance and be like oh it's ok the other was not invited so I am ok being on the bench. Yeah prob not.

Gracie, seriously? Do you truly believe that everyone who has the courtesy of allowing guests to bring their significant others has their weddings handed to them and doesn't pay themselves? Tons of couples these days pay for their own weddings. It's not unusual. And it's not an excuse to be disrespectful.